Quarantine day 29, day 12 sleeping in stable

Hello world! I normally pester you with tales about either a, silly accidents I’ve had trying to live my life, or b, telling you about nasty illnesses that I try to survive but now this is something new, a quarantine that forbids me to do any sport.

For Everyman in Spain the lockdown is pretty definite and vicious. As we work with live animals we have been able to continue go up to the farm and exercise them, but only by hand as riding them is seen as something too risky.

We have two mares in foal both due in the next couple of weeks. Therefore I have been staying up at the farm since the 1/4… no foals so far… and as 2 weeks ago all work was stopped during a pretty crucial time in the construction timetable. The guys had just managed to completely rip up all our roads, ready to be replaced by some new wonderful ones… but then lockdown. We have such a jigsaw of unreliable rubbish so called “road” to orientate around during the nights. I only have a total of 15 human steps to get to the maternity foaling stable from where I sleep, but I have a total of 5 life threatening obstacles on the way… first it’s the step out of my office. Then to the right there is a hole filled with cables and tubes. A small wall that has no lighting and 2 raised iron lids that when the new road is laid will make sense/will not be seen but now as it stands provide me a 15-20cm obstacle in the dark.

I’ve heard that we possibly can start riding again on Tuesday! That would be wonderful as we are getting a little annoyed longreining or lunging. I will share with you all something that only happened the first day of super lockdown. (Our first 2 weeks were just quarantine but you could still work)

I was just leading my two fat ladies down into their stables. There is a small concrete ramp leading down from their paddock to the boxes. For no reason at all I fell forward. And as I had a mare in each hand I had no hands to put up and protect myself with. I could not believe how this could happen. I ripped the skin on both my knees and my whole left arm. Even though I had been wearing trousers. At first I couldn’t believe what was happening. I didn’t know how deep the holes in arms and knees were, but I knew 100% that I didn’t want to go to hospital to pick up the Corona virus, so I saw myself dying from tetanus or losing a limb due to bad healing of skin. Luckily the wounds were shallow and now after 2 weeks it’s mainly scars left.

Keep smiling 🙂 tomorrow is another day and maybe we will have a new foal

Skiing for 7 consecutive days!

So this might be something that people do whilst holidaying… normally but for me this is the first time for a decade that I have managed to ski for 7 consecutive days without breaking, spraining, twisting or damaging any vital part of self! I cannot begin to tell you how awesome that feels!

From December’s hellish rib cage breakage to today’s euphoria! The only sad part was that Dan was out of downhill action due to a slight shin related issue. Anyway we have realized having one grownup on ground duties really is helpful for the rest of the family, forgetting gloves, goggles, neck warmers or any other ski related equipment to have someone not ski booted up is really great. Also for Dan’s Vasalopp practice of cross country skiing the shin issue became if not a win-win, atleast a some-win!

Before leaving for this Austria outing we sampled the first 2 wines from the vineyard, and without sounding too boastful they were both rather good! Later on in the year we will have decided on what to call the liquid beauties, and days of sampling will be announced!

We are also this year awaiting the births of 2 foals. Both Lara (Eva Lux) and Pixie (Canora) are expecting babies to extend the Marshmagic brand in April and May. so many things happening right now, the work on the stables will soon (hopefully) be finished and the work on the house will start next week. I predict 2020 will be kind of a full on year for us! Hopefully we will stay healthy and happy!

Keep Smiling 🙂 sometimes life is just good!!!!

Me and the girls in the slopes

So 2019 is almost over

And I am not sure how to start this late of year blog.

A serenade to all that has been good in the year? Or to bring forward the bad luck that keeps hunting me? Illuminate the girl of breakages.

Firstly accept my apologies for not writing to you for a while. That’s the norm, when I’m up and about I’m always too busy to sit down and write. This will bring me to my latest… hmmm… how do I tell you this? My yesterday “event”.

We are in the north of Sweden at a skiing holiday. Saturday was our first day skiing. My first time skiing since I broke my cruciate ligaments. And it was the first time the whole family were skiing together! I was wearing my new knee brace a Donjoy called “Omar”. He worked really well and we had the best day ever skiing with very few incidents!

Yesterday it was raining. And if you don’t know that much about skiing, you do it on snow, and snow doesn’t like rain very much. Therefore we decided not to ski yesterday and instead we took it super easy and found an indoor adventure bath and gym. Later on in the afternoon we were invited to some friends for waffles! I was being super careful and walking the long way round to their house as it was really icy. I was holding the hand of my smallest daughter. I somehow managed to slip, and in a true horrific fashion, I don’t just fall but in the most spectacular bow and land my ribs and hips straight on a stone stair edge. The pain is immediate, I am on the floor and screaming my lungs dry. Knowing I shouldn’t scream because my hand was still attached to a small person. I finally managed to calm my breathing and slowly I could get back standing. I could feel a strange “clicking” pain, but we had come for waffles, so they had to be dealt with before anything else!

I could manage to sit down but standing up was a real problem. I could feel some pain when I was pushing the rib cage, but other than the “crunching/clicking” pain that overcame me in un regular intervals, we decided I probably should go and have an X-ray.

In Åre the doctors and X-ray close at 6pm. We got there for 5:55pm, saw a doctor directly and he put me forward to have an X-ray at 5:59pm. So efficient and in comparison with the 9 hours waiting to have my finger wrongly diagnosed in August, this felt like a true treat! The only sad thing is, 2 ribs are broken.

One is totally off and overlapping itself, and one is “just” cracked and more of a straight break. So in hindsight 2019 is one of the worst years in recent breakage history.

The weather is still windy but I do think the rain has stopped. I’m trying to get my skis back to the SkiStar shop so at least I will get some money back…

I know I always finish here with a Keep Smiling 🙂 but I just cannot find a catchy thing to end it with…

Keep Smiling 🙂 next time it might not be you!

Keep Smiling 🙂 it will probably still be me!

Keep Smiling 🙂 the earth keeps moving and she doesn’t care!

Just Keep Smiling 🙂 a frown will make your forehead wrinkly!

Never a dull moment

This blog has had an unfortunate technical glitch. Sadly the 2012-2015 (not all) have stopped showing here.

I will see if there is anything I can do here to put them back on as I have all blogs about my TBI experience saved on my computer.

So the 7 year “anniversary” of my “first” big accident has come and gone. On the actual day (3/10) I didn’t even reflect or think about it at all. The way we live our lives nowadays the reflection of things that has happened often comes as a reminder photo on Facebook. As I the fatal day 3/10/2012 did not post any interesting posts, the first reminder I got was my cousin Aletta’s post about me to please come back a day or so after the initial injury.

Strange, as everything in my life will relate back to that day. I have a before and after. I am a before and after so it really should mean more to me, but as I happily reflected on not remembering “the day” to Dan his answer back was a dark, -Well I remembered.

As he was aware of what was happening at that time and probably weary of any future for me and us as a family, I guess his journey gave a whole different impact to his memory castle. Mine was vacated, hence I can happily move on without great difficulty.

October has come and autumn is here. Even in Mallorca we can start to feel it, but not as much as the rest of Europe. We have been traveling a lot this month, so even though at home it’s still warm, we get to experience the dull darkness of London turning from summer to autumness, the crispness of the alps and the gorgeous Zoo in Zurich, and now finally, a rainy Southwold by the sea, in Suffolk. We were “promised” a full 3 days of rain but it actually only started raining this morning. As we have been good people and have packed rain coats and Wellies we are more than happy for the sky to cry!

Now to my newest ailment! I could rename this blog something along the lines of -Ailment? I’ve probably had it! Well at least I could be a little bit like an encyclopedic experience for people wanting to read about what an ailment could be like. In this world of “everyone is an author” and we have this internet which makes it so much easier to share experiences, good and bad, my own private illness/ailment blog can hopefully help a lot of people! Not only trying to find solutions to problems, but also finding a way of keeping a positive outlook along the way.

Back to my newest of ailments: it’s called Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo or BPPV for short. Vertigo or in Swedish “Chrystal disease”. It started very slowly. After I had been asleep, when I either turned over in bed or tried to get up my whole world started spinning. It’s like being inside a tumble dryer. The world just keeps turning and it’s very difficult to stay upright. It happened the first time last week after trying a pure CBD oil to help me sleep. As I was sure the oil didn’t help me sleep, I convinced myself it had caused the vertigo. I stopped using the oil and now a week later it has started again. I know quite a bit about this horrible disease thanks to another cousin, Ebba, who has had it for some years now. When you try and read up on it, a couple of years ago, there was no information. Now the inter-of-nets is full of explanations and ways to fight it. What has happened is that a some of the calcium carbonate crystals (otoconia) that are normally embedded in gel in the utricle become dislodged and migrate into one or more of the 3 fluid-filled semicircular canals, where they are not supposed to be. The explanation of the ailment is:

  • Benign – it is not life-threatening
  • Paroxysmal – it comes in sudden, brief spells
  • Positional – it gets triggered by certain head positions or movements
  • Vertigo – a false sense of rotational movement

So no need to worry too much although reading up more (which one should never do) on the inter-of-nets, one can realize I’m not a roofer, or a builder but my work could be considered as “high risk”? There are advises for the group of high risk workers such as roofers or builders, that they might have to consider changing their job…

On the other hand there are also a whole newfound fixes of the problem. Throwing, can be done. A doctor will tilt your head in different ways to dislodge the carbon crystals and bump them in to another part of your ear where they can be absorbed by our fabulous self healing body! There is also medicine one can take. The more I’ve talked to people around me the more information I get about it.

The CBD fix, what is it? The oil that actually had nothing to do with my vertigo, is the legal oil of the hemp plant. I have been taking a tablet form CBD since August that has helped me sleep up to 4 hours straight, where “normally” I would only sleep 1-2 1/2 hours before I wake up. I have even started to dream again! Something that hasn’t happened to me for years. I sadly ran out of the tablets and as other people said the oil would do the same trick, I tried it, got vertigo, stopped it, found the tablets that had been re-stocked at the “Cell energy center” and bought those again. Now back on the tablets since Friday and vertigo arrived with a vengeance today. It did it the same way last time, a little wobbly on the first day (yesterday) and a full on vertigo whilst turning over in bed on the second day. Luckily for me I kind of like rollercoasters but when one tries to sleep and when one turnes over to find better comfort only to then realize the whole world spins you round and round, not the most relaxing of even possible to go back to sleep.

I’m going back to Mallorca today and I will try and find a “crystal thrower” there. Otherwise any tips of good vertigo doctors or help will be greatly appreciated!

Keep smiling 🙂 the world keeps spinning so enjoy the ride!

The never ending story…

So the non-broken-then-yes-definitely-broken finger episode continues!

Today first day of finger rehab!

Come on, I have broken many a things in my body previously and I have never been admitted 15 rehab sessions before, for any of my previos ailments.

The finger started her rehab in a tub of coldish water. There in was placed an electrical thing. To give some electro magnetic stimulation I guess, I couldn’t feel anything from it.

I was then sat in a queue awaiting my Physio Pau.

Pau was a bundle of energy as he happily showed me into his booth.

I got to sit down on a chair and putting my sore hand on top of a bed. Then the torture started.

My left hand side has had lower sensation since 2012 when I had a TBI. Even though I have reduced sensation on my whole left side Pau, thanks to his enthusiastic prodding and bending, really gave me some feeling. The kind of sensation that makes your stomach turn inside out. It was so painful I was dry vomiting and losing air.

There is always a positive even among all horror. Even though it was a terrible feeling, there actually was feeling! I think I went from feeling a 75-80% to feeling a full on 160%!!! The sad thing was that it was hard to breathe and I figured out I’m signed in to do another 14 of these “rehab” sessions…

He did manage to bend the finger almost fully. And in between the bending he did the straightening as well. The prodding and touching of the finger gave no sensation, it was the bending that was super painful.

After 30 minutes torture, he happily said: -I will see you again on Thursday!

-No you won’t! I answered back I’ll be in the UK then… and in my head I kept making up more excuses of why I wouldn’t be able to come back for more fun torture.

In conclusion I now realize the finger can bend a bit better now, but the pain seams so unnecessary… next week I’m in for the full week of bends and stretches and hopefully by the end of it I will get my old finger back! Well at the end of today, Pau said my finger looked slimmer… I’m not too sure… think it was a bit fatter after all bonkers bending…

Keep smiling 🙂

The troubled finger

Oh joy! After trying to get an appointment to see a doctor here in Spain and the first available slot was on the 27/8 I was recommended to go to the a & e at juaneda. A slightly swollen finger injured not 1 or 2 days before, but instead a whopping 10 days earlier, felt a little slight over kill to see the medics at a & e.

But said and done. I decided on my accident and emergency quest on today’s red day as 1. In the morning there won’t be many people around and 2. The parking is free on red days. Today’s red day is Assumption of Mary. Where Virgin Mary, mother of Jesus, was taken back to heaven after her death. It’s also known in our household as Assumption finger day, never assume your finger might be alright.

In a & e when you “sign” in you get to see a nurse and basically tell her your actual urgent problem. For me it started with one nurse and as my story of finger unfolded more audience from other hospital crew came in to explore the life of E. It’s by now like a farce, even I feel like I am making it up, but then I realize it’s true. And the times I remind myself I am still here acting as my own hero in this dark comedy/tragedy of one.

The victim

The clumsy

Energy fail

Full stop

Where do I start? I always manage to amuse with my medical encyclopedia of a body. Basically anything that could go wrong with you has failed on me. I should write a “short” version of medical history… but where to start? What year? 2012 which was my biggest current accident? Or do I go further back? Should I start at the beginning? 1974 is a long long time ago, or should I start backwards? See what I can remember.

It’s sometimes an interesting problem solving exercise for me. I find that laying out and ordering/listing things that’s gone wrong with my body can have a suduko effect on my brain.

It could go something like this

6/8/19 fall in forest on tree root whilst running, Sweden, suspected broken finger

12/3/19 fall of horse at oliva nova. Broken clavicle in 4 places, titanium plaque fitted and 9 screws

29/12/17 fall after disqualification from dance competition, Turks & Caicos, was tripped up by root of tree, was airborne and landed on my breastbone directly on a concrete bench. 3 fractures in sternum.

5/1/17 fall on slope/piste St Anton, torn cruciate ligament right knee. Followed by 3 major operations 2017

I’m going to leave it there for now, just with the latest couple of injuries, a new skiing holiday is already booked and I hope to actually stand on some skies this time, as last time I didn’t ski and I managed to fall whilst riding instead.

Some people just stop and look at me with wonder in their eyes, and then often followed by the slow shaking of their head. They do not have to say anything out loud, I can feel my own crazy, just reflected in their small shaking head movement.

Full thumbs up to the staff at Juaneda! In less than 1 1/2 hours I had seen 2 doctors, had ex rays, confirmed fracture in joint in middle finger, massive bandage incorporating an aluminum splint put on by 2 nurses as well as paying my bill and exiting car park without having to pay for any parking! I also got a new consultation time on the 23/8, a full 4 days before my original appointment!

Keep smiling 🙂 some days will feel longer than others but then remind yourself, I’m still here

Whats a finger worth?

So again excuses for my absence. As you all know by now, hearing nothing from me is normally a good thing. It means everything is A ok! Naturally I have a busy lifestyle that won’t allow me time to do things like writing a blog or updating anything digital. So I am getting back in shape. Well at least until yesterday.

During a nice morning run in the Stäket forest I managed to find a root to stumble over. I fell hard on to my left side. I managed to turn around mid fall, hence no face or collarbone was involved in the fall. Instead it was my rude left finger.

As I still suffer a little bit with lower sensation on my left hand I wasn’t too worried. There was a little pain, more uncomfortable than painful so I decided to leave the hand and get on with the more important things ahead, my mothers blessing ceremony.

My mother and her husband Oliver were having their blessing ceremony in Västra Ryds church and I was going to help with the cousin choir as well as sing a couple of songs in the church and at the markee later on. There wasn’t really time to reflect over possibility that one might have broken anything, the show had to go on!

After a delightful blessing service and a most magical afternoon and evening I went to bed happy that the hand seamed to be ok.

Then I woke up.

My hand several different shades and colors and a whole new shape. Luckily I knew my step-brother had a good tape I could use to tape my fingers together as we were going out on a boat trip at lake Mälaren. Said and done! Tape of light blue version was strapped around 3 fingers. At least it would keep people away from accidentally touching the finger.

As day went on the hand and the finger never improved. We had a great day out at sea, but when we came back home I knew we had a busy week ahead and I just didn’t want to let this finger ruin everything.

So at 8pm I decided (after talking to a nurse on the telephone) that I should go to the när-akuten. It’s a more local accident and emergency.

I managed to get my uncle Johan to drive me to the hospital. There we found the när-akuten, basically an accident and emergency without any proper doctors… who by the way also did not have any x-ray possibility after 8pm. After parting with €350 I was sent to the orthopedic section. To wait and see a doctor. This was a good 4 hours ago. I have seen a nurse. She said I definitely have to see a doctor as she was not impressed by my color or shape of my naughty finger.

It’s getting gradually worse. There is no forward moving on the queues of other sick people. It’s incomprehensible. How now that I’ve been transferred to accident and emergency it’s like going backwards, people here takes no notice of you. A guy next seat has a dislocated and fractured hand. He is just sitting here, waiting for his plaster and re-jigging. He has been here from 7pm. So he has already been X-rayed. And he is still just sat here.

Gosh my hand is really strange shape and I’ve just realized I’m in a new day! 8/8/2019!

Swedish hospital system is sooooo weird! I have no idea how this system can ever work? There is nobody to advise or inform us anything. The waiting room is mostly filling up with worried relatives. And me and my bad hand dude.

If anyone knows anything about how to work the strange system please send me a note!

I was just surprised as I overheard 2 people speaking Swedish! Then I realized I’m in Sweden!

I hope to get to see a doctor soon!

Keep smiling 🙂 even when you are alone waiting, you can make new friends!

Back on track

As I have started riding again we have also started the building work at the farm. Great combo! Or maybe not so much! The sounds and dirt of building work is not the greatest combination when one tries to work ones horses. The brilliant idea of evening riding was introduced and now as the dust settles and the workers go back home, the saddles gets tacked on and we can work away.

The second fab thing about evening riding in a country like Spain (in the summer), it gets cooler and cooler the longer you ride, so no stress about burning up!

The third fantastic insight to my life I’ve had since starting this evening riding is this, I have so much more time for a regular life as well! I enjoy driving kids to school and I can go shopping for food and have lunch and meet up with friends! I can also pick up the kids from school if need be and they come with me to the farm when I ride. Sometimes I even get someone to accompany me on horse!

Yesterday for the first time in a very long time I went cycling with my husband! As he is a very good cyclist and I am not really fit at all we went up a small hill at the back of our house towards Calvià. A very close call to asthma, over heating, muscle cramp, I realized this is the best way to exercise any partner one wants to keep quiet for some time… other than my wheezing breath, me and my other wards stealthy bike made it up it hill! Downhill was clearly the easiest!

I think this year will become one of insights, into how one actually manages to work around ones problems to discover better ways to live!

Keep Smiling 🙂 if your wall is to high to get over, find an exciting road to go round it, or under it!

Trouble never travels lonesome…

Hello dear folks

I have managed to half climb out of my pit of misery post op clavícula.

People often say bad things happen in 3. I have been holding my breath for the last week as I’m awaiting bad thing number three…

Bad thing number 1, I have decided was the fall I had the Friday before last. Breaking said clavícula in 4 places, hence decorating it with 9 screws a plate and 12 staples. You who have called me bionic woman before, now here I am!

Bad thing number 2 happened last Thursday. I still can’t really even think about it without crying. I am not a super sensitive soul, but this really has me in tears. Both out of sadness and thankfulness. Lara, or Eva Lux as she is known to more during her career as a show jumper, was in foal to our gorgeous stallion Billy Cointreau. The foal was due on the 20th of April and as our foals rarely come on time I felt it was safe to go on the show jumping trip to Oliva. We were coming back on the 1/4 which would give us ample of time to prepare all. Lara had other plans. She started giving milk about 4 weeks ago and we have been monitoring her advancements and it all looked like it had slowed down and for us to relax a little.

In the morning of last Thursday she gave birth. To still born twins. They had not been spotted by the vets ultrasound because they were in the same sack. Normally when vets spot twins, they either squash one or re-scan hoping it will be reabsorbed as it’s a gentler form of process. Mares can not have twins, they very seldom survive. Because they were twins in the same sack our vet never suspected anything. Not even when he scanned the mare during the last weeks.

Now I’ll sound heartless but my biggest tears are not for the death of the foals but for the survival of our mare. I am so thankful that Lara is still with us and even though it will take some time to understand what we have to do to move forward I know we will work it out.

Maybe I should stop looking for bad things that “might” happen. It’s only that I told Jenny the day before the accident when I was considering buying a new tack locker for the show, -What do you think I should survive the first day of jumping and not fall off and break anything in the first class… (before spending the money on the new locker) And here we are now.

I have had my family over for a lovely weekend here at Met Oliva. They have survived the journey both here and back home. My student has managed to fly in here alright, she starts jumping on Friday. Jenny has been jumping lovely rounds and has even got a few placings on our horses. We have managed to fly over Carlota to help with the horses. So other than me being broken it all looks better now.

Welcome new week of wonders!

Keep smiling 🙂 some of us are still here!


Again broken. Don’t know how much I should tell you all. I have been so careful. I decided not to ski during the family skiing holiday. I decided not to do things that could injure me before I got here.

Here is Oliva Nova. A festival of show jumping that’s held in 4 instances between 2-4 weeks. I was entered to MET III. Three weeks of jumping in March.

We got here last Monday. With 4 horses from Mallorca and another 4 from Sweden. Everybody very excited and horses also.

Here you can ride on the beach every morning as well as under a very big protective roof. You can warm up the horses during clear round classes so I decided to do that with 2 of my horses. The first one was a bit fresh, but after she had a jump around she calmed down. The second one decided he didn’t like jumping. And definitely not where fillers were involved. It took all my efforts and I finally got him around to the last fence that was a vertical with no fillers underneath. He probably had had enough by then and I was probably tired as well so that ended in me on the floor. Nothing broken! But here they go under the new FEI rules even on the clear round course so I wasn’t allowed to jump back on until I had seen a doctor.

Said and done. Saw doctor, got all clear and kept working away on the other horses.

Thursday the other horses were jumping, both Dilba and Clarissimo with Jenny and Splashdance with Jennifer.

Friday my horses started. I had changed plan with the one that had fallen out of love with jumping. I treated him yet again to another clear round and this time I got him round ok. Then we went for a lovely hack on the beach.

First start of the day, first international start for me for 12 years. I was on my favorite horse and we came cantering to first fence, cleared it. On to the second. Here she added a super fast extra stride in before the fence and then started to turn mid-air towards the left. I somehow got catapulted straight up and out to the right. The pain was excruciating. My mind was racing. I kind of heard the crashing sound from my shoulder, and I couldn’t breathe. I did not once loose my consciousness, even though one might have been better off not remembering. The on sight doctors probing and pulling. The knowledge that I probably would not be able to jump any more, at this show, or at any show ever again.

The realisation I had to make the phone call. The one to my number 1 person in the world. To the one doubter of any equestrian sports. I had to call Dan. I had already called him the day before to inform him of the fall on Thursday. He told me to stay careful, I had. I even had taken out the horse that I didn’t feel was ready for the big ring and just brought this mare down to the smaller class.

When I was lying in the ambulance, I made the call. So many realizations coming to me at once. I really am cursed. That was what came back to me over and over again. I am a joke. Even I can not take myself serious any more. How come every time I hear something happening to someone I know the very same thing has already happened to me? I was digging myself deeper and deeper into my ice black cave of self pity. Where all the surfaces reflect my ultimate failures. My endless list of failures that just keeps going on and on. I wanted to scream but all I could let out was a tiny flat a. Like a mouse being squashed. Inside of me I wanted to scream and shout and hate and paint the whole world black. How could it keep happening to me? So unfair on yet another level. But all I could do was to let out a tiny little a.

I felt punctured. Everything about me deflated. I went to the hospital in Dénia, there hearing my insurance wouldn’t pay them directly so I had to pay them myself, then reclaiming it later wards. I was probed on a X-ray shelf, and for me being quite a senior connoisseur when it comes to X-rays, I was quite shocked by the basic-ness of the people working there. Not once was I asked if I was pregnant, not once was I offered to cover up bits of me that weren’t x-rayed. Twice I was asked to breathe in and hold my breath but not allowed to start breathing again… I could give them a course in ABC X-ray for beginners!

The surgeon arrived. He was the first person I felt total confidence in. He said there where 4 fractures in my collarbone/clavicle. He said the best way for it to heal quickly was to put a plate through it. Bionic woman here I come. The titanium plate was coming from Barcelona, and would hopefully arrive the next day, the latest was on Sunday for an operation to happen either Saturday or Monday. I was given some IV painkillers so finally I could think again. When I asked the doctor if I could jump this coming week, he just looked at me, then turned his face towards the wall, looked back at me and said, if you are having this operation you do nothing for 3 weeks.

So that was it. Dream over. Pack up, go home. I went to my dark dungeon of self pity, mirroring my bruised ego. Feeling hopelessly lonely and failed as a human.

The next morning a nurse came in and told me the operation would go ahead at 12. I went down to the lower dungeon of the Dénia hospital, and was in Spanish asked over and over again, was I nervous? Was I just a little bit nervous or was I really nervous? I answered back on my politest Spanish, I was born ready and had no nerves so please get on with it. So they did.

I woke up in the ward. I had no pain. Other than in my hip and thigh that had started to swell up. I couldn’t feel nor move any part of my right hand. As I have already been paralyzed on my left hand side, I kind of know how the mind still can make your fingers move with just the right encouragement. I thought for a minute that oups, they probably cut something off they shouldn’t have… but then the surgeon came in, told me the strong pain blocker they had blocked any sensation from my whole right arm. I asked him if I could have it for the next 4 weeks which he laughed at. I was serious… He then showed me photos from the entire operation. From the first X-ray to the screwing of bones and finishing of with the drilling of titanium plate. I got the 7 picture series, so I can add it to future holiday cards or whatever…

I had to stay one more night in hospital. On the Sunday I was allowed out. Jenny came and got me after her monster day with my 4 extra horses for her to feed, muck our, exercise and last but not least water. A horse drinks about 70liters/ day. In hot weather that can double. That means carrying a minimum of 280 kg water extra per day… that if you weigh more or less 40kg is very much… hopefully the HIIT Exercise we did before my latest accident has made her stronger.

I am now looking for more help for my horses so we can stay here for the whole show. Silly to go back home now. I still go from still acceptance to turbulent denial/refusal of bad-luck-iness as fast as one can think it. I feared this was my last outing, it still could be. But I have to accept this is what it is.

So not much fun to share but keep smiling 🙂 if you end up being the joke, at least smile at it!