Right, now look ahead…

I am trying to focus. Have a clear head towards the last 9 days with my whole left hand side in a cast.

It’s been relatively easy so far. Blocking out bad thoughts and feeding mind and soul with General iTunes list materials as well as tutorials on the YouTube. It was ok, until I was told on Monday I will have my plaster on for another 2 weeks. Then X-ray again.

All of a sudden, all will to stay still and watch things disappeared. I had the need to move. To go outside. To be something other than a decorative half mummy (the dead plastered variety) stuck sofa bound.

The need to move happened at the same time as Dan had a super full schedule and Elena had gone back to England for a full week. So my need to move could not have happened at more inconvenient time. As luck have it, somehow I have managed to break my 3d set of leg plaster. This made it possible for me to slightly bend my left leg. Enough for me to get the broken “straight plastered” leg in to the car. Next to the pedals on the steering side. This made it possible for me to drive!

Alright, it might not have been my finest hour. I might have broken a few laws. But after over a year of home bound imprisonment, it made me feel again. And not just psychologically but actually physically feel again. The un used flat frontal lobe of my right brain all of a sudden felt it had use again! It felt for the first time in 12 months and 3 weeks it was alive and with it came a sensation. Now, not only could I feel touch and heat sensations on my left arm but also excruciating pain. Throbbing from my left elbow. Funnily enough every time I mention the pain to anyone, they congratulate me. It’s a weird kind of mixed feeling.

I am obviously thrilled to feel something on my left side again. Just not too happy that it’s so painful. It would be nice just to feel nice things. The wind tickling my hair, water pouring over my palm, sun touching my skin, ah well I have got all that to look forward to!

I have yet to see a doctor and ask him about this newfound pain, let’s hope it’s nothing serious. 9 days and 3 hours left in this plaster… But who is counting?

Keep Smiling 🙂 sometimes we can free ourselves from the prisons we build.

October oh October.

There are things that make you stop and take think over for a minute how lucky you are. There are things that make up drop your face and in an outraged manner show your disgust with whatever one person has been through. And there is the ridiculous story of me.

There is no other way to describe it. I feel fortunate that I am still here to tell my ridiculous tale, on the other hand I now worry that my tales have become more than people are willing to cope with. I was toying with the idea of book writing, script writing, a selection of poems maybe… But I have come to the conclusion. There is no one on this planet that would accept what I have been through and believe the story in telling. It’s too much.

People might add that my accidents although unrelated in a way were both caused by horses. And therefore I am stupid to continue my quest that in most non-horsey person eyes are suicidal, self-absorbed, crazy and lack any kind of intelligence. On the other hand the two accidents I can now refer to are both so different and they were not “general” horse related accidents. They were both freak accidents. I don’t think I could ever have either of the accidents again, but of course, since it’s me we are talking about, anything can happen.

In my plastered leg and arm I have been to the hospital this morning. Not for anything related to my breaks, no, this time I came to my neuro doctor for the last/latest verdict of brain my power. I had an EEC last week and she was going to tell me the results! It’s been a year and almost 3 weeks since my accident, and she confirmed that my brain was… In full working order! She even did a memory test which proved I was not low in the memory department either! This means clean bill of health for brain=allowed to drive a car! Sadly now my leg is still in a cast, I won’t be able to drive but at least now I know! I am allowed to have a life back! Freedom although not just around the corner, is getting closer for real!

So how do I answer people who would like to ask me about the accidents. I have starting referring them to my blog. Although it feels a bit strange at first, it takes away the boredom of getting people judging my life face to face. If they think I’m an idiot I’d rather not see what they are thinking.

Keep smiling:) today is a day full of little wonders!

Me time and more me time

Seriously stuck on sofa in front of either a program on tv or an information on different subjects to learn new things on YouTube!

I can now solder! Honestly, I have leant a whole bunch of techniques of how to solder different metals. At least I now know the how to, I just need 2 hands to prove I can do it physically.

There is one thing above most others that I hate saying, it’s “I can’t”. I now find myself several times a day having the “I can’t”s on their way out of my mouth! It’s by far the most de-nerving experience! I’m most definitely bad at accepting defeat. It’s not really any of my finest character skills along with patience, chill out, slowing down… Ah well there are many of my traits that still need to improve, a lot. I am working on it, now I have to spend so much time in my own presence I have to better the old me.

People have asked me if the sofa and sitting still is not driving me insane or if I don’t get bored senseless but in all honesty, I don’t at all ever get bored of being me! Life only gets as good as you make it, if you learn to like who you are and accept the situation you might be in you get further. And no I’ll go a bit further don’t just accept but appreciate where you are just now. That’s how I get by a day after another. Even a day like today where my family are away and I am in the house mostly by myself I appreciate the quiet, that I can listen to my music and watch whatever I want on the tv!

There has been excellent HOYS (horse of the year) action on SKY sports 4!!! I was supposed to be there this week, but as flying with broken leg means you have to pay for 3 seats as well as I am not too sure of how I would make my way around HOYS as I can’t drive a wheelchair and it would end up in a whole lot of hopping and not so much relaxation. So me and my tv are on it and I get to see most action. Let’s hope tonight will show Unorthodox Blue (Jerry) my pony jumping in the Foxhunter final today.

Today I was back teaching for the second time since accident! I sit on a chair outside arena with my leg up. Today I did 5 lessons straight after each other! It was awesome. I clearly had the best “pick nick” packed and was ready for my students! We had only one incident that required a bit of on ground intervention, but as Elena was there I could stay in my seat!

I now go back hospital every 2-3 days to change my plaster as the war wound on my arm looks very medieval. I will only have the plaster on until the 21st. Then they will X-ray again and we will know more.

Keep Smiling 🙂 slow down and enjoy right now! Remember to be the best person you can as you in the end have to endure your own company forever.

1 year since accident. Or 1 week….

Today it’s 1 year since the faithful 3d October 2012 or 1 week since the accident that broke half of me.

Reflections on the passed time is a battle for me. Partly because of my newfound loss of memory… And partly because my aim is always forward striding.

I was hoping the 3d of October 2013 would be an opening as a new beginning for me and the family.

I quit the anti epileptic drugs yesterday. So technically I should be able to drink alcohol and by Saturday I should be able legally to drive a car.

I have never been a huge alcohol drinker, and as for car driving, I don’t think it’s possible with a leg in a full straight cast and 1 arm in a full bent cast.

The memory loss thing is a worry. It’s not only that I have lost 2 years of memories, but on a daily basis I struggle to remember names of places and persons. If someone stops me mid-conversation I lose the plot instantly, and it doesn’t come back to my unless someone else remembers first.

So a full week has been spent on the sofa in our living room. The longest distance I gave travelled daily is to the loo and through the back doors to the patio, to breathe real outdoors air.

This morning though I challenged some steps for the first time! It went ok!!!! I survived all 5 steps into our kitchen and 5 steps back to the living room! That was like a small outing for me!!! The beams in the kitchen smiling at me as I descended! The taps all shining in recognition of me! Then I realized it didn’t really matter I could get down there as I still couldn’t prepare any food as you need 1 hand to carry something and my only available hand was in control of the crutch. Letting go of the crutch ment no more journeys into far away kitchen land, or anywhere at all.

In short what has the last year made me realize about life? Probably that it’s short and we should cherish what we have right now more often.

What has the last week made me realize? For sure never take anything for granted and also the only one you ever need to be able to live with is yourself.

Everybody’s first question to me is how are you? Or how do you feel? Honestly? I guess it’s the polite way but it’s almost an invite for sad or bad thoughts to get vented. I decided day one on my sofa that this mission of sofa laying would not bring my spirit down. I rose above it. And I admit I don’t spend to much time questioning why? Because how would it bring me forward? I instead ignore now and focus solely on what will happen.

I guess it’s a crazy foolishness I surround myself with. But what do I know? At the moment I am really happy. I accept where I am and I am still thankful that I am here.

Watching a whole lot of TV has helped my days go faster and excellent visits from excellent friends bringing a whole lot of even more excellent treats!!

I will promote Ziva and La Coqueria in Santa Catalina where a lot of my raw food/great food treats come from!

I still live in the knowledge of this year being cursed. And I choose to ignore it. Can’t wait for 2014 so I am already planning our new years party!

Keep smiling 🙂 explore your world and taste new things! You might love it!