Yesterday I was going to write this post. It was supposed to be about what on the 7th of March I managed on my own, without horses, tree roots, bikes or skis, to yet again quite dramatically injure myself.

This time it was only my left ring finger. It dislocated in a spectacular fashion but as the healing is going in the right direction this was supposed to be a quite uplifting story. Of how I yet again fight my way back from injury… but sadly my life had other sorrows for me to deal with.

Over the Easter holidays when we all brace ourselves over the amount of children’s free time, family and friends gatherings, endless lunches, social must do’s, on top of half staff double work…

We had one very special horse getting very poorly. Unreal was his name. Unreal was his spirit. We were soul bound for always. Every time I jumped him our two hearts became one. He was taking care of my daughter being her team member now. His last outing with her they finished first. These will be the memories. Those of joy. Of speed. Of power.

On Friday I had my last ride on him. We were admiring the pink blossom of a tree that just does that. It goes from bland and barren to deeply fushia over night. Rulle always loved hacking through the orange groves to pick his own oranges, or to let me peel one or two for him.

Over night to Saturday he had trouble. We will never know why but it seams something was blocking his lower esophagus. That made the water that he tried to drink partly getting into his lungs. We caught it Saturday morning, but the pneumonia has already started and even though the vets did what they could, water in the lungs is not something a horse can survive from.

Yesterday the 1st of April, April’s fools day, will never be the same again. The vet brought the ultrasound scanner and we could see the amount of liquid that had built up in both his lungs.

He got 19 glorious years on this planet. After he was put to sleep in Sleeping Meadows, we rang the bell of the church nineteen times. As the bell tolled, I could feel the vibrations going through the rope into my fingers, a calming, steadfast, reassuring vibration. He was in peace. No more pain.

Today I am in pain. Physical, aching pain. The tears are always waiting there, just behind, any well meaning hug, any condoling message, any pitying look.

The finger on the other hand is slowly getting better. Physio with rubber bands and different size balls is entertaining!

I don’t think I will ever be able to put on my wedding bands, but as the Accident and Emergency nurse thanks to watching a video on “TicToc” saved them from being cut! Well maybe I’ll just wear them on a new finger… or in a new manner…

Keep smiling 🙂 even on days where the tears keep flowing. Only true love can make you feel this much