No Muse no way

So it’s written in the stars… Emelie Marsh SHALL NEVER see Muse LIVE! EVER!!! I know it was maybe a little ambitious thinking I would make it to Mallorca Live festival after a week of hospitals etc.. well I am ever the optimist, so just knowing that the concert is definitely happening less than 20 minutes from where I am staying (ok the hospital where I am staying) there was always the little yes guy inside of my crumpled slightly damaged brain that was keeping the spirits high for me…. Not any more.

The doctors come and see patients here once a day. Tests get carried out first thing so results will be there to be shared. We thought we had given me and said doctors plenty of time, getting here Wednesday morning, but we had not calculated with holy ceremony of San Juan (midsummer) as a totally red day where nothing works in the hospital… AS WELL AS… today! A small insignificant Sunday. Who would have known? No test results gets given on a Sunday… which means…. I cannot go home.

Will miss the concert of the year, will miss the start of the holidays with my kids… and I am not sure when I will be let out of here… time will tell. I’m in a terrible tricky mood. As well as I’m happy that the girls can go on holiday without me, I just feel like the leftover loser. I also feel it could be good to stay creative but either I get tired or batteries on said phone or pad dies… and for some reason the chargers only work here sometimes, and from different plugs… I hence have to chase the functioning plug…sometimes its in the loo, sometimes high above my bed, other times low below the other bed and once in a blue moon it’s works just between the beds on the furniture that was kind of made to keep charging stuff on it… it’s a fun game… not!

There I was quietly tapping away on this blog, and all of a sudden I was captured, put in a fluffy wheelchair and taken down for some 6pm X-rays of my chest! Why on earth? No one could tell me why or who had ordered said X-rays of chest… well that might be the mark I leave behind. A whole lot of X-rays, CAT scans and a whole ray of different photographs and moldings of my teeth… that, and I will be THE FOREVER MISSER OF MUSE!

My life
You electrify my life
Let’s conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Muse : Starlight

Keep smiling 🙂 black holes and revelations

Midsummers night

Here it is, once again! The celebration of the year if you talk to any Swedes! It could possibly be one of only 2 days of the year where I feel the most Swedish. One being Christmas Eve as that’s the birthday of baby Jesus, and Midsummer eve, the longest day of the year, combined with the shortest night! What could be more lovable?

As by slight tradition, rather than spending the day dressing the midsummer maypole with flowers and leaves, setting up a long table, cooking good traditional food that will last a week or 2 (in Mallorcan weather probably not so long), then singing the whole array of snaps-songs, bound in my mothers own creative style snaps books, I am instead back in hospital. Gut has internal bleeding. Not from any organ they say, but it’s still bleeding, trickling away slowly, filling up my right hand side just recently christened third breast. Trying to keep the spirits up, the doctors here only got confused when they started draining the blood out of said third boob. I had to de-christen it as doctors hoped it would drain faster if not referred of with a first, middle and second name.

Hey ho, here we go, 11 hours draining and 150ml has been emptied. The swelling is to me just as big, but I guess if it’s still bleeding that won’t help?

I’ve been told tomorrow is the day of reckoning! Even though no maypole will be clad, no food specially cooked, no songs sung in spirit with spirits, I will jump! Not with a horse, but to a tune! I will jump “små grodorna” as they according to the song are fun to see, have small ears and no tails. For one day a year I will be Swedish and if that’s hooked up to drips and drainage still in the hospital so be it!

Keep smiling 🙂 happy midsummer 

Champion then doormat

Hello dear friends, as I write so irregularly you might understand that something awful has happened, since that’s when I have time to write. Lying in my recovery bed/hospital bed or hooked up to certain stuff that eventually will make one better. I will tell you this story, a story of hope and glory, followed by an act of thoughtfulness that turned out to be the most reckless act of my life. And as things have it I’m still alive to tell the tale, guardian angels so totally on my side, once again…

It was a weekend in June. The Mallorcan championships were going on in Calvia at the Es Pas club Hipica. Me and my wonder horse Unreal perfected our 3 faultless fast rounds and were crowned champions this year again! It was a seriously hot day even for Mallorca so when we returned home with the 3 horses from the show we decided to let them rest indoors for a couple of hours before I was to let them out a bit later as they all sleep outdoors during the summer months.

We went back to the magnificent price giving ceremony, which here in Mallorca is almost as important as the actual show. It was the first time that I made it back to the ceremony as normally with 3 young children and a full yard of horses it takes a bit of planning. To celebrate the victory we then decided to go out for a delicious meal at a local favorite and when we got back, me and Millie went to take the horses out to their paddocks.

I think with hindsight here is where I should have stopped myself. Hindsight is such a clever never ending way of making oneself an even bigger idiot in one’s own eyes. It was dark. The lights were already off. The horses got a bit surprised that they were going out but as they are normally fine to lead I decided to take 2 and Millie, my 10 year old daughter took our kindest saintliness mare Ellie.

Even as we started walking out of the stable, the young mare I was leading was pulling wanting to go but at the same time looking nervously around at everything. My other horse, the newly crowned King of Mallorca for the 3d time running was a bit slower and got pushed to the side by the now tank like youngster that was pulling and jumping straight up in the air for the smallest sound.

I should have aborted mission “letting horses out” as it was so dark. I should have left them inside. I should have never let my 10 year old lead a full size horse, no matter how saintly…. Well I had ignored all that and what followed was a terror greater than any I have ever known. And for those of you who know me, that’s quite a long list to top…

As the young mare pulled and pushed my horse on my left as well as dragging me as a plaything all of a sudden a sound to the right of her made her jump upwards as well as to her left, where my 70 kg did nothing to stop her force of nature 600kg flying acrobatic style. I was pulled off my feet up in the air but simultaneously dragged backwards down as my champion horse wanted nothing to do with the crazy acrobatic suicidal monster on our right. I was pulled and spun backwards down and as my head crashed against the floor all I could see were 8 long horse legs moving in different directions. I had managed to let go of the one lead rope but I think I was trying to free my other hand as I saw a massive hoof moving towards me.

His hoof landed straight over my right hand side belly. Straight over my liver. As I felt my entire right hand side being compressed down into the stones below me I could simultaneously feel the hesitation from his foot. I knew then that he didn’t want me caught under him but it was too late. I had managed to let go of my 2 horses but Millie was still holding on to hers. I could see the shock in her face as I heard myself shouting at her to let go of the lead rope. She did as she was told and Ellie managed to get away without stepping or kicking anyone.

There was a second I was convinced that that was it. But for the life of me I have never wanted to be slaughtered right in front of my daughters innocent eyes. There are a few things with one’s death that is on a superior un-cool level. For me being trampled to death in front of one’s tiny child is one of those seriously un-cool ways… But then I heard myself scream.

There are 2 things you should know and appreciate about screaming. 1, you are somehow conscious enough to let out a sound. 2, your lunges are not too damaged. These 2 things comforted me whilst I heard myself shouting and crying at the same time. I got Millie to run for help and as I was half lying squashed to the ground, half sitting up, I noticed the sprinkler system starting. A fine shower that kept coming and going, circling over my broken body. As luck would have it Dan was at home and my other 2 daughters also came out in the by now pitch black night, with the sprinklers full on doing their job, wetting all of us. As I was convinced no bones were broken I got into Dans car. The only problem was then I was convinced something was leaking inside me.

We got to Son Espases hospital, as I was convinced it would be an easy in and out job. Little had I thought of Mallorca as the metropolitan of weekend drinking and partying. At first there was a few locals with heart and lunge problems and me half sitting in an orange really strange wheelchair. Then they started coming in, I’m droves… the girls heavily made up with sparkly cheeks, one high heel the other missing and part of foot missing… the vomiting German who by the translator had taken something…. Probably not legal drugs of some kind to make the party more party like, the whole drove of Dutch people that all had been in a car incident. Me with my “horse accident” was put further and further down any line of treatment. The slow trickle inside of me kept making itself noticed. When finally I got to see a doctor she immediately changed the ultrasound to a full on TAC scan.

Time was ticking along as slow as time often does in these kind of situations. I was put on a ward where 25 other people were being assessed and treated. A kind of midway room, where time stood still for someone like me, my screaming had stopped by now and as all clothes had been removed and changed into the classic hospital PJ, I was easily confused for any other patient. In this room no family members were allowed in so I kept falling in and out of sleep depending on my neighbours screaming or snoring.

Finally a doctor came and told me all my inner organs were fine! The damage was in the muscles and the bleeding also from there. By now my right hand side was so swollen it reminded me of a third boob. They were thinking I would stay the night with them but I had other plans! I wanted to go home as soon as possible. It wasn’t to prove anything to anyone other than that I thought I would be a lot less problems here. Rightly or wrongly I was given my bag of clothes and pointed in the direction of the loo where I could get dressed. I had no shoes as Dan already had removed them. I was dressed in my full on showjumping outfit when I was trampled down, hence tight white (or shall we say previously white) breeches and a tight white (also previously white with hoof print and blood all over it) was the clothes they expected me to A. Get on and B. Get on inside the loo… that toilet was the dirtiest toilet I have ever seen. I was barefoot… Dan had my shoes so I was given blue plastic bags to put on feet… one more look at the loo with urine all over the floor, bits of vomit hanging around the edges of the toilet and a grimness and stinking smell that one won’t forget for a long time… my whole insides said NO and even though it was 3am and I was in pain all over I decided the only way for me was to go home and be with my family.

Monday morning I start wondering if it was the best plan to just up and leave the hospital. I was still dressed in the hospital PJ as both refusal to enter toilet as well as knowledge that worn clothes wouldn’t fit any longer, I was also still wearing the complimentary wristlet band with my full name and numbers on… this made my youngest definitely sure I had escaped hospital… but after both 1 successful trip to the loo as well as an ok maneuvering back in to bed I was right to leave the hospital! The swelling keeps getting bigger… but with the painkillers they have given me I am alright to sleep and relax in bed.

The really sad thing is that I miss my own pony summer camp! It was planned for this week since forever and I can’t even be outside to watch it, but luckily enough I have the best staff and helpers for the camp to make it extra special for everyone!

Keep smiling 🙂 know that no matter how hard you get used as a doormat take it slow but you will get up again! Don’t ever let anything hold you down!

Bronze prince and Gold King

2022 we don’t dare to wish…

I have waited a good while before writing this first post of 2022. We have finally entered the Chinese birth year of my sign! It’s the year of the Tiger!

I came into this new year not wishing for anything or aiming anywhere. It’s strange where I naturally used to be so focused and driven I’m now a slightly different calmer (?) sense of self. After catching the omicron Covid-19 I have lost all my oomph, and I gradually try and fix it by doing shorter spells of training, combined with longer rests of nothingness. I’m not very good at it, but I am still trying.

What else can I say? As I haven’t updated the blog for a long time it means I was before this post covid nonsense back to almost my normal supersonic speed and workload. As I cannot allow myself to think too much about it, but I can tell you this, after a Christmas celebrated living at the farm that we finally have finished renovating, the year of 2022 just sneaked in, with no real statement fall, dislocation, break or deadly disease! Well at least to start off with… then Covid came and only got 3/5 of the family sick… strange deadly virus… I can honestly say as a virus when I tested positive it wasn’t too bad for me… I was in bed for a week, fever and chest pain… the problem begun afterwards. I was negative (Whoop whoop!) and I slowly started giving lessons and then riding a little. All of a sudden I was back competing… I don’t know how that happened and why I ended up driving 3 horses by myself after giving help to 2 students and jumping a double clear round (mostly thanks to Rulle) After that experience I was was totally dead in bed for 3 days. No fever, no chest pain, no covid… but tired to the point where I couldn’t even think. Still now trying to put words to it, it’s really hard to focus enough to verbalize what I am still feeling.

At this moment I am teaching a maximum of 2 lessons/day and riding max 2 horses. Although at the moment it’s not much like riding, it’s more like being carried by my faithful friends. I go where they go. No effort really.

Keep smiling 🙂 it still only requires 2 muscles in your face to smile, seams a lot less than frowning!

The “SesRotes” sign

Adieu 2020 what the hell 2021 you had such promise!

I started this year in pain, with newly broken ribs in the north of Sweden. I am finishing it in more or less flying colors for the first time in forever! Well there is one more day to go for me to stumble over some root or slip on an icy stair. Both happened days before new year and resulted in different fractures but both prohibiting me drinking any alcohol over New Years celebrations. There might be a hidden message in that? I can’t be asked to try and understand what someone tries to tell me…

Thinking about it, new year is normally not such a jolly time for me.

Starting with the 2000 millennium New Years head on collision in a car on a bridge close to Bunyola in Mallorca.

This is how far I managed to compose my new years blog, before the nastiness of 2021 started to reveal itself.

Most of 2020 was spent worrying about COVID-19. Avoiding and quarantining. But other than that it was a year for me that was super healthy! Not a broken bone! No visits or overstays in hospitals.

Being the schizophrenic little brother of 2020, 2021 has just amped up his severeness. On the first day of the year my middle daughter fell down 4meter face first from a balcony and landed straight on her forehead. After 3 days in hospital with her I realize how lucky we all were and how amazing our guardian angels were working out for us.

We are still in some strange half lockdown. COVID-19 is still killing any fun fests around the island. Music festivals are so far far away from happening again. The masks are to be worn at all time and distance to be held. It’s the norm now, we don’t even question it. Any time you spend with anyone that has Covid-19 even when you afterwards test negative on the nose trial thingie, you still have to lock in for another 7 days before you are allowed to go back to any normality.

This week started with a fever for me on Monday. I was isolated in one room in the house and as it was just a fever I felt that it probably wasn’t Covid-19 as I could still smell and taste.

Tuesday morning I had my first nose test. This 5 min test to see if you are positive or negative. It was negative so the girls could go to school as long as I was kept in isolation. Fever consisted with bone and joint ache.

They were calling me back on Thursday to see how I was. Then the fever, the chills and some vomiting had started so I told the and was booked in for a PCR test. It’s the same nose tryout thing but takes 24hrs to develop.

This time we kept the kids back from school as we weren’t sure that it wasn’t Covid-19, but 24hrs later they called back with the results that it was still a negative test. The fever was still high and the vomiting more frequent. The strange thing was that it almost always happened in the wolf hours. Between 2 and 4am.

I was given an antibiotic from my local doctor. But after taking it twice as well as 1gr paracetamol mixed with 600mg ibuprofen the fever stayed up high and the vomiting continued.

So last night in the middle of a chilly/sweaty/vomitfest Dan decided to take me to hospital. And this is where I am now.

Again they probed my nose for this weeks 3d negative COVID-19 test. Today they have tried collecting blood and do analysis for a million different bacteria infections. Since the cancer I can only use my left arm for blood samples. After stabbing 10-12 different veins on my poor left arm and hand, they tried to reverse use my drop catheter they finally got to use a vein on my leg for their 500ml. So most tests for this world of weird diseases will be done for tomorrow. I have a long list of different weird ones that they try and find. The doctor here also thought it was quite clear I have an urinary tract infection, this without any pain peeing…

So 2021 to me is this schizophrenic, rabid, tantrum little brother to 2020, trying to blame shift all his weak points to 2020. Now my hands are starting to fall asleep and I will update you all when I get to find out what I finally have.

Keep smiling 🙂 soon this will all be over.

Waiting for the nurse

Flying again

After how ever many months lockdown, home schooling, summer holidaying at home we found ourselves with a bit of a conundrum. The girls Swedish passports had all run out during the time in quarantine. Luckily for them they have dual citizenship and their other passports were all within limits. As the embassy in Madrid seams overwhelmed by the COVID-19 we could only book a time there to get a new passport for October the earliest, so now we find ourselves on a flight to Copenhagen. We are all fully masked up to the eyeballs! Hopefully we will be able to take the train over to Sweden from there as tomorrow morning we are booked in with the police station in Lund to get our new passports! In this Corona time it’s all touch and go as nobody knows for sure how things work and if we will be allowed to travel through Denmark to get to Sweden, or even worse, to travel back from Sweden to get to the airport in Denmark and fly home on Thursday, only time will tell.

The last couple of weeks in paradise have been rather full on. As the wine harvest has started and we have 10 horses in full work, there are many early mornings to be had!

The first grapes to be picked where the Pinot Noir. At first we didn’t think we would get many grapes as the vines are only 2 years old. We couldn’t see any grapes but that was only because they were hiding under the protective plastic sleeve that covered the plants. So last Saturday we finally decided to start picking them. The work was way hard, mostly because the protective sleeves aka “the condoms” had to be removed before one could see if intended plant actually bore any fruit. After de-condomizing ones plant it became more like a treasure hunt. Some plants had no grapes others were heaving. The second problem were the uninvited guests, the wasps, that also wanted to feast on our grapes. It led to a number of wasp bites and sore bits with some of our pickers. Lastly but possibly the hardest thing was the heat. It was the first day of August, and the forecast of 41,5 degrees couldn’t stop us picking.

This was only our second year picking and as last year we picked at night, during a full moon, with blasting “wine picking playlist”, copious amount of wine drinking, it felt more like a fun party! The result was that we missed to pick a couple of lines of vines, but the most disgraceful thing was that we missed 4 crates of grapes already picked, that we could find a few days later with raisins like substance in. Therefore night picking is off the list.

We learn so many new things with the grapes every day. They are incredible beings. They self pollinate for example. No need of bees to carry their pollen from plant to plant, the wind works just fine! The harvesting is a work of art. Not just the picking, but the carrying of the boxes, stacking in cool rooms and at last the pressing!

We managed to pick our Sauvignon Blanc field next. Gone were the plastic condoms, the folding over in double to try and find your grapes. Here were 3 year old massive plants where the grapes were oozing! In a correct height for anyone with a pathetic back. This time we managed to start the picking an hour earlier. We also unbeknown to us had attracted a full 10 extra pickers which unfortunately led to us under staffing the scissors, knives and gloves. Dan and Dario has managed to set up a tent of plenty, coffee, water, sweet things from Palma Bread and lastly the Bose speaker so we could play the “wine picking playlist”! To anyone who hasn’t been introduced to this playlist on Spotify, by all means be my guest to listen to it. It spans across classical Clair de Lune, Claude Debussy, some hip hop with Eminem and Rakim, to the classic masterpiece of Rock me Amadeus by Falco. Dan has only deleted Cottoneyed Joe which was on last years playlist… I added Tuesday it is by Still in the bank as well as Dance Monkey by Tones and I to make up for it!

From Tuesday it is to Thursday it is! On Thursday we did our first pressing! Of our own grapes in our own bodega! It’s still kind of in the middle of being a building site so all the more credit to our fabulous build team of Ferratur and our engineers from CIEM that have really pushed to get our Bodega finished to the highest standard! Early Thursday we begun the first press of the white wine. After tasting the grape juice coming out of the press our 3 girls unitedly wondered, “-Why don’t we just make grape juice? It’s super tasty! Not like wine at all!”, we had brief thought about that but decided against it, we will keep the bodega to try and make very delicious drinkable wine! I’m sure the girls will appreciate it in the future!

As things normally tend to be pretty doubly full on for us, make no mistake, August has delivered, the 4 day show Infanta Elena started on Thursday evening at 7pm. As I was in the second class we thought it wouldn’t be too late. The shear number of starts was what made the show quite a long day. 62 entries in the first class! Not bad for a small island in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. Unreal aka Rulle jumped amazing with me for a clear round and 2d place behind only Emma Bayliss and Cherry who also stable at Ses Rotes.

The second places continued for me and Rulle after a fast Friday night only beaten by the oldest show jumper on the island, apparently he nearly came off twice during his lightingly fast round to beat me. Yesterday was the final night for my class. I again managed to get a second place again this time beaten by Tracy Mignatti and her fabulous mare Vic Vac. Tracy and I were the only triple clears for the championship and I was crowned 2d place again after a jump off. Still clear! Rulle had jumped 4 solid courses without touching a single fence on warm up or on the course!

As had to go to Sweden for tomorrow mornings passports we are missing the Grand Finale prizegiving ceremony tonight at RCEEM. Such a shame, but very happy with the week that’s been.

We have one more grape to pick. My one and only favorite! The Callet! The Callet is a Mallorcan black grape. (That’s a purple colored grape for you not in the know). With the Callet one can make a fabulous red wine, a spectacular rosé wine or a breathtakingly awesome Blanc Noir, a white wine made with a black grape. It all depends of the sugar level off the grape on what you will make. On a young vine such as ours, it might be better suited for a Blanc Noir (Callet Blanc), or a rosé. After the vines matures at 5-7 years it might become better to make a full bodied red wine.

Also at last, I always time my travels normally to see some of my other horses in the world perform, this week it’s Clarissimo aka Simon and Malle jumping at Falsterbo Horse Show! We hope to be able to go in and see him live, but because of COVID-19 hellish pandemic, they have decided that owners are not allowed to come and watch. It’s a disgrace! The owners of show jumping horses are what keeps the sport alive. I heard of one owner having to get certified as a fence builder to be able to come in and watch her horses jump at another Swedish show. In Spain maybe we have gone over the top with our mask wearing all the time, but at least we can go and watch sport outdoors!

Keep Smiling 🙂 or stick out your tongue as nobody will see what you do behind your mask!

Quarantine day 29, day 12 sleeping in stable

Hello world! I normally pester you with tales about either a, silly accidents I’ve had trying to live my life, or b, telling you about nasty illnesses that I try to survive but now this is something new, a quarantine that forbids me to do any sport.

For Everyman in Spain the lockdown is pretty definite and vicious. As we work with live animals we have been able to continue go up to the farm and exercise them, but only by hand as riding them is seen as something too risky.

We have two mares in foal both due in the next couple of weeks. Therefore I have been staying up at the farm since the 1/4… no foals so far… and as 2 weeks ago all work was stopped during a pretty crucial time in the construction timetable. The guys had just managed to completely rip up all our roads, ready to be replaced by some new wonderful ones… but then lockdown. We have such a jigsaw of unreliable rubbish so called “road” to orientate around during the nights. I only have a total of 15 human steps to get to the maternity foaling stable from where I sleep, but I have a total of 5 life threatening obstacles on the way… first it’s the step out of my office. Then to the right there is a hole filled with cables and tubes. A small wall that has no lighting and 2 raised iron lids that when the new road is laid will make sense/will not be seen but now as it stands provide me a 15-20cm obstacle in the dark.

I’ve heard that we possibly can start riding again on Tuesday! That would be wonderful as we are getting a little annoyed longreining or lunging. I will share with you all something that only happened the first day of super lockdown. (Our first 2 weeks were just quarantine but you could still work)

I was just leading my two fat ladies down into their stables. There is a small concrete ramp leading down from their paddock to the boxes. For no reason at all I fell forward. And as I had a mare in each hand I had no hands to put up and protect myself with. I could not believe how this could happen. I ripped the skin on both my knees and my whole left arm. Even though I had been wearing trousers. At first I couldn’t believe what was happening. I didn’t know how deep the holes in arms and knees were, but I knew 100% that I didn’t want to go to hospital to pick up the Corona virus, so I saw myself dying from tetanus or losing a limb due to bad healing of skin. Luckily the wounds were shallow and now after 2 weeks it’s mainly scars left.

Keep smiling 🙂 tomorrow is another day and maybe we will have a new foal

Skiing for 7 consecutive days!

So this might be something that people do whilst holidaying… normally but for me this is the first time for a decade that I have managed to ski for 7 consecutive days without breaking, spraining, twisting or damaging any vital part of self! I cannot begin to tell you how awesome that feels!

From December’s hellish rib cage breakage to today’s euphoria! The only sad part was that Dan was out of downhill action due to a slight shin related issue. Anyway we have realized having one grownup on ground duties really is helpful for the rest of the family, forgetting gloves, goggles, neck warmers or any other ski related equipment to have someone not ski booted up is really great. Also for Dan’s Vasalopp practice of cross country skiing the shin issue became if not a win-win, atleast a some-win!

Before leaving for this Austria outing we sampled the first 2 wines from the vineyard, and without sounding too boastful they were both rather good! Later on in the year we will have decided on what to call the liquid beauties, and days of sampling will be announced!

We are also this year awaiting the births of 2 foals. Both Lara (Eva Lux) and Pixie (Canora) are expecting babies to extend the Marshmagic brand in April and May. so many things happening right now, the work on the stables will soon (hopefully) be finished and the work on the house will start next week. I predict 2020 will be kind of a full on year for us! Hopefully we will stay healthy and happy!

Keep Smiling 🙂 sometimes life is just good!!!!

Me and the girls in the slopes

So 2019 is almost over

And I am not sure how to start this late of year blog.

A serenade to all that has been good in the year? Or to bring forward the bad luck that keeps hunting me? Illuminate the girl of breakages.

Firstly accept my apologies for not writing to you for a while. That’s the norm, when I’m up and about I’m always too busy to sit down and write. This will bring me to my latest… hmmm… how do I tell you this? My yesterday “event”.

We are in the north of Sweden at a skiing holiday. Saturday was our first day skiing. My first time skiing since I broke my cruciate ligaments. And it was the first time the whole family were skiing together! I was wearing my new knee brace a Donjoy called “Omar”. He worked really well and we had the best day ever skiing with very few incidents!

Yesterday it was raining. And if you don’t know that much about skiing, you do it on snow, and snow doesn’t like rain very much. Therefore we decided not to ski yesterday and instead we took it super easy and found an indoor adventure bath and gym. Later on in the afternoon we were invited to some friends for waffles! I was being super careful and walking the long way round to their house as it was really icy. I was holding the hand of my smallest daughter. I somehow managed to slip, and in a true horrific fashion, I don’t just fall but in the most spectacular bow and land my ribs and hips straight on a stone stair edge. The pain is immediate, I am on the floor and screaming my lungs dry. Knowing I shouldn’t scream because my hand was still attached to a small person. I finally managed to calm my breathing and slowly I could get back standing. I could feel a strange “clicking” pain, but we had come for waffles, so they had to be dealt with before anything else!

I could manage to sit down but standing up was a real problem. I could feel some pain when I was pushing the rib cage, but other than the “crunching/clicking” pain that overcame me in un regular intervals, we decided I probably should go and have an X-ray.

In Åre the doctors and X-ray close at 6pm. We got there for 5:55pm, saw a doctor directly and he put me forward to have an X-ray at 5:59pm. So efficient and in comparison with the 9 hours waiting to have my finger wrongly diagnosed in August, this felt like a true treat! The only sad thing is, 2 ribs are broken.

One is totally off and overlapping itself, and one is “just” cracked and more of a straight break. So in hindsight 2019 is one of the worst years in recent breakage history.

The weather is still windy but I do think the rain has stopped. I’m trying to get my skis back to the SkiStar shop so at least I will get some money back…

I know I always finish here with a Keep Smiling 🙂 but I just cannot find a catchy thing to end it with…

Keep Smiling 🙂 next time it might not be you!

Keep Smiling 🙂 it will probably still be me!

Keep Smiling 🙂 the earth keeps moving and she doesn’t care!

Just Keep Smiling 🙂 a frown will make your forehead wrinkly!

Never a dull moment

This blog has had an unfortunate technical glitch. Sadly the 2012-2015 (not all) have stopped showing here.

I will see if there is anything I can do here to put them back on as I have all blogs about my TBI experience saved on my computer.

So the 7 year “anniversary” of my “first” big accident has come and gone. On the actual day (3/10) I didn’t even reflect or think about it at all. The way we live our lives nowadays the reflection of things that has happened often comes as a reminder photo on Facebook. As I the fatal day 3/10/2012 did not post any interesting posts, the first reminder I got was my cousin Aletta’s post about me to please come back a day or so after the initial injury.

Strange, as everything in my life will relate back to that day. I have a before and after. I am a before and after so it really should mean more to me, but as I happily reflected on not remembering “the day” to Dan his answer back was a dark, -Well I remembered.

As he was aware of what was happening at that time and probably weary of any future for me and us as a family, I guess his journey gave a whole different impact to his memory castle. Mine was vacated, hence I can happily move on without great difficulty.

October has come and autumn is here. Even in Mallorca we can start to feel it, but not as much as the rest of Europe. We have been traveling a lot this month, so even though at home it’s still warm, we get to experience the dull darkness of London turning from summer to autumness, the crispness of the alps and the gorgeous Zoo in Zurich, and now finally, a rainy Southwold by the sea, in Suffolk. We were “promised” a full 3 days of rain but it actually only started raining this morning. As we have been good people and have packed rain coats and Wellies we are more than happy for the sky to cry!

Now to my newest ailment! I could rename this blog something along the lines of -Ailment? I’ve probably had it! Well at least I could be a little bit like an encyclopedic experience for people wanting to read about what an ailment could be like. In this world of “everyone is an author” and we have this internet which makes it so much easier to share experiences, good and bad, my own private illness/ailment blog can hopefully help a lot of people! Not only trying to find solutions to problems, but also finding a way of keeping a positive outlook along the way.

Back to my newest of ailments: it’s called Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo or BPPV for short. Vertigo or in Swedish “Chrystal disease”. It started very slowly. After I had been asleep, when I either turned over in bed or tried to get up my whole world started spinning. It’s like being inside a tumble dryer. The world just keeps turning and it’s very difficult to stay upright. It happened the first time last week after trying a pure CBD oil to help me sleep. As I was sure the oil didn’t help me sleep, I convinced myself it had caused the vertigo. I stopped using the oil and now a week later it has started again. I know quite a bit about this horrible disease thanks to another cousin, Ebba, who has had it for some years now. When you try and read up on it, a couple of years ago, there was no information. Now the inter-of-nets is full of explanations and ways to fight it. What has happened is that a some of the calcium carbonate crystals (otoconia) that are normally embedded in gel in the utricle become dislodged and migrate into one or more of the 3 fluid-filled semicircular canals, where they are not supposed to be. The explanation of the ailment is:

  • Benign – it is not life-threatening
  • Paroxysmal – it comes in sudden, brief spells
  • Positional – it gets triggered by certain head positions or movements
  • Vertigo – a false sense of rotational movement

So no need to worry too much although reading up more (which one should never do) on the inter-of-nets, one can realize I’m not a roofer, or a builder but my work could be considered as “high risk”? There are advises for the group of high risk workers such as roofers or builders, that they might have to consider changing their job…

On the other hand there are also a whole newfound fixes of the problem. Throwing, can be done. A doctor will tilt your head in different ways to dislodge the carbon crystals and bump them in to another part of your ear where they can be absorbed by our fabulous self healing body! There is also medicine one can take. The more I’ve talked to people around me the more information I get about it.

The CBD fix, what is it? The oil that actually had nothing to do with my vertigo, is the legal oil of the hemp plant. I have been taking a tablet form CBD since August that has helped me sleep up to 4 hours straight, where “normally” I would only sleep 1-2 1/2 hours before I wake up. I have even started to dream again! Something that hasn’t happened to me for years. I sadly ran out of the tablets and as other people said the oil would do the same trick, I tried it, got vertigo, stopped it, found the tablets that had been re-stocked at the “Cell energy center” and bought those again. Now back on the tablets since Friday and vertigo arrived with a vengeance today. It did it the same way last time, a little wobbly on the first day (yesterday) and a full on vertigo whilst turning over in bed on the second day. Luckily for me I kind of like rollercoasters but when one tries to sleep and when one turnes over to find better comfort only to then realize the whole world spins you round and round, not the most relaxing of even possible to go back to sleep.

I’m going back to Mallorca today and I will try and find a “crystal thrower” there. Otherwise any tips of good vertigo doctors or help will be greatly appreciated!

Keep smiling 🙂 the world keeps spinning so enjoy the ride!