I started a positive blog about how I feel…

So I started it, the positive blog brimming of confidence and bright outlook for future… I wrote a few sentences packed with awe in new found energy, filled with actual hope of future as “real person” and not this slow lurking persona I had become.

The tiredness had been shoved to the side and I was starting to enjoy riding again. Playing with my children. Cooking food. Driving self to places…

I had literally just started writing this blog and something caught my attention. I had forgotten to bring something in from the car and decided to go get it! In my “almost back to normal” state I tend to completely forget about how bad I have been, in this instance I forgot that I DO NOT RUN! As I was leaving the house at speed my feet didn’t register the small step I had to clear to make my way out. For any “normal” person this probably would have led to a half stumble, I on the other hand have little or no co-ordination. I flew through the air in a spectacular manor. Doing a half turn pike and landing in style with my head first on to the corner of the stone wall outside our back door. My newly broken and healed left side was second to crash on to the stone stairs, showing that oh yes! the pain actually is back! My elbow looked almost broken again and I was screaming whilst holding my head.

In the end it was only bumps and bruises. Unfortunately the bumps on my head were too big for me to wear a helmet so no horses ridden for a day. But today 3 days after incident, I can ride, walk, drive and energy is a little bit higher than in January.

I had a meeting with a raw food guru to see if this would be a way forward? My Optimum 400 has arrived and I blend and juice anything I can get my hands on!!! Today my green juice contained 1/2 tomato 1 apple 1 cucumber 1 celery and half a bag of rocket salad. It was yummy! But not sure it gave me any energy… As I am now sat back on sofa writing this… But ok there is a time and a place for most things.

Keep smiling 🙂 the wonders of short time memory failure will keep me on my toes!

TATT- tired all the time

I am just sat in hospital waiting room and to my horror they are showcasing on the telly the things they can do at this hospital…

If I didn’t already have a constant fear of dentistry and the art of drilling in mouth cavity I now do!

Who ever thought it was a good idea to show images as well as video feed from different people being drilled in mouth, injected in cheek, shone on teeth with bright light to bleach?

In a waiting room. Awaiting an already stressful (possibly for others not me) appointment with a doctor… Oh Spain how will you ever learn? Or is it the rest of the world that has a screwed outlook on life and fears in it?

For example my friend went to the gym spa one day and she and her friend decided to go topless in an all female sauna. Then she was told off. You don’t do that here! In Germany she would have been told off for wearing her pants! The different laws for gym/spa culture is peculiar. As the Spanish ladies in the changing rooms quite happily stroll around butt naked, massaging in creams in places that to me should stay private etc. Shocking! For us Brits/Swedes this strangeness in behavior takes a little time to get used to.

Oh dear now the showcase video has done a 360 and come back to the frail old lady having her teeth drilled. Honestly, I understand that they would show a person in maturer stage of life, but this one? She clearly won’t have more than a few years left in life without the excess drilling! What are they trying to find?

I’m sorry I have to pause here as I have to hide somewhere this video can’t see me!

That was written last Friday: before my second ozone treatment. I had such high hopes about the ozone as it had helped me definitely the week before. This time not so much. Today I am tired to the point of dead-dom. It’s almost to exhausting even to go to the loo (5 meters) and above all this I have to cancel everything in my daily life.

It’s not a life any more when I am like this. It’s like being trapped somewhere where it’s difficult to see and hear as well as being seen and heard. I am in this thick bubble of hopelessness but I am not sinking to self pity levels yet. It’s unfortunate that my brain is so affected. That even meetings that I have had becomes blurred and I cannot for the life of me remember what was said or done. I know I have things to do, people to respond to, bills to pay. I manage some days when brain suddenly switches itself on momentarily!

The worst problem as I see it now are people close to me. I get picky as hell with details of things as I live in constant fear of forgetting and have become a real besserwisser/wise arse for especially those close to me. Now here is another pointless query, why does people names and words simple disappear from me? And place names… Used to love geography as in places and whereabouts of countries… now it’s all gone, or at least great chunks of it!

Keep smiling 🙂 the art of having a bad memory is to embrace it, soon enough you will forget all about it!