Almost 4 months

And so today it happened! I sat on a horse again! For the first time in nearly 4 months.

It was very calm. I had 2 lessons in the beautiful morning before I sat up on Lara (Eva Lux) the current Mallorca champion of show jumping! I worked her in walk doing half passes and shoulder in.

The first 30 seconds it felt weird. Like I didn’t belong. Then it clicked. It was as if I had never been of a horse at all. I felt truly normal and even good at was I was doing. For the first time in ages I knew myself.

I only walked although trotting, cantering and jumping did feel reachable goals, if not today, soon. Elena wept a little of joy and everybody was happy for me. I posted a photo of me on facebook and got over 120 likes within an hour! Popular girls!

After I finished riding I felt elated. I was on a cloud. All colours were clear again. I felt stronger and faster than I have felt for months. I walked home and had a shower before I went for my physio with Monica.

She was also very happy for me but designed exercises that she suggested I would do on a horse but I had to say no. I don’t think Lara would allow me catching a ball thrown to me whilst sitting on her or raising my arms and picking at things in the air. I think that would seriously freak her out. She then said she knew horses that would have no problem with this and I had to say, I wouldn’t try and jump them as they sounded like careless beasts… Ah well the different views we have on horsemanship…

Another unexpected thing that has happened to me after the accident is my communication skills with animals. I have lost all 2012 almost and all skills to programming. But my skill of communicating with cats, dogs and horses through mind mapping is better and clearer than ever.

The problem is that animals can sense this and come with me to share their problems. My acupuncturists cat was the first to come for some needed treatment on an injury on her back leg. Every time I went for acupuncture the cat miaowed it’s way in to the treatment room and then jumped on to the bench where I was lying with needles in my body. My acupuncturist said: “oh I’m so sorry, she has never done this before” and I answered before I could stop myself, “She is hurting in her back leg, don’t worry she can lie next to me if I can have a look at her afterwards” She said that was fine and I put my hands over the area where she was feeling pain and I addressed 2 points of acupressure and her tail went in a jagged  motion back and forth until it stopped and lie still. The cat came in on my next visit as well and got another treatment. The next time i came the cat just walked past me to show how great she had recovered, and the last time I went she just miaowed a hello as an old friend, healed.

So the problem is now I cannot meet any dogs or cats without them chatting with me. I don’t think everyone is as open minded about these conversations and treatment as I am but the difference is instant and very straight forward. I just don’t feel this is something I will broadcast when I meet people unless their dogs are in real pain. But if you do have a dog with a problem you can’t find let me touch him. So far no major failures!

So tomorrow I am having a new MRI scan. It’s because of my fatigue. But I’m since sunday back to my normal energy level. Normal as in before christmas not normal as in before the accident. But I am off Amentadine! My neurologist thought he had to double the dose but I asked to try and remove it first and it’s incredible! No more speed for parkinson patients is being taken anymore!

Had my results back from the blood test and the only thing he could comment on was the low blood sugar levels.

On a fasting stomach it should not be weird, but as I had already had a small but good breakfast in the morning it was weird. If you look back on my tiredness record you could say I’m the opposite to a diabetic. The pancreas produces too much insulin! So that might explain weird illness of 2010! That is 15 months of my life (that I slept away worrying about what was causing the effects of rapid fatigue) that with this information could have been great!

Anyway I’m not one to look back with regret and without this I would have never met Fred Wandsworth (my nutritionist in London) and maybe wouldn’t appreciate the feeling of feeling good as much as I do now.

Keep Smiling 🙂 For all of us there are miracles. Just open your eyes and let it shine for you!

Saturday Whooo hoo WEEKEND!

So there I have acknowledged the fact that this is a weekend.

Not a lot of news from me unfortunately. The last couple of weeks my tiredness have taken over my balance and equilibrium so I have gone backwards in my training it feels like.

I have to get some organisation back in to my life. Switzerland seams like a life time ago. Now what i feel is like everyone is working on their own, not together to get me better, it’s like a personal treasure hunt. But where I’m not invited, only as someone that can watch from the balcony.

It would be great if the neuro doctor and physio therapist had some conversations and if the same happened with my eye doctor…

At the moment I just feel like I am floating between treatments, some where I can’t do so well (because of tiredness mostly) and others where I apparently am doing really well.

I haven’t done my walk to the stable for a bit. Bad weather has also got something to do with less walking of course!

So I have been put on Amentadine, it’s basically a product used for patients with parkinsons or MS. It’s suposed to be a pick me up, but to be honest with you I fear I have been given a placebo as I can easily go to sleep straight after I have taken the pill.

I have a meeting with Dr Nobbe on monday and there we will go through:

1. Why Amentadine? Why am I so tired? This was never explained to me before.

2. When can I start riding? I feel the energy that the horses give me will be the proper pick me up from this tiredness.

3.The other medicines are they the right strength? Maybe it’s them that makes me so tired?

4. Blood test results. I had a new blood sample this week and it would be fun to see the results as I am on “Cell food” and it’s supposed to really pick you up! And I have been told the blood samples you take are incredible and it’s a 40 day course and I have been on it for 24days! Not that I can feel it but it would be fun to see if they actually could see it on the blood sample.

Anyway, not everything is bleak. My yoga instructor is back from a week in Sweden. We had a great session on thursday! My mum also tried and she said it was good for her to! Although she felt how stiff and un-bendy she was, it will all be great in the end.

Yesterday me and Dan had dinner at Rositas! It was heavenly! Peace and quiet until the Karaoke man started, then we left!

Keep Smiling 🙂 Even if you feel that the noise is covering you there is always time to turn around and walk away. There is solitude and stillness around the corner or inside of you.

Tuesday tired tuesday

So now tuesday. And I cannot believe how tired I am.

I have already had my physio over and she also mentioned how my balance and equilibrium has disappeared. So I’m given more exercises to do…

Even though I am ready to fall asleep at any moment. I am currently taking amentadine that is supposed to pick me up or atleast make me a little bit more awake. I have been on it for 8 days now and it’s not doing anything. If I was to be more tired than I am now I would probably be sleeping!

So I have tried to do things and train as I do as normal as possible. The tiredness can go and find someone else to beat up! So saturday and sunday both the girls came over to ride! We borrowed a pony called Pin for Mel to ride on and Myrna was on Sally. It  was great! On sunday Ottilia came and helped with Tilde so I had 4 Swedish grooms! But after we finished I was very tired.

Have just finished a training session with my physio and she told me my favourite place to rest is in a gepathology zone that is harmful for my health. Oh dear! More information to learn.

So with all this I am getting ready to have acupuncture.

Keep Smiling 🙂 There are tons of things we don’t know about the world we live in.

So entering a new phase…

Hello readers!

I have gone from very enthusiastic and propped up to move forward, to get tired and weighed down. Yesterday was the first time since my accident that I nearly cried.

No it’s a lie, I cried when news of Lars death came to me, but have otherwise been very composed through my hospitalisations and re-hab. But yesterday had it not been for the tough man chip on my shoulder I would have wept.

I was at doctors. It was a planned visit from the week before. I needed to go through a little bit my tiredness and get a go ahead to start riding again. But since I had been so tired I got a no-go on the riding side. It didn’t help that I didn’t have anyone with me that supported riding as re-hab.

It’s so boring. The walking. The slowness. More walking. Won’t bore you.

Today I had my first real lesson. Silvia and Rulle were in my first group back training. This in my mind is so much harder than walking a horse up and down. Ah well some people think teaching is less hard than riding. They obviously have not been around horses enough.

I have loads of new people approaching me about coming for lessons. And I guess I am ready now. Every day I get stronger and Kundalini Yoga with Linda is improving everything i think.

Keep Smiling 🙂 It’s a tough place this world we live in. But if you don’t have the hard times you do not appreciate the great times.

Another Sunday…. where did it go?

Ok so my erratical writing on here will stop. I will promise to make this a 2 times a week at least blog!


Today has been a very tired day. From beginning when I woke up until now. Every time I have gone somewhere, off sofa, in to kitchen to eat, to see kids in other room, I have felt dizzy and more tired than ever. Dan is back here now and he thinks it’s normal and part of recovery. I who have just talked to translator in hospital last week and was told by her that I was sleeping too much do not dare falling asleep during the day as it might damage my recovery.

Yesterday we had a huge day. In the morning walk to stable, riding out with the little ponies and lunging as well as treating horses. When I was coming with in the car to pick up Dan from the airport I was almost falling asleep, and at home it wasn’t going much better. I had almost decided to try and stay in sofa instead of joining Dan and the girls in town. Then I had a vision. Of me getting old here on sofa with no one to keep me company. That is a scary thought. At this moment all I crave is a little quiet and solace, but if you would be alone without choosing it, unthinkable.

So I gathered the strength I had and got myself walking to the car. Drunk a coffee with caffeine in to boost my energy. And we went for a 3 hours in town. Eating at a restaurant and watching the varied and vivid early night life of Palma. We saw a drum band that were amazing! So I guess yesterday took its toll, and today I am really smashed.

I am looking forward to the week ahead though. Monday, walk in morning and work with horses. Meeting with physio and doctor. Tuesday lunch with girlfriends followed by training at Son Gual and then possibly new walk (depending on how I feel) Wednesday depending on what doctor says: Ride a horse??? Thursday more walking and working with horses.

I’m afraid of everybody’s need of telling me that I need to change. To slow down. How is that even possible? My engine does not do slow, ever. I will stall. like a Ferrari engine driven with too much throttle and not enough gas. It’s mechanically wrong for me to do slow. I don’t think its part of the core me and thats where I have seen the change already. The core me is not afraid of challenge. Never bothered about tasks. Not faced by heights. The new me (the slow one) would do everything trying to avoid said challenges, tasks or heights. I don’t see how she could be me…

Hopefully I will get the go ahead from doctors and physios that riding will be ok in the coming days… I will start just walking for a bit. I am struggling with double vision when I am as tired as I am today. I really don’t need this double vision as it’s playing mayhem with my reading and writing. Never mind.

Keep Smiling 🙂 If you are close to me I’ll see 2 smiles!

January 9th it’s a wednesday!

And I am running! Just a short distance but hey ho.

I tried posting a video here because I actually look almost level when I run but the posting just went wrong.

Every day I walk approximately 4 km with nordic walking sticks. Then I go to the stable and groom some horses.

It’s lovely and sunny here in Mallorca now so perfect time for outdoor activities.

I have been very tired since christmas. I sleep 12-15 hours per day. Dan thinks that it’s normal but I’m not so sure. Basically when I wake up after breakfast, I could go back to sleep again. If I don’t have an afternoon lie down i collapse around 4pm.

I have today talked to my doctor about it and he said its far too much sleep. Even though the body has been through a lot, it shouldn’t respond with this much tiredness all the time. He said it could be medicines or something.

Tomorrow I have such a full day. starts 8.30 with physio then followed by a walk (might cancel this) grooming horses and 12pm psychology session. At 1.30pm I’m meeting a friend for a coffee and at 2.30 I have yoga then at 3.30 I am seeing another friend who will bring me to Manacor for food shopping for my horses.

So full on day. I’m hoping it will all work well or otherwise I have to delay or overbook the rest of my week.

It’s quite mad. But as I have to plan everything ahead as I can’t drive I get very organised. It becomes very sad when I realise how slow I am and how much time get spent doing very bog standard duties.

Dan is in the UK again. His father is not getting any better. Very sad. I am waiting for news every day.

I had a lunch with Pedro the vet a couple of days ago. He saw me at the day I had my accident. He saw me on the floor as medics where connecting tubes to me. He said he thought I was joking as I was smiling all the time. I was on the floor and smiling as tubes and wires were attached to me. The medics where talking to me but I just smiled back non-responsive. So it wasn’t until they took me off in an ambulance that he and Elena started to worry.

Any way. Tomorrow another day, today I have had no siesta so we will see when I fall asleep.

Keep smiling 🙂 Even when it’s feeling hard you only use 2 muscles in your face to smile!


3 Months since the accident

Today it’s an actual 3 months since my accident.

I am still learning new things each day. Or should I put I am re learning old things in a new way each day.

It’s slow, frustrating, annoying and infuriating and yet necessary.

The new year was a whole new experience. As I’m not allowed any alcohol I cheered in water and fizzy drinks. As I don’t last much longer than 9 pm we celebrated the Mumbai new year in India! Which was at 8pm! So both me and all the children were still up to enjoy the fireworks and the Indian food!

I have such a clever husband that just comes up with more brilliant ideas to cope with my disabilities.

So January here we go. I have a few things i need to do, such as changing my core self. And a few things I want to do, such as learning to paddle surf again and get on a horse.

So what I need to do is this: Train balance every day on the hour every hour. I need to slow my core self down. It’s apparently not pretty neither clever to be a fast person. I have to learn to slow down a lot. It’s not because of my disability but rather how I’ll have to cope in the real world being an aged (my age) woman. I have to take my medicines twice a day for a year. I have to keep a good diet, gluten free and lactose low.

What I want o do is this: I want to learn to paddle surf again. Get myself a trainer that is not afraid of possibly having to rescue me from the water. I want to start riding again. Not cantering around jumping fences straight away but to work horses in walk. Yoga, to get stronger and more level. Walk in the mountains.

Things I’m not allowed to do: Drive a car. This is so annoying. Makes me dependant on other people always. Swim by my self. Scuba dive. Jump horses (yet).

My vision is still double most days which makes it really hard to read. In the morning it’s better than in the afternoons/evenings. I need to see someone about it but I have been put of by it not being a quick fix for double vision other than closing one eye with a patch. (pirate style) But the neurological doctor has recommended 12 sessions to the eye doctor which makes me think it’s going to be yet another long recovery. I’d better get used to it.

Dan scared me the other day. He said we had had a conversation at our kitchen table about some adaptors. I cannot remember the conversation at all. I knew about the adaptors so the conversation felt fake or non-me from the beginning but Dan was adamant  this conversation had taken place so I started to think I had had another haemorrhage. Then I was told brain haemorrhages never were selective in the memory loss so I would have lost a day or a weeks memory and not only a 10 min conversation. So I started to track unusual things I do. There were plenty. But ordering pan-b-oli (a country style bread) instead of bocadillo (more of a baguette style bread) for Myrna was one thing. Totally trackable as I could remember it. In fact all the odd things I did I could remember and also why I had done them. A mix up with words being the number one reason. In the end I am not sure where the conversation with Dan about the adaptors went but I think maybe he got it wrong? Maybe he talked to my mother? She is no help as she can’t remember anything either. Oh the joy! What a dysfunctional memory losing family we are.

Keep smiling 🙂 This year might sound like a struggle but we will end up newer and better on the other side