So the first day of physio therapy at home yesterday.

8.15 am Monica arrived to start off. We set up studio in the office. There was a box full of balls and a mat and a skipping rope. She ignored all of it and asked me -What are you struggling with at home? I said -The stairs. As I have a veto set by my husband that I am not even allowed to go downstairs by myself. -Ok lets walk upstairs. she said.

We were walking up and down the stairs 3 times. `for those of you that have not been to my house they are nasty steep stairs with a little flimsy railing on one side only. That side is my left side on my way down. And as I suffer from double vision when i look down there are so many steps.

We then took time finding my equilibrium and stand on one leg on the lowest step and balance for 10 seconds with the other leg in a nice shape backwards. Yikes. Never knew balance on one leg could be so hard.

After playing with the balls with throwing and catching we also did some folding of clothes. That I really struggle with. She told me there are websites you can learn how to fold. I used to be able to fold no problem, it’s just now my left hand wants nothing to do with me.

I got given tasks to do every hour. Climbing the stairs 3 times up and down and stand on one leg 3 times for 10 seconds in balance. Have just done my first set. Blimey, I think I can do this! I was also given homework like touching as many things as possible with my left hand and groom and massage horses. A lot of work for my left side.

I went to stable around 10.30. Nicola was gonna drive but she had a call from school saying that Myrna was sick. Oh bother, Elena was coming to the rescue! We  were supposed to be in Sweden and England now but things have changed and us not being away means we get to meet our house sitters/baby sitters/dog sitters for 4 days! Milly’s one godmother is here, Libby and her husband Andy.

So nice to see them! They got riding on Lucky and Lara. I was very impressed especially with Andy’s improvement since last time 3 years ago.

In the afternoon we went for lunch at Wellies. So great to be here again. As usual I had the goat cheese salad. At 2.30 I was so tired I nearly fell off my chair. We went to pick up Mel from school. My first time back at the school since my accident. I was a little worried as I didn’t want to meet someone I didn’t recognise. At least I would have known it was something to do with the school.

When we came back home some more training and had the girls to help me. At 4.30 I called my American healer who by now has me almost healed! After the 30 min healing session I was totally out of it so I went to bed for a full 3 hours. Dan woke me up to have soup for dinner and I went to bed again around 10pm.

Didn’t wake until today 7am!

8.15am session with physio Monica. Today Myrna was still at home from school so she was helping out with all the ball throwing and balance exercise. It went really well and even Monica said how much better I had become in one day. She finished off by telling Nicola I should get some clean clothes to fold. This I then did for he next hour or so.

1pm Acupuncture with Gudrun. About 100 needles went in my left side and it really made a difference. She put on fire balls on the needles on my legs and arms. Awesome!

Lunch we treated ourselves to Portixol! I had a lot of meat and felt great afterwards. Gudrun said listen to what your body wants to eat. I said meat and chocolate. (not together) She said meat was for energy and chocolate was against my frustration. She could feel a lot of frustration in my body. Not really surprising as body won’t do what I want to do. She said try and visualise yourself in doing things you enjoy instead of thinking of things you can’t do.

Well I said. Most things I like doing I can’t do any more. Stand up paddle is out of the question, as is cycling and running/mountain climbing. Well there is that edge that I have always had in liking the not too easy things to do which now works against me. Walking on straight tarmac roads just doesn’t hit me with excitement! Also reading which I used to like I can’t do as my double vision kicks in.

Got home and had some more physio with Myrna and walking up and down stairs.

Am planning a schedule for the week to come. To have a bit more structure to this unstructured life.

My mother lands here tomorrow. With her 2 dogs. We will see in a few days how everyone gets along.

Keep Smiling 🙂 Some of you can walk stairs without seeing it as a workout!

You have to excuse me.

i’ve been quiet since i got home.

There is lots to take in and finally in my bubble I can start to see things and how different they are.

In Bad Schinznach I thought every days improvement was something important. Here it just proves I have such a long way to go. Nothing is easy. I went to see the doctor yesterday and when he asked me where I thought i was I honestly said I’m at 20% compared to where I used to be.

Then Dan shared something he had noticed about the level of my voice how childish it sounded and my laugh sounded weird so I then thought I’m at 18%, 82% to go. Dan had also had a coversation on the phone with Fred Wandsworth my dietician in England. He warned Dan about my impending weight gain as I was going to eat as much as before but only burn a small amount of calories. So Dan has made himself my own private guilty conscious. Every time I go to take a treat he is there reminding me about my impending sumo status.

Will try and upgrade my plastic bubble to one that Dan can’t reach in.

We also met with my future physio therapist. Monica she is called. I will have her 5 days a week and for 90 min to start with. Gosh do they know what they are dealing with? I fall asleep after only 15 min interaction with my kids. She seams a nice person and she will involve horses in my rehabilitation. By grooming and spending time around horses I will become better apparently! This was the only part Dan, my conscious, was hearing and understanding fully, as Monica was speaking only in Spanish. A look at him said it all. Not amused!

Thursday I made it up to the stable! I saw all the horses and Elena. It was brilliant. We also took the now blind Jolly for a walk around the block 2 times. Her stitches will come out next week and then we will know. If she is blind we will have put her down. That is so sad. What a bad year for everything.

Yesterday we met a man who knew my sister. When he saw me he smiled, like we knew each other. This is the biggest worry for me. I had not got a clue who he was. In the end it transpired we had never met. Thank god! Well I have to prepare myself for a lot of embarrassing moments of meeting people that think I know them and I have completely forgotten them. I am going through my facebook and delete everyone I can’t remember. I might upset someone, but then they have to remind me of how we know each other. It’s a new way to start some people say. I’m not sure at all. What if I can’t remember people that have been or said nasty/stupid things, would you not rather remember that so they wouldn’t do it again?

Today Dan has gone out cycling. He is wearing proper winter gear again. Long sleeves and long legs. Last time I saw him go out on a bike he was in summer gear. Oh the difference.

Nicola said it’s because of us having peacock feathers indoors it’s really bad luck. And judging by this fall she is probably right. She has removed them from kitchen window and put them outside. I think it’s less bad luck now hopefully.

I have a title for my book if i am ever to write one: Further to fall

I think it kind of tells my story in a way. How I would like to see it told. I mean it’s different if you are at top of your game with 3 very young children and a career that means you have to be physically fit. To have an accident there it’s “further to fall” than if you were not so dependant on all of the above for a working physical body. It’s also “further to climb” on your way back. Some people get it most people don’t.

They are just so happy I can walk unassisted short distances, and move my left side. They only compare me to the me they saw in hospital. Not the me from before. It’s almost as if they are ashamed of remembering me from before. I used to be good, great in some ways. This year of 2012 I finished Vattern rundan a 300km bike race and I was crowned Champion of Mallorca in show jumping. So try and remember that when you see me. I have 82% of improvements still to go to get back to me.

Another 10 months until I can drive a car again. The double vision is driving me mad as I see everything twice. But today is a new day. More to learn.

Keep Smiling 🙂 There are plenty of things to learn!

Started day early with a smile on face. Sure last night had been kind of hectic as I had started packing and thus realizing I did not have a big enough bag for all my stuff as well as Dan’s and the girls leftover clothes. I calculated I was about a medium size bag short.

Breakfast we had in total harmony. My gluten free bread arrived fine. My lactose free milk and English breakfast tea. But I was missing something! My lactose free yogurt! How dare they? But as it was the last day they could get away with it I guess.

I was feeling strange. Mallorca feels so far away yet I’m on my way home now. Mum is going to Sweden and from there we only heard that planes were delayed or cancelled because of a huge snow storm. Poor mum she might have a night in zurich.

Anyway, got to see and say goodbye to my therapists. I brought them some Swedish crisps as we never ate it. Caroline seamed excited about them.

I said goodbye to my fellow patients. Some were going to be stuck at Bad Schinznach over Christmas. I don’t envy them. Even though the Christmas decorations are awesome already. I’d rather be at home with my family.
We had ordered a taxi for 12 and before that I had mentioned in reception I was 1 medium bag short. So they sent up a perfect size bag! It fitted all the things that wouldn’t fit in my other bag!
I finished packing and even managed to close the zip by myself.
My bubble was helping me as I had some problems regarding my level of disability.
Thank you bubble! Will keep you for some more weeks.
In the taxi on the way to airport my brother in law Micke called to say he was on the same flight as me! Oh how fun. No need to be all alone for ages.
Got checked in at wheelchair assistant check-in. It’s great as you then get help to and from the gates.
I knew Micke was at the central cafe, mum went straight to see Micke and I got a driver and then got taken through security.
I had another call from Sweden saying there was snow storm going on still. Oh dear, I wonder if mum will get to Stockholm today.

Our flight to Palma went on time. It was full so Micke and I did not get to sit next to each other. So the hour and a half flight was spent looking through magazines.

When we got to Palma a special vehicle was awaiting us. We went to the front of the plane and then out on the right side.(yes where it’s normally closed/locked)there was a special ramp, and then a special car on stilts. It was amazing! Me and Micke walked in to the special car and sat down! It was as high as the plane, then the stilts lowered themselves to ground level. And the man drove us to the luggage pick up. Awesome! I was in a wheelchair again but I really didn’t mind as we were travelling at such speed.

After bags were picked up we went outside to find… Myrna and Melonie with a massive banner! WELCOME HOME! It said. The wheelchair driver rolled me underneath it and i got kisses from my angels!

I was starting to feel real again. For the first time in a long time.

When we went in to car park to find the car and went to the wrong level in the lift I felt more at home. At home Nicola had made dinner for us and I saw Millie for the first time in a long time. She couldn’t really look at me in the beginning, but after dinner it got better.

When we got to sit down in front of In the night garden, all Millie’s fear of me had disappeared. She was soon cuddling up to me like she normally would have.

I am keeping the plastic bubble for when I feel a little bit of an outsider to the family.

Now tomorrow is a red day in Spain. So we will all be at home doing christmas decoration. I have a program with home training that I could start with.

Very hard of how to see how it will all fit in to my real life. What is my real life at the moment?

Heard from mum she is stuck in Hilton Hotel in Zurich this evening. Poor mum. Lets hope she gets away soon tomorrow.

I on the other hand have definitely arrived home. I feel tired without any physio therapy today. Yet my legs are shaking like mad when I stand up. Very little actual exercise but a lot of emotions in one day.

Keep Smiling  🙂 Some days you arrive home and you know it!

So it has come to this last day of training at Bad Schinznach! Wow what an amazing journey it has been. I have come such a long way in a short amount of time.

Started day by walking downstairs and nearly slipped over in stair, but this time i was walking closer to the right handrail so what could have ended up as a nasty fall down some steep stairs instead ended up with a quick catching of body falling on hand rail.

Not pretty but SMART!

Then breakfast.

8.45 Physio therapy with Ennio. We played a little football. Dribbling like yesterday but he could already see an improvement! Then we threw balls to each other and i had to catch and throw them one handed. I even managed to catch a tennis ball. He was very happy with what i did we also did some kneeling and getting up without using arms action. This afternoon I was supposed to have a swimming therapy, but he changed it and asked what I wanted to do, I wanted to run. Running it will be later this afternoon!

11.15 am Ergo Therapy with Angelina. We did the test for strength of hands as well as test on how fasrt you could put sticks in to holes and take them out again. Again I improved! On strength I jumped to 21.5 kg on right hand and 9.3kg on left hand. With the stick that first time I couldn’t even get one in I managed a18 second on my right hand and thats even good for a “normal” person and a 32 second on my left hand! Brilliant! I have done such progress here. And its fun when I have proof of it in times and strength and kilos!

Lunch I had on my own as mum was exploring the area on foot and walked in to Brugg and had lunch there.

2pm Ergo therapy for the very last time with Angelina. She had saved the hard work for the afternoon. We did lots of throwing with balls and dribbling gymnast balls. Hard and fast pace. Phew. I did some standing up push ups on balls and we finished off with pushing of arms up and round with shoulders. Have to work on co-ordination. Still not really in sync with left hand, but a huge improvement since first time i did it. So a happy/sad goodbye. Happy as I am leaving and going home in an improved state, sad as I am leaving my reality of now.

Here is another reality. Non of the stress of being at home. You just go where you have to be every hour. For food, doctors and physios. Hell, I quite like being institutionalised. Here it’s kind of awesome!

3pm meet up with Ennio for our outdoors run. It’s poring down. It’s very cold. He asks -Are you sure you want to go out?- Yes I said. Then I told him about this mornings near accident in the stairs. So then he took me to the stairs again to see how i managed to almost fall down it. Then it happened again. I very nearly lost my balance and got it back thanks to catching myself on the railing. My legs go like jellly when I slow down to the pace he wants me to go in. I think its a combination of double vision when I look down together with bad co-ordination and bad muscles. Never mind, he agrees that holding on to railing is probably for the best now. Ennio has made me a drawing with excersises that I should do when I go back home. He has painted in my pink hair! Very funny, otherwise I look very similar to a stick man and the excersises look boring…. never mind. They will be useful!

So then we head out in the cold and rain and we run. I feel almost like a real runner for the first 300meters. Then fatigue gets me. But we keep running/walking/skipping all the way down to the river and then look at the huge waterfall that has come because of all the snow falling and now melting. It’s so beautiful. We run with very short strides. All the autumn leaves crush under my feet. The river is right next to us. All grey and mysterious like rivers can be.

So my treatments here are over. I quickly go up to catch mum to go for a quick swim in the hot springs. We started of in the 25meters pool but it felt almost cold compared to the hot springs. So after 2 lengths we decided to head back to the river hot spring. There I managed to float on my back for the first time! After tea and multivitamin juice we went and had a lie down in our favourite sauna. Heaven!

When we got home I decided to colour my hair pink again. Well if there is one thing I used to do myself colour my hair is one of the things I always did. Well this could go either way. It’s a script for a last day catastrophe. I managed to dye my left ear pink. Not too bad. When I washed the colour out it dyed the entire shower and some towels and some floor pink. Lets hope the Swiss love the pink. Ah well. They will have to now. Have yet to dry hair to see what colour actually has got stuck to the hair.

Soon down for last dinner.

Keep Smiling 🙂 Somewhere some magic is truly happening.

Wow the start of week 4 at Clinic Bad Schinznach.

Mum had also got an early start seeing a doctor so we were both up before 7am. There were still snow outside so I thought no running outside today.

Monday.

I have not been thinking about days here other than weekends being a little less workload but today it was Monday. Mondays I used to love. It used to be the day I drove the kids to school then go to yoga. It was when I used to do horses in the afternoon and then have riding lessons for kids from the Swedish school. Oh it feels like a lifetime ago. My day started today at

9am Ergo therapy with Angelina. My left arm was still playing up and Angelina put some magic tape on it. It goes all the way up my left arm from the wrist to the elbow. It’s black. Not very camouflaged. After the tape we played a game I won. Only because Angelina put a rule she wasn’t allowed to take more than 3 at the time…

I was redecorating the inside of my plastic bubble as mum and I almost got back to old times. But as I have this plastic bubble there was no fighting. Oh the joy.

Mum went to talk to a psychologist and I went for my

11am Physio therapy with Ennio. Marlene has quit so only Ennio now. We did some work on the ground where i had to stand on my 2 knees. Then balance on one knee. And slowly take that knee forward and stand up. Sounds easy enough. But it was hell. My legs were shivering. Ennio says its the muscles getting back to work. Although he is getting more cautious about what he says to me. He said the dynamic work was good as we finished off playing football. The dribbling of the ball and either passing it to Ennio or rolling it back or just stopping the ball all went good. My static work I need more help with. All the quiet, still, slow work. I need some work with slowing down.

It is 2 months today since the accident. It could have been 3 years for me. I feel so unconnected with all.

Life in general i wonder? That will be the biggest question for me. How do I slow me down? I’m the quickest person I know. Not just riding, but in life. I make decisions ultra quick, never to look back again, never to regret. I eat quick even when I think about it and try to eat slow. I can’t even manage slowing that down how do I manage to slow life down?

Then we had lunch.

After lunch we walked over to the shop that is situated close to the hotel. We had no luck, as it was monday it was all closed until 2pm.

2pm More physio therapy with Ennio in the gym. But to start with we were making a training schedule for my return home. Things I could do at home on my own and things I could do training wise as well as with physios in Palma. We finished off the lesson with a bit of skipping rope. I managed to skip 5 times in the row! Then he was brutally honest with me and said. -I think you might fall again. You strike me as the kind of person that might just get yourself in a situation. What on earth could he mean? He took out some mats then asked me to fall backward then roll off the mat. We continued by falling forwards, sideways and rolling on my shoulders. In the end he looked pleased. Almost wonder if he thought to himself “yeah next time she falls she will roll out of it no problem” I did show him the evidence of photographs from yesterdays accident where the full frontal fall was non mistaken on either my clothes or the marking in the snow. Ah well I might fall better in a controlled environment. We then went through training methods. Thai Chi and yoga top of his list but rather than to start in a group do a 1 on 1 to start you off. Running could be good. But I need someone with me to tell me to drop bad habits. Finished with Ennio for today.

I went to look for mum in the shop. She was nowhere to be found, but I very narrowly escaped falling over again very close to where it happened yesterday. Maybe the training had worked?

15.15 Ergo therapy with Angelina. Balls, stand up push ups. Hard. Then a lie down plank… no two of those.. so hard. Finished off with some full frontal swimming. On bed, arms out in front of me and paddle like hell. High arms, drop head down. Forward then pull arms backwards, shoulders touching. That 16 times x3. Ouch! Finished off with some re-allining of shoulder. Sitting up. She looks so pretty and not evil at all, but boy does she know how to work you.

15.45 psychology with Silvia. Last session with head doctor. Now realise I should have asked her question about slowing me down. We had 45 min talking about my feelings about going home. What would change? How I have realised since my accident in my bubble, everybody shows/tells me their ailments. Almost to try and equal me. Silvia says it’s normal. They try and make me feel closer to alright because they are also ill. How does this work? Anyway I from now on ban people voicing their ailments to me unless they need me to treat them.

16.30 psychic phone call. I have this friend in Mallorca and she put me in touch with this healer woman. We had a 30 min conversation. It was very interesting. I will tell you more later.

Had locked self in room for privacy. Mum now back from the shop, desperate for loo. No more privacy and last 10 minutes of the phone call were a little less healing more stressing.

Mum and I went to the hot springs again. Heaven. We should all have a hot spring at home. Lets all move to Iceland!

Dinner was lovely as usual. my desert was plums in cinnamon. Who would have known it works so well?

Keep Smiling 🙂 If I fall from today on I know how to land!

Weekend again! I had planned today with caution. My alarm would not awake me before 8.30am. Lie in! Mum woke up with a big jolt at 6.11am. Deciding she was awake by then she said -We go up now won’t we? -No. I said very firmly as I turned over and tried to ignore her heavy breathing and exciting moving feet.

At 7am I had to give up as she said -You are so quiet when you sleep. It’s like you are dead almost. Ah well, at least that was a wake up greeting.

So I got up and got ready as sshe was fiddling on her iPad. When I was ready to go down for breakfast she was not ready to eat as she had had her medicines. So I went down on my own for a lovely breakfast. Mum joined me after a while.

Snow. Oh my god. How much snow that has fallen over night! I said we should go outside for a walk to take photos of the snow. Mum was doing a million things so I said I would walk outside on my own for a bit. Just to take some photos of the hot springs.

Mum was going to join me later.

I went out the backdoor. So beautiful. The snow was still falling in big flakes. It was so quiet. No one was outside. I walked along the back of the building and then as I was admiring the grandness of the snow it happened. I can’t even blame living in Mallorca, or coming from England. I’m Swedish originally and that should have taught me something. As I was walking along the patio I had ignored one important piece of information. Snow is cold. It’s made of water. That when made warm melts and when cold freezes to ice… Ice on a cold surface is slippery. Covered with snow, ice becomes very slippery. Well the entire back garden patio of ceramic stones had been covered with the nights snow. Some had melted on the stones when they fell down. Melted to water then freezing to ice… then covered with snow… trap… Well had i been a foreigner it could have been a trap. As a swede I should have spotted it straight away. As my feet continued to explore the surface underfoot my body slipped forward suddenly as i was caught by a slippery patch. Before I could even think “what the hell am I slipping?” I was already face forward on the ground! Snow in my face and wall over my front. As I had held my iPhone out as a camera it was full of snow. I wiped it off feeling for injuries as I was catching my breath and slipping around as i got to my feet.

My left hand had taken a bit of a strike with the fall. I called Dan, to tell him about the snow and my lucky very close to death encounter but as he answered, I heard him, but he could not hear me.

I called back on other phones but he could still not hear me. I called my brother instead as something was wrong with phones in England. Still I could hear my sister in law great but she heard nothing. Oh great, so it’s my frippin’ phone! After a couple of SMS we decided to skype instead as my brother had arrived with the dogs and mums car from the UK the night before. I tried Skyping from my phone, again no sound from me. I heard Bitte sister-in-law perfect and saw her as well. We played a game where she did the talking and i nodded orr thumb up os shook my head. I then gott to talk to my brother. He got everything I said! Brilliant! You could really see we are related! He even got some weird texting I did about mum, but then I got it, all of a sudden my phone worked again! As I was doing crazy charade I had been talking loudly! Result I could communicate again! Coffee and Clones were greatly at home at my brothers! I was talking to Coffee on Skype. She was happy to hear me but was looking for me everywhere.

Lunch today was going to be a treat.

We were going to be picked up at 11am and driven to the Ebners for lunch! Martin and Rosi live just next to lake Zurich. When we got there we could not see anything because of the heavy snowfall, but during lunch the weather cleared and we got a lovely view over the lake as kites (the bird of prey) where doing slow gymnastic turns as the sun was shining on the ferry crossing the lake.

When we got back we went and had a swim in the hot springs. We swam some lengths (no 1.5 km but maybe 100m) Afterwards we went for a sit in the lovely sauna again. This time it was full of swiss people. They had different ideas of what the sauna was good for and they got busy trying to shuch us when we were just talking. As if they were offended by not knowing what we were talking about. We decided to leave the sauna to have time for a shower and a rest before dinner.

At dinner I was so tired I nearly fell asleep. Both mum and I have treatments tomorrow. And we have both got early starts.

Tomorrow I also have a very interesting phone call with an american healer. She has come very highly recommended so I am very excited about it all.

Today “Johan Bjorkmans hall” a training arena for Djurgardens football and sports club named after my father, has had its inauguration! My brother and uncle went so hopefully will have more info tomorrow.

I’m trying to upload photos but there are many technical errors…

Keep Smiling 🙂 There are always things that surprise you!

First day with mum here.

4.24am mums alarm clock goes off in her bag. It’s so load I am afraid it will wake neighbours. Mum awakes a little bit and said -Oh you’ll be able to fall asleep again won’t you? Has she not read my blog? -No. I answer her in my plastic bubble. There is no point in trying to make my sleeping pattern a rosy unreal story. Once up after 4am seldom asleep again.

I will torture mums alarm clock and get rid of any batteries stuck in him before bed time.

So my mum arrived safe any ways. I was asleep when she arrived here at 11.30pm. Way after my bed time. She came with as much packing as I would bring for my entire family for a holiday a week somewhere. I guess she has really moved out of Wootton Grange Farm.

This morning I had already been awake since after 4am so I went up around 7am for a shower and to get ready for breakfast. Mum was very tired, but she eventually saw the good in coming for an early breakfast and then accompany me for my first and todays only

8.50am Physiotherapy with Miriam. A new therapist as it’s a saturday. She was lovely and she made me do lots of silly things on a fit ball. Honestly, how many exercises can you do on a fit ball? I couldn’t do the scissor again because of pain in my left wrist. Angelina can maybe tape it with the magic tape monday.

11am me and mum walked over to the hot springs. We had some grown up bubbles and tea and we were by ourselves. Then we walked over to the kids hot pool and had a go on the river flow and in the bubbles. It was very relaxing.

Lunch at 12.30pm. We had lovely food with risotto. I had cod with risotto and I think mum had veal with risotto. Mum was checking out what the other residents were drinking and asking me. I said -Yes some of the residents do have wine or other alcohol to their meals. -Oh how unhealthy. Well there is often alcohol in the desserts I said and I was not wrong again. Mums dessert arrives and it’s full of Cognac. She got very happy.

Then some relaxing time in the room.

3pm massage at spa. Mum got a lady masseuse I got a male one. He was very good but the rule about nakedness in any spot of heat (saunas) and closeness (saunas) people expect you to go naked for your massage as well. Well that didn’t happen for my male masseuse. He had big granny knickers to deal with rather than my crispy white bottom. He was very good and at times I think my feeling on my left was coming back but then I could feel him go over knots on the left side of my back that I knew should hurt a lot. Couldn’t feel them, at all.

4pm musical entertainment in hotel lobby. Pianist and flute player. I knew mum wanted to go, I was still dressed in my robe as I entered the full hotel lobby. Mum was dressed in clothes and sitting on first line. Ok she can be the one from our family joining in todays musical activity. I instead went upstairs for a shower and some relaxing time. Alone.

I had had mums live commentary all day long. Fisrt walk to breakfast: -You walk like you have lost lots of muscles. -You mean you think I look like I have pooed myself? -No you just walk like you have lost all your leg muscles in between your legs. Well I do walk a little funny I admit, but really like I have lost muscles?

First stairs: -Oh should you really walk there? It looks much worse on that side. (meaning the steps were shallower on the right side)- Yes my right side is better for me to hold on with as I fell yesterday in the stairs.

In the pool: -Please don’t have an epileptic attack now we are in the water because it’s so misty I can’t see you then. – I’ll try not to.

Tonight we are going to have dinner in the restaurant and maybe a film or something on my computer later. We will see, mum might want to go clubbing? It’s a saturday night after all!

Keep Smiling 🙂 Dan is doing a bike thing in London where he is giving all visitors chocolate marshmallow fountain. So I wish I was there but if you were lucky you!

Had no one noticed?

I was a day wrong?! Anyway I have sorted it now! No need to worry!

So an early morning for me and Cecilia. As there had been lots of threats of hue snow storms and bad road conditions Cecilia had decided to leave at 8.30am to give herself two or three spare hours to get home to pick  her kids up from kinder garden. She scored a little higher on the test I gave her yesterday as she hadn’t done the second page. She had scored 9 points on the first page and I said she was not allowed to score more than 3 points on the second page as that would make her in the risk zone of being depressed. I think her leaving early because of bad weather maybe is another indicator that she is more fragile than me in my plastic bubble, but I’ll give her a break. Thanks again lovely cousin for coming down here and having a good time with me!!

So my day started with breakfast that now came out very fast. They actually knew `cecilias extra order by heart now. Double expresso with hot milk. Impressive!

9.30am Ergo therapy with Caroline. She couldn’t believe the difference in my arm after the magic tape. And neither can I. 3 pieces of tape put on my body i 3 different places to me all unrelated to my shoulder but apparently not. The shoulder is so fine today even though Ennio’s crazy swimming yesterday had pulled a few more things in the shoulder wrong. I am a believer. of the magic power of the tape put on by Angelina! But on my way down to therapy I heard Ennio’s voice in my head “go slower, like Thai-Chi in stairs”, so I was trying to walk down so slow and I nearly fell down. Luckily I fell sideways and could catch myself on the left railing. Well that slow shit isn’t for me I tell you. I hit my left foot against the step but no blod and as it was left side, no pain!

So I went in with Caroline. We shared a room but soon scared the other patients away by being me. I had to stand up on a prickly blow up plastic thing, whilst doing a game of removing pins by “jumping” over them. First time I got it all wrong and I had 7 left on the board. The second time I had 3 left. It’s so annoying. You should be able to do it and only have 1 left. I will find out how. Then we did some volley balling with a ballon. And then a bigger ball. And lastly smaller balls. I managed to catch the smallest ball 15 times! Last time it just bounced off me!

11am Marlene that was not ill today for my last lesson with her. We were in the gym and started off on the trampoline. Then we went on a machine that is like a cross fit, only bigger and heavier. I went on it on a 7 degree incline and she said I could go on this for between 3-5 minutes, but today only to do two minutes. After that we went through to lift left and right leg up. Funnily I can lift my left leg up well but the right one isn’t as good. I was doing some walking in squares again and finished off running in squares, Double vision was not so bad early in the morning.

I got a phone call from Cecilia telling me she was home! No snowing on the way back but very pretty scenery as all fields were white.

Lunch was eaten alone. Luckily my internet worked on my phone so I could check out facebok and twitter.

Have become a little bit of a loose canon here. Not that I will turn around and fire at anyone but I have no newspaper I can read and only CNN on TV for updates on what happens in the world. Well what happens in the world of CNN that is. And my internet in the room is on and off and I normally just check out the BBC news on telly but today I gave both BBC online and CNN a bit of a watch. Depressing, even inside my plasic bubble, the world is coming to an end, surely I could feel it from thw “news channels”.

Well today it’s the opening of hotel Valluga in Sant Anton. Thats some good news at least! Their new swimming pool looks amazing! And they already have snow in the slopes so great if you are a skier and healthy enough to ski.

Today my mum is coming as well! She is landing late from the Birmingham to Zurich plane. She will probably arrive here around midnight, so I will be fast asleep I would think.

My second therapy was with Ennio. I was telling him off about slow walking. But he didn’t listen just made me do more of it. Ice skating reall Thai-Chi slow, when I used my arms to hold a pretend club and score a pretend goal, Ennio was just tut-tutting. Asked me to do it again without trying to play hockey. When I tole him about the incident in the stairs this morning he took me straight to the stairs for some exercise. So slow. And so hard! My legs were wobbling. Oh I don’t make a good patient. To hell with all the slow, get there in time stuff. I want it to work now! i have known how to walk for years now! I have been if not a professional stair walker, I have walked in many stairs. I have run and skipped and jumped. I have known how to do it all. But my frickin’ body has forgotten…

My second Ergo therapy with Caroline I was almost late for. Just all the annoyance from not doing everything perfect had made me forgotten that I had another session. My double vision is back with a vengeance so I have to chose which square or what telly to look at. Very annoying! Caroline concentrated on treating my left side. She was very impressed by the difference in two days. But I think it’s the magic tape.

Let’s put some magic tape on my brain and maybe by whole body will come back again?!

I asked Caroline if they can see what a person is going through depending on how they walk. She said yes you can see if a person has Parkinson’s, MS or some other diseases. They all need different treatment so there is no one way to treat patients with similar problems. I look like a mixture of Mike Tyson and a wounded animal when I walk. At least in the beginning before I loosen up and warm up a bit. After a while I look a bit more like I’m not sure, you can probably still see there is something not right with me but you might think I am drunk?

Maybe my plastic shield is coming off? Maybe it’s time for me to face reality now? Not sure la la la la la… ah the music is still here, bubble still on. I am still protected!

Keep Smiling 🙂 You know you will feel better when you do!

So today I was hoping for good weather as I was going to try out my new running style outdoors. Was woken up by a gentle splatter on my window. I looked outside only to see what I feared, it was raining, with a threat of snow imposing too.

We went for breakfast and then my first therapy.

8.30am Ergo therapy or occupational therapy with Angelina. She was worried about movement in left arm and we spent a lot of time trying out my “numbness” or lack of “numbness” in key areas of my left arm. She then taped a lot of spacial healing tape to help my left shoulder. I have the tape on 3 places. 1 on the shoulder. 1 on my back and a surprising one on my tummy! Have no idea how this works

but it’s doing something!

For the record: I am getting more sensation back in the left arm. It’s not only good news, as all the sensations I have are pain-related. Andd when Angelina is involved it’s a lot of pain. She also informed me that Marlene was sick. Oh no, then there will not be any running outside I thought. Angelina said, -You will have Ennio instead. Aha I thought, he doesn’t know about the deal with Marlene about the fair weather. So I just went and found him in the gym and said -I hope you have good outdoors stuff as we are going for a run outside today. Ennio looked a little surprised but fair play to him he agreed!

10:40am Physio therapy with Ennio. We met up by his changing room. He asked – Are you sure you want to do this? -Yes! I said and out we went.

It was just a light drizzle more than this mornings heavy flow of constant rain. There was also the odd snowflake mixed in with the light rain. Ok here we go. I started by warning Ennio about my resemblance of a shot animal whilst running he assured me he would be able to help with technique.

I’m not sure what I had expected but first we run up behind the hotel towards the railway. I was running in my usual style as there was no squares to put my feet in. Ennio then asked me to skip. Like twice on one foot then twice on the other. Funnily enough this worked better on my left leg than my right leg. Skipping has never been that hard before, Ennio is very good at finding out what in your movement is wrong and what to change to make it better,

What was happening was when i skipped on my right leg my left leg was swinging forward making it impossible for my body to come up. So i changed and instead lifted the left leg upwards and it made all the difference. Then Ennio told me to lengthen my stride to allow the body to pass my legs when I was running and sink down more and all of a sudden I didn’t feel as awkward any more. We went back to the hotel again and when we got there he said -You want to go there again? -Yeah, alright! I said impressed I was going to get let loose on the grounds again. We ran up and back down again and at the end I was feeling it! It’s close to 500m to the rail track so back and forwards twice makes almost a 2km run. Amazing as I have only walked un aided for 4 days!!!

Ok there is still lots to be asked about my style of both walking and running but I am improving every day. Cecilia wanted to video me today but I said no. For the same reason as before. If I would take a photo or make a video of anyone else with my level of disability and then post it online people would find it offensive. So I just wait until I am better.

After a good rest we had some lunch and after lunch i went to my

1.30pm Psychology with Sylvia. We were talking a lot about different things and all of a sudden she asked, -Oh I know you don’t seam like you are depressed but I printed this test out for you so you can see where you are really. So I am still in my plastic bubble so my score was super low. I scored a 5.5points You are not depressed if you score lower than 13. I gave the test to Cecilia, she scored 9, so there, maybe she should get one of these plastic bubbles? Or maybe when I do this test in 3 weeks time I get a higher score?

I won’t bore you with the questions now but I often found myself between 2 answers giving me half points. That seams fairer. One of the questions for example is about sadness. How often do you feel sad? 0. I never feel sad 1. I often feel sad 2. I feel sad all the time 3. I’m so sad or unhappy that I can’t stand it. As a hospital visitor with a poorly father in-law, away from my entire family I do feel sad at some times but not often as 1. states. So I’d give myself 0.5 on that one as I can still feel something, even though I have my plastic bubble on I am not totally without feelings.

2.30pm Ergo therapy with Angelina. Weight lifting. Don’t get any massive weights in your mind we are talking 500grams max. Then lifting straight arms without zig zagging or waving arms backwards and forwards. Not easy.

3.15pm Swimming with Ennio. Or should I say looking like a fool in the pool with Ennio. I was trying to balance 2 floaty plates under foot and nearly fell over. I walked in the stair getting in and out of the pool to try and control the wobbly wobbles from my legs protesting. Having to wobble up and down a fair 10 or so times before I was let go. -You have to work on that. was Ennio’s parting words. Think about Thai-Chi. To make it slower.

Alright I thought I am going as slow as I can. If I slow it down any more I will seize living. So this is how I need to live more like a Thai-Chi person than a speedy show jumper. Gosh, well there is always time to change!

Cecilia has swam 1.5km in the rain. But the pool was warm.

Cecilia also found out that you could order “the swedish cake” Prinsess tårta! In the coffee shop where they have the live piano player. So we had a coffee and a piece of cake (not really gluten or lactose free but who cares?) It was delicious! With green marzipan on!!!

Oh after all the training today I felt very tired. Almost like going to bed, but I stayed up and went for a pedicure. My toes are a sparkly gold now. There was very little sensation in the left foot compare to the right. But all of a sudden I could feel some trims under my foot. Result! It was not pain this time it was more tickle!

Lets hope for more of this sensation!

Dinner and Skyping with Danny and my daughters and Nicola! So lovely to talk to all my girls!

Keep smiling 🙂 There are some people that run for no reason! But they can run!

So on my 3d day of walking around unaided (it’s going ok I only just look a little disabled) I will tell you the story of last nights sauna time.

Me and cousin Cecilia had heard you could wear towels in the sauna so we were thinking of wearing the towels on top of our swimsuits! Oh how illegal and very naughty! Right up my alley!

So we got our towels wrapped around us hiding any straps from swim suit and then we went in to the “no textile” zone. There was a hamam sauna where you could have a foamy treatment by a half naked man, you being starch naked of course. I was more impressed by the cold pool. A classic 5 degrees. Brrrrr… There were other showers and a lot of steam. We saw 1 man with towel luckily. Then we found a room with warm stones that you could lie on. There was another man there that in german told us (Cecilia) that the other saunas were on the second floor and we had to use the lift to get there. He asked her 100 question to which she answered no to all of them. We decided to leave the warm stones room and took hi tech lift up to second floor. The lift stopped in the entrance of the spa so I can see how confusing this could have been for Mercedes and Dan that had to try and find the way back trying to avoid naked people.

Once we got to the second floor there was a lot more people. A guy that previously had been wearing work uniform from the spa was now close to naked. All the people were queuing to get in to the 80 degrees wooden sauna where water on the fire was promised. Avery exited and the first naked lady we saw tried to get us to join but I had found a much more appropriate sauna at 60 degrees that was empty. Cecilia told me the german rules for naked sauna. You can look but you can’t stare. Well with my short attention span I was ready to leave in 5 minutes or so and we went to the hot outdoors pool. It was magical and afterwards we had a green tea and some multi vitamin juice before finding the last sauna. By chance. It was dark. With warm stone seats that i love. Not too hot and empty. There was a live fire glassed in but really making the sauna cosy. The other people that joined us had also got a dressed in swim gear approach to sauna, so we got along alright! It was pretty special but I think I lasted maybe 7 minutes….

So today

8am wake up!

8.20am breakfast

9am Ergo therapy with Angelina, I did tricep dips from the bench but there was a lot of pain in my left wrist! Pain is feeling so I was almost happy although this pain was a bit too sharp for my liking. She pushed my wrist around and I did it again, now it was better. Cecilia was with and she was commentating on how bent i was like a banana. Seriously? Not helping! I told her off and if she wants to join in more sessions she has to stay quiet. Apparently she when I did this saw the old me and saw this as a good sign, hmmmm I am not sure if that was the old me I’m sorry everyone! Don’t need to be nasty really….

I then did some weight lifting with left hand but i couldn’t get my arm straight so Angelina pushed some muscles in my shoulder and hourrah! More pain! Although the pain in my shoulder was so painful, I still find it fascinating just to feel anything! Anyway we finished off with her massaging me a bit more and then I went to see Dr Koch.

9.30am Dr Koch. We went through all the results from monday. He thought it was wiser to start riding again after my next brain scan in April also thought I should do another MRI scan to see why my double vision has become so bad. When i go downstairs now i can only hold on to side rail and feel with my feet for the steps. If I look down I see thousand of steps that aren’t there. It has spread in my vision now where it used to only be double if i looked to the right and down it now also goes double if I look forward. So annoying. But apparently they can’t do anything here so he thinks it’s better I wait a week and see someone in spain!

A week and I am back! 7 days! It’s incredible how little time I have left. So much to do.

11.00am Physio therapy with Marlene in gym. Started off on wobbly wave board. Rubbish! Then standing up on one leg also rubbish! When i tried and failed the scissor on the fit ball Marlene asked if I was tired and I was.

I went back to the room at 11.30 to sleep until 12.45pm. At that time Cecilia came up and got me for lunch. At lunch I was still asleep almost.

2pm Physio Therapy with Marlene again. From this mornings bad session I felt I had to bring some more to this session. She stared of showing me a thing with 4 wheels. Whats that i asked. A pedalo-she answered. She then got on it with both her feet moving them slowly forward and round in a cycling motion. I said it looked like something that would kill me. She said it could but we were going to use the rack to hold on and go slowly. I got on it and managed to go both forward and backward without killing self! Unfortunately Marrlenes shin won’t feel grest and I think a bruise will have developed by now as I reversed a bit uncontrolled in to her. Oups, sorry!!!!

I asked -When can I start running. She said -Why don’t you start now? So I ran around the gym looking like a wounded animal more than an athlete. She then told me to walk and put my feet in every square on the floor (like children do) avoiding the lines. Then she said to do every second square. And then to try to run. I was battling not only with fatigue but also with my double vision when looking down, but I did it! I was running for real and it felt great. In the end I was just running around not looking at the squares. Then she brought out her last toy: The trampoline! I got a rack in front of me I could hold on to but it was so much fun bouncing up and down. It wasn’t a veery impressive trampoline. Myrna would have ignored it, but for me it was ok!

She said if the weather allows tomorrow we will go outside for a proper run! Can’t wait!

3pm Ergo therapy with Caroline. I was still feeling the left shoulder so she spent a lot of time stretching and massaging. It made a huge difference! All of a sudden I could move my arm in to areas  where it has not wanted to go for a long time.

4pm facial and manicure at spa. Very nice got a proper clean up and got purple nail varnish to finish off good day.

The tiredness can be a side effect of the epilepsy tablets. I was a little bit extra dizzy today which also is a side effect so maybe thats why.

The double vision is taking it’s toll. I am sick and tired about being sick and tired but the double vision I could really be without.(Although I am thankful I have some vision thinking about Jolly!)

I am hoping for ok weather tomorrow so I can release the wounded animal that is me in to the woods for a run!

Keep smiling 🙂 if yoou can walk you can dance, if you can talk you can sing!