So I am vey sorry my updates are fewer every week.

It might be because my progress is slower, or I have more to do here but I think it’s because of my feeling tired all the time. I could basically go back to bed and sleep straight after breakfast. I’m not sure if this is normal. My physio here wanted to medicate against this fatigue. I decided against more medicine as I am on pretty hard core stuff as it is.

So how is my progress? I try and walk to the stable every day. There I try to brush and groom and massage one or two of my horses.

The walking gets better every day I think but walking when I’m tired makes me look like sylvester stallone in the final Rocky movie. Not good!

As the new year is drawing closer I feel almost a little relief. But I also know that 2013 is going to be one hell of a year.

I’m not allowed to drive for another 10 months.

I still can’t read because of double vision.

Small things hinder me and now small things annoy me as they hinder me where as previously I would have been super chuffed with a small thing, now I can fully remember how I used to do something and how long it used to take me.

I think my mood can be seen by people around me too. The closest suffer the mostest!

I want to add lunacy to my long list of ailments or maybe talking to greater force in my head is completely normal? Really? Is this all you have? Bring me more sorrow, more darkness and more sadness won’t you? Just bring it! My plastic bubble is coping with it somewhat, there are a few little cracks on it seeping through things a little here and there. I say bring it on! I can cope and feeling like I do now I’ll probably sleep through it!

At the moment all kids are fine. Millie  has been a little sick  over christmas but now she is better.

Millie does this phenomenal high pitch screaming around 2am. Last night I was woken up by Dan trying to sound more than her as well as her screams. It was a fantastic immense sound space in my house. And even though it was a full moon the other two daughters did not wake up!

Today I am waiting for Monica my physio to come by.

And she is putting together a work program for me for when she is on holiday.

I have lots of things to do. But very limited energy to do it. It’s not like I don’t want to do it, it’s just I can’t…Never mind I will find more energy inn this plastic bubble of mine!

I have bought new hiking sticks. This is because the other ones gave me vibrations to my left hand so it numbed everything.

I was told 3 days ago I am only allowed 1 coffee per day. That day I had started on 3 coffees getting warmed up but apperently you are only allowed one per day if you suffer from epilepsy. It hasn’t given me one yet…

Ah well, the joys of being locked in an ill body. I am tired. I think every one around me are tired. Today we are going to have lunch in Calvia. Kids mum and Dan, Adriana and Millie are staying at home.

Keep Smiling 🙂 Here the sun is shining!

Oh hello everyone! We are still here the world has not evaporated, been destroyed or disappeared. Well if it has I am unaware of it.

Today I started day by power walking to the stable and back. When I was ther I groomed Lara.

I am now back and feeling it a little. I am using Dan’s nordic walking sticks and feel almost like a pro… That is a disabled pro, getting fit for para olympic.

It was lovely weather today. A bit fresher than usual as I went out so early but very sunny.

I have been hard at work since wednesday. Walking with the sticks and practicing yoga poses. My physio Monica is concentrating on giving me massages and correct things that are wrong muscularly. I have to do the equilibrium and stamina work in my own time. I think this works better for me as I don’t get as tired any more.

Monica was getting worried about how tired I was and she wanted to put me on some medicines to pick me up. I said wait, I am trying to get a bit fitter without medicines and in January if I’m still a wreck I will try something.

Yesterday we went to the girls school end of term performance at the swedish church in Palma. Our girls were stood in front and singing 4 songs! I was very impressed as two of the songs were spanish.

Now walking I have to concentrate to put one leg in front of the other so I don’t look too much like a boxer that has shat himself. I also have exercises with knees high. This I am doing in front of mirror so that I can see if I’m out of sync.

Out of sync is my middle name right now. Everything I do is slightly or totally out of sync. I don’t mind though as people see there is something wrong with me, and avoid me. Yesterday at the Swedish church so many people came up to say hi, really nice, but I honestly have no idea of who they are or who their children are. Then again there are many kids and parents and some kids and parents I did remember! So maybe thats what I have to be happy about. Not all the faces I have lost but the ones I remember!

Keep Smiling 🙂 We still have a world to worry about!

So as you all know about being at home.

You know how long it should take to do things. Put on clothes, brush teeth, go to the loo, move from one room to the next. Times everything about 10-20 times and you will be where I am.

It used to be amazing just being able to get dressed on my own, now comes frustration.

All the people that are happy I am back might now instead be annoyed I am back but such a different person. Well I’m annoyed anyway. Ok one part of me or two parts are of course joyfully happy I’m alive and at home. But other parts of me don’t see the reason why this happened to me and why now?

I have not written about other things going on in my life as I felt it being almost too much dark dramatic story. Well it is. And it’s my dark dramatic story. The day I was released from hospital in Mallorca Lars passed away. My mothers boyfriend and her saviour. He is the first man that made her laugh again after my dad died and she and him were just on their way to start a new chapter together. Moving in to a house in Sweden together.

The irony is never lost on me. It was 2 days after the truck left with all their belongings from England, the night before the fly out to Sweden. He died the day I was supposed to go to Switzerland, but luckily we had already changed the fly out date.

My mother is so devastated. She feels like she has lost another soulmate. I don’t feel much in my protective plastic bubble but I can feel her pain. And I too miss Lars. He was a sound man with an awake mind. He is still alive in my head.

So I will tell you a story from my American healer. She saw my left side being numb. She could see where it was coming from in the brain. She also found a “Heidelberg” and wondered where it came from. My cousin that came down and stayed with me twice in Bad Schinznach lives in Heidelberg. What a weird coincidence! She said cousin had left some energy in left side and she would try to remove it as it was the wrong kind of energy, full of love but still not right for me.

When asked about my accident the healer said she saw no epilepsy attack prior to my fall. It was also earlier on the day than I thought. Apparently Harry was the first or second horse I was riding that day. The healer said outside energy took away my awareness. I will go further into this when I contact her next time.

So for the other big story when I was in my coma. I can’t remember anything from the hospital when I was in there but I have clear memory of me and my dad meeting up and discussing the family every day. I remember being flown through the sky to a stone wall, (I think it’s by Bellevere castle) and there we sat talking about everyone and everything for 30 days. It took me 2 full days after I had woken up from my coma to understand my dad has been dead almost 6 years.

i think dad was my guardian angel. I think I am happy to have him!

All the other memories from the first hospital are vague or don’t exist where as the memories from the time with my dad are still super clear.

So todays morning physio was complaining that I was already tired when she got here 8.30am. She has planned a lie in for me tomorrow so won’t start physio until 10am!

Last night Myrna was in a hugging mode. At 2am she came into my bedroom and wanted hugs. At 3.30am she wanted to give Niknak some hugs too. Nicola got the wrong end of the hugs and thought it was morning so she got up and got dressed. Waking up Millie in the process. When all the damage was done and Millie didn’t want to go back to sleep any more, Myrna came back in to my bedroom to give me more hugs again. This went on until 7am when we all got ready to actually get up and wake up Mel, who sleeps like an angel!

At this time there are more sadness to slalom through in my plastic bubble of calm. Dan’s dad is rapidly getting worse and I get reports from Dan who is in England on a daily basis. Dan wanted to come back to Mallorca and spend Christmas with the children and me but now I think he is rethinking that.

It’s a tough call. We will miss him of course but England might not survive without him there for Christmas. And I am tough even though I am still only 30% body and 75% mind. Although I have sorted out the wireless network problem we had before! So I am thinking my brain power might be coming back. Although I have looked at some code for programming and both Java and C: are gone. They are the languages I have lost in this accident! Luckily it wasn’t English or Spanish that went!

This lunchtime I spent with a friend of mine in Santa Ponca. I saw her new house and we had sushi. Special treat! Then I came back home for a special yoga session. I had my 2 friends that are yogis come over and involve themselves in my yoga program. It was awesome! Better than I had ever thought. They practice 2 different styles of YOGA. Sandra does Vinyasa and Linda does Kundalini yoga. So different and yet together I thought I could really take the best of them. I was surprised I could do downward dog without any spinning head! So now I’ll do some yoga every day as it won’t upset anything!

So in short I am making progress. Dan is still away. Mum has sad days and better days. I’m still in my protective bubble and I will keep it on as I cope so much better with all pressures with it on. Millie has been selected as next years Libero baby in Sweden. She will be on the number 4 of Libero diapers! She looks a little bit ginger on the photo but I think they must have altered it a little.

Keep Smiling 🙂 There are a few slalom gates to get through but I will yoga my way threw it clad in my lightly pink plastic bubble.

Well we have all heard about the chilly north of Europe. Snow, wind and cold. Minus 20 in Sweden at some points and minus 6 in the UK.

Well here it’s pretty warm to the point that you can’t wear a simple jacket if you go out for a walk outdoors, heaven!

My movement is not improving as fast as I would like. I guess a little better every day is better than no difference but it frustrates me a little.

Yesterday Dan went to England again to see his dad. We went out for a walk with the 4 dogs and 3 girls. We went to Chopin’s house (a house where Chopin had stayed over a winter)as it’s so close to our house.

I was really warm and the dogs kept escaping and upsetting neighbouring dogs. Thank god they listen when you shout at them and they all got caught before they got eaten by one of the bigger hounds.

Today we walked over to our neighbours for their sons 4 year old party. I drunk 3 cups of coffee and eat lots of olives. It was all ok until we decided to leave due to tired children. As we were leaving I took a walk through the living room and hall way, not realising the difference of height on the floors as well as the spread of toys. As I fell my way through the living space I heard things crushing under my feet as I was trying to stay upright. As I smashed into their glass front door I managed to stay on my feet but I didn’t dare to stay and assess the damage I had managed to spread. Oh dear. I have become one of these persons that people will not want to invite to their houses as I won’t even know when I do damage to peoples property….

My left side has received an oil to improve the sensation, but so far no improvement… I have got bad skin on my left side of face as well…. oh and to follow on with weird things happening to me yesterday I tried to put my ear rings back in but in my righr ear you can’t even see that I have ever had a hole. In the left ear where I had 2 holes before you can sort of see one but it’s not open for any ear rings. After an attempt that left my fingers bloody and the hole no more open I decided to ask my friends on Facebook if they had heard this happening to other people. The answers back were not giving me any indication on this being a “normal” occurrence. I also asked my neighbour today as he is a doctor. He said it must have something to do with what I was treated with in hospital.

We walked home as we were all getting tired except maybe Nicola. When we got home we watched Ice Age 4, then the girls wanted to go out for a bike ride and I fancied falling asleep. Instead I watched “Sahara” a movie with Penolope Cruz in from 2005. It was awesome! Like a modern take on Indiana Jones! Loved it, but then double vision hit me and film watching and writing was made difficult.

Never mind!

I have to find things that I can do on my own to stay fit. I have come up with nothing so far. Paddle surfing will be ok in the summer I think. Running is off, cycling is off all swimming is off unless I have company.(because of the epilepsy) I was recommended hill walking/climbing and as we live in Mallorca there are plenty of hills around. The only thing I need is someone to drive me there.

Keep Smiling 🙂 There is always a hill to climb!

So I have had another couple of days with children, physio and acupuncture.

I have a few new things that I am doing with physio or by my self. Ball throwing and standing on one leg for example. For a full 20 seconds on each leg. On a bosu ball (this is so nearly impossible but hopefully soon I’ll be able to impress you all)

Yesterday it was Santa Lucia and my girls were both in the trail at the Swedish school. They were so good! Singing loud and clear! In todays Ultima Hora we can all see photographs of them! I am impossibly proud of them all! Millie also starred in her kindergarden christmas show! But they were both on at the same time. Luckily Millie had a second showing today and we went to see her as a bell!

I had a time at Cortes Ingles to do my shopping today. I went to the wrong one and I was not able to get anything that I needed or wanted. After a full hour of Cortes Ingles I was allowed out to have a coffee. For the coffee Ola came to join in with Dan and me. Then Dan left me with Ola and as we sat there a man arriving from the outside. I saw he was looking at me as I should know him. I should know him. And when he came in to the cafe he came up to our table. My brain was getting into remembering mode, working so hard! And I remembered him! He is a friend of a friend really and I have only known him this year! But I remembered with name and everything! There is still hope for me!

I have had to put down Jolly today. Very sad. She was super special but something lacked in her way of mending herself. She had 2 eye operations and she ended up blind. I’m upset but luckily I am still wearing my plastic bubble.

It’s great for every day annoyances as well as big griefs etc. I should patent it really.

Nicola has just arrived back from Palma where she was almost stopped by riot police. Wow excitement on a friday night! I normally get so tired at 8pm there is nothing I can do after that. Except for blogging and face booking. Boring life. I used to be so much fun!

Now all children are asleep and mum is going through the fridge to get something for me to eat. Oh thank you!

Keep Smiling 🙂 Horses go to horse heaven

So the first day of physio therapy at home yesterday.

8.15 am Monica arrived to start off. We set up studio in the office. There was a box full of balls and a mat and a skipping rope. She ignored all of it and asked me -What are you struggling with at home? I said -The stairs. As I have a veto set by my husband that I am not even allowed to go downstairs by myself. -Ok lets walk upstairs. she said.

We were walking up and down the stairs 3 times. `for those of you that have not been to my house they are nasty steep stairs with a little flimsy railing on one side only. That side is my left side on my way down. And as I suffer from double vision when i look down there are so many steps.

We then took time finding my equilibrium and stand on one leg on the lowest step and balance for 10 seconds with the other leg in a nice shape backwards. Yikes. Never knew balance on one leg could be so hard.

After playing with the balls with throwing and catching we also did some folding of clothes. That I really struggle with. She told me there are websites you can learn how to fold. I used to be able to fold no problem, it’s just now my left hand wants nothing to do with me.

I got given tasks to do every hour. Climbing the stairs 3 times up and down and stand on one leg 3 times for 10 seconds in balance. Have just done my first set. Blimey, I think I can do this! I was also given homework like touching as many things as possible with my left hand and groom and massage horses. A lot of work for my left side.

I went to stable around 10.30. Nicola was gonna drive but she had a call from school saying that Myrna was sick. Oh bother, Elena was coming to the rescue! We  were supposed to be in Sweden and England now but things have changed and us not being away means we get to meet our house sitters/baby sitters/dog sitters for 4 days! Milly’s one godmother is here, Libby and her husband Andy.

So nice to see them! They got riding on Lucky and Lara. I was very impressed especially with Andy’s improvement since last time 3 years ago.

In the afternoon we went for lunch at Wellies. So great to be here again. As usual I had the goat cheese salad. At 2.30 I was so tired I nearly fell off my chair. We went to pick up Mel from school. My first time back at the school since my accident. I was a little worried as I didn’t want to meet someone I didn’t recognise. At least I would have known it was something to do with the school.

When we came back home some more training and had the girls to help me. At 4.30 I called my American healer who by now has me almost healed! After the 30 min healing session I was totally out of it so I went to bed for a full 3 hours. Dan woke me up to have soup for dinner and I went to bed again around 10pm.

Didn’t wake until today 7am!

8.15am session with physio Monica. Today Myrna was still at home from school so she was helping out with all the ball throwing and balance exercise. It went really well and even Monica said how much better I had become in one day. She finished off by telling Nicola I should get some clean clothes to fold. This I then did for he next hour or so.

1pm Acupuncture with Gudrun. About 100 needles went in my left side and it really made a difference. She put on fire balls on the needles on my legs and arms. Awesome!

Lunch we treated ourselves to Portixol! I had a lot of meat and felt great afterwards. Gudrun said listen to what your body wants to eat. I said meat and chocolate. (not together) She said meat was for energy and chocolate was against my frustration. She could feel a lot of frustration in my body. Not really surprising as body won’t do what I want to do. She said try and visualise yourself in doing things you enjoy instead of thinking of things you can’t do.

Well I said. Most things I like doing I can’t do any more. Stand up paddle is out of the question, as is cycling and running/mountain climbing. Well there is that edge that I have always had in liking the not too easy things to do which now works against me. Walking on straight tarmac roads just doesn’t hit me with excitement! Also reading which I used to like I can’t do as my double vision kicks in.

Got home and had some more physio with Myrna and walking up and down stairs.

Am planning a schedule for the week to come. To have a bit more structure to this unstructured life.

My mother lands here tomorrow. With her 2 dogs. We will see in a few days how everyone gets along.

Keep Smiling 🙂 Some of you can walk stairs without seeing it as a workout!

You have to excuse me.

i’ve been quiet since i got home.

There is lots to take in and finally in my bubble I can start to see things and how different they are.

In Bad Schinznach I thought every days improvement was something important. Here it just proves I have such a long way to go. Nothing is easy. I went to see the doctor yesterday and when he asked me where I thought i was I honestly said I’m at 20% compared to where I used to be.

Then Dan shared something he had noticed about the level of my voice how childish it sounded and my laugh sounded weird so I then thought I’m at 18%, 82% to go. Dan had also had a coversation on the phone with Fred Wandsworth my dietician in England. He warned Dan about my impending weight gain as I was going to eat as much as before but only burn a small amount of calories. So Dan has made himself my own private guilty conscious. Every time I go to take a treat he is there reminding me about my impending sumo status.

Will try and upgrade my plastic bubble to one that Dan can’t reach in.

We also met with my future physio therapist. Monica she is called. I will have her 5 days a week and for 90 min to start with. Gosh do they know what they are dealing with? I fall asleep after only 15 min interaction with my kids. She seams a nice person and she will involve horses in my rehabilitation. By grooming and spending time around horses I will become better apparently! This was the only part Dan, my conscious, was hearing and understanding fully, as Monica was speaking only in Spanish. A look at him said it all. Not amused!

Thursday I made it up to the stable! I saw all the horses and Elena. It was brilliant. We also took the now blind Jolly for a walk around the block 2 times. Her stitches will come out next week and then we will know. If she is blind we will have put her down. That is so sad. What a bad year for everything.

Yesterday we met a man who knew my sister. When he saw me he smiled, like we knew each other. This is the biggest worry for me. I had not got a clue who he was. In the end it transpired we had never met. Thank god! Well I have to prepare myself for a lot of embarrassing moments of meeting people that think I know them and I have completely forgotten them. I am going through my facebook and delete everyone I can’t remember. I might upset someone, but then they have to remind me of how we know each other. It’s a new way to start some people say. I’m not sure at all. What if I can’t remember people that have been or said nasty/stupid things, would you not rather remember that so they wouldn’t do it again?

Today Dan has gone out cycling. He is wearing proper winter gear again. Long sleeves and long legs. Last time I saw him go out on a bike he was in summer gear. Oh the difference.

Nicola said it’s because of us having peacock feathers indoors it’s really bad luck. And judging by this fall she is probably right. She has removed them from kitchen window and put them outside. I think it’s less bad luck now hopefully.

I have a title for my book if i am ever to write one: Further to fall

I think it kind of tells my story in a way. How I would like to see it told. I mean it’s different if you are at top of your game with 3 very young children and a career that means you have to be physically fit. To have an accident there it’s “further to fall” than if you were not so dependant on all of the above for a working physical body. It’s also “further to climb” on your way back. Some people get it most people don’t.

They are just so happy I can walk unassisted short distances, and move my left side. They only compare me to the me they saw in hospital. Not the me from before. It’s almost as if they are ashamed of remembering me from before. I used to be good, great in some ways. This year of 2012 I finished Vattern rundan a 300km bike race and I was crowned Champion of Mallorca in show jumping. So try and remember that when you see me. I have 82% of improvements still to go to get back to me.

Another 10 months until I can drive a car again. The double vision is driving me mad as I see everything twice. But today is a new day. More to learn.

Keep Smiling 🙂 There are plenty of things to learn!

Started day early with a smile on face. Sure last night had been kind of hectic as I had started packing and thus realizing I did not have a big enough bag for all my stuff as well as Dan’s and the girls leftover clothes. I calculated I was about a medium size bag short.

Breakfast we had in total harmony. My gluten free bread arrived fine. My lactose free milk and English breakfast tea. But I was missing something! My lactose free yogurt! How dare they? But as it was the last day they could get away with it I guess.

I was feeling strange. Mallorca feels so far away yet I’m on my way home now. Mum is going to Sweden and from there we only heard that planes were delayed or cancelled because of a huge snow storm. Poor mum she might have a night in zurich.

Anyway, got to see and say goodbye to my therapists. I brought them some Swedish crisps as we never ate it. Caroline seamed excited about them.

I said goodbye to my fellow patients. Some were going to be stuck at Bad Schinznach over Christmas. I don’t envy them. Even though the Christmas decorations are awesome already. I’d rather be at home with my family.
We had ordered a taxi for 12 and before that I had mentioned in reception I was 1 medium bag short. So they sent up a perfect size bag! It fitted all the things that wouldn’t fit in my other bag!
I finished packing and even managed to close the zip by myself.
My bubble was helping me as I had some problems regarding my level of disability.
Thank you bubble! Will keep you for some more weeks.
In the taxi on the way to airport my brother in law Micke called to say he was on the same flight as me! Oh how fun. No need to be all alone for ages.
Got checked in at wheelchair assistant check-in. It’s great as you then get help to and from the gates.
I knew Micke was at the central cafe, mum went straight to see Micke and I got a driver and then got taken through security.
I had another call from Sweden saying there was snow storm going on still. Oh dear, I wonder if mum will get to Stockholm today.

Our flight to Palma went on time. It was full so Micke and I did not get to sit next to each other. So the hour and a half flight was spent looking through magazines.

When we got to Palma a special vehicle was awaiting us. We went to the front of the plane and then out on the right side.(yes where it’s normally closed/locked)there was a special ramp, and then a special car on stilts. It was amazing! Me and Micke walked in to the special car and sat down! It was as high as the plane, then the stilts lowered themselves to ground level. And the man drove us to the luggage pick up. Awesome! I was in a wheelchair again but I really didn’t mind as we were travelling at such speed.

After bags were picked up we went outside to find… Myrna and Melonie with a massive banner! WELCOME HOME! It said. The wheelchair driver rolled me underneath it and i got kisses from my angels!

I was starting to feel real again. For the first time in a long time.

When we went in to car park to find the car and went to the wrong level in the lift I felt more at home. At home Nicola had made dinner for us and I saw Millie for the first time in a long time. She couldn’t really look at me in the beginning, but after dinner it got better.

When we got to sit down in front of In the night garden, all Millie’s fear of me had disappeared. She was soon cuddling up to me like she normally would have.

I am keeping the plastic bubble for when I feel a little bit of an outsider to the family.

Now tomorrow is a red day in Spain. So we will all be at home doing christmas decoration. I have a program with home training that I could start with.

Very hard of how to see how it will all fit in to my real life. What is my real life at the moment?

Heard from mum she is stuck in Hilton Hotel in Zurich this evening. Poor mum. Lets hope she gets away soon tomorrow.

I on the other hand have definitely arrived home. I feel tired without any physio therapy today. Yet my legs are shaking like mad when I stand up. Very little actual exercise but a lot of emotions in one day.

Keep Smiling  🙂 Some days you arrive home and you know it!

So it has come to this last day of training at Bad Schinznach! Wow what an amazing journey it has been. I have come such a long way in a short amount of time.

Started day by walking downstairs and nearly slipped over in stair, but this time i was walking closer to the right handrail so what could have ended up as a nasty fall down some steep stairs instead ended up with a quick catching of body falling on hand rail.

Not pretty but SMART!

Then breakfast.

8.45 Physio therapy with Ennio. We played a little football. Dribbling like yesterday but he could already see an improvement! Then we threw balls to each other and i had to catch and throw them one handed. I even managed to catch a tennis ball. He was very happy with what i did we also did some kneeling and getting up without using arms action. This afternoon I was supposed to have a swimming therapy, but he changed it and asked what I wanted to do, I wanted to run. Running it will be later this afternoon!

11.15 am Ergo Therapy with Angelina. We did the test for strength of hands as well as test on how fasrt you could put sticks in to holes and take them out again. Again I improved! On strength I jumped to 21.5 kg on right hand and 9.3kg on left hand. With the stick that first time I couldn’t even get one in I managed a18 second on my right hand and thats even good for a “normal” person and a 32 second on my left hand! Brilliant! I have done such progress here. And its fun when I have proof of it in times and strength and kilos!

Lunch I had on my own as mum was exploring the area on foot and walked in to Brugg and had lunch there.

2pm Ergo therapy for the very last time with Angelina. She had saved the hard work for the afternoon. We did lots of throwing with balls and dribbling gymnast balls. Hard and fast pace. Phew. I did some standing up push ups on balls and we finished off with pushing of arms up and round with shoulders. Have to work on co-ordination. Still not really in sync with left hand, but a huge improvement since first time i did it. So a happy/sad goodbye. Happy as I am leaving and going home in an improved state, sad as I am leaving my reality of now.

Here is another reality. Non of the stress of being at home. You just go where you have to be every hour. For food, doctors and physios. Hell, I quite like being institutionalised. Here it’s kind of awesome!

3pm meet up with Ennio for our outdoors run. It’s poring down. It’s very cold. He asks -Are you sure you want to go out?- Yes I said. Then I told him about this mornings near accident in the stairs. So then he took me to the stairs again to see how i managed to almost fall down it. Then it happened again. I very nearly lost my balance and got it back thanks to catching myself on the railing. My legs go like jellly when I slow down to the pace he wants me to go in. I think its a combination of double vision when I look down together with bad co-ordination and bad muscles. Never mind, he agrees that holding on to railing is probably for the best now. Ennio has made me a drawing with excersises that I should do when I go back home. He has painted in my pink hair! Very funny, otherwise I look very similar to a stick man and the excersises look boring…. never mind. They will be useful!

So then we head out in the cold and rain and we run. I feel almost like a real runner for the first 300meters. Then fatigue gets me. But we keep running/walking/skipping all the way down to the river and then look at the huge waterfall that has come because of all the snow falling and now melting. It’s so beautiful. We run with very short strides. All the autumn leaves crush under my feet. The river is right next to us. All grey and mysterious like rivers can be.

So my treatments here are over. I quickly go up to catch mum to go for a quick swim in the hot springs. We started of in the 25meters pool but it felt almost cold compared to the hot springs. So after 2 lengths we decided to head back to the river hot spring. There I managed to float on my back for the first time! After tea and multivitamin juice we went and had a lie down in our favourite sauna. Heaven!

When we got home I decided to colour my hair pink again. Well if there is one thing I used to do myself colour my hair is one of the things I always did. Well this could go either way. It’s a script for a last day catastrophe. I managed to dye my left ear pink. Not too bad. When I washed the colour out it dyed the entire shower and some towels and some floor pink. Lets hope the Swiss love the pink. Ah well. They will have to now. Have yet to dry hair to see what colour actually has got stuck to the hair.

Soon down for last dinner.

Keep Smiling 🙂 Somewhere some magic is truly happening.

Wow the start of week 4 at Clinic Bad Schinznach.

Mum had also got an early start seeing a doctor so we were both up before 7am. There were still snow outside so I thought no running outside today.

Monday.

I have not been thinking about days here other than weekends being a little less workload but today it was Monday. Mondays I used to love. It used to be the day I drove the kids to school then go to yoga. It was when I used to do horses in the afternoon and then have riding lessons for kids from the Swedish school. Oh it feels like a lifetime ago. My day started today at

9am Ergo therapy with Angelina. My left arm was still playing up and Angelina put some magic tape on it. It goes all the way up my left arm from the wrist to the elbow. It’s black. Not very camouflaged. After the tape we played a game I won. Only because Angelina put a rule she wasn’t allowed to take more than 3 at the time…

I was redecorating the inside of my plastic bubble as mum and I almost got back to old times. But as I have this plastic bubble there was no fighting. Oh the joy.

Mum went to talk to a psychologist and I went for my

11am Physio therapy with Ennio. Marlene has quit so only Ennio now. We did some work on the ground where i had to stand on my 2 knees. Then balance on one knee. And slowly take that knee forward and stand up. Sounds easy enough. But it was hell. My legs were shivering. Ennio says its the muscles getting back to work. Although he is getting more cautious about what he says to me. He said the dynamic work was good as we finished off playing football. The dribbling of the ball and either passing it to Ennio or rolling it back or just stopping the ball all went good. My static work I need more help with. All the quiet, still, slow work. I need some work with slowing down.

It is 2 months today since the accident. It could have been 3 years for me. I feel so unconnected with all.

Life in general i wonder? That will be the biggest question for me. How do I slow me down? I’m the quickest person I know. Not just riding, but in life. I make decisions ultra quick, never to look back again, never to regret. I eat quick even when I think about it and try to eat slow. I can’t even manage slowing that down how do I manage to slow life down?

Then we had lunch.

After lunch we walked over to the shop that is situated close to the hotel. We had no luck, as it was monday it was all closed until 2pm.

2pm More physio therapy with Ennio in the gym. But to start with we were making a training schedule for my return home. Things I could do at home on my own and things I could do training wise as well as with physios in Palma. We finished off the lesson with a bit of skipping rope. I managed to skip 5 times in the row! Then he was brutally honest with me and said. -I think you might fall again. You strike me as the kind of person that might just get yourself in a situation. What on earth could he mean? He took out some mats then asked me to fall backward then roll off the mat. We continued by falling forwards, sideways and rolling on my shoulders. In the end he looked pleased. Almost wonder if he thought to himself “yeah next time she falls she will roll out of it no problem” I did show him the evidence of photographs from yesterdays accident where the full frontal fall was non mistaken on either my clothes or the marking in the snow. Ah well I might fall better in a controlled environment. We then went through training methods. Thai Chi and yoga top of his list but rather than to start in a group do a 1 on 1 to start you off. Running could be good. But I need someone with me to tell me to drop bad habits. Finished with Ennio for today.

I went to look for mum in the shop. She was nowhere to be found, but I very narrowly escaped falling over again very close to where it happened yesterday. Maybe the training had worked?

15.15 Ergo therapy with Angelina. Balls, stand up push ups. Hard. Then a lie down plank… no two of those.. so hard. Finished off with some full frontal swimming. On bed, arms out in front of me and paddle like hell. High arms, drop head down. Forward then pull arms backwards, shoulders touching. That 16 times x3. Ouch! Finished off with some re-allining of shoulder. Sitting up. She looks so pretty and not evil at all, but boy does she know how to work you.

15.45 psychology with Silvia. Last session with head doctor. Now realise I should have asked her question about slowing me down. We had 45 min talking about my feelings about going home. What would change? How I have realised since my accident in my bubble, everybody shows/tells me their ailments. Almost to try and equal me. Silvia says it’s normal. They try and make me feel closer to alright because they are also ill. How does this work? Anyway I from now on ban people voicing their ailments to me unless they need me to treat them.

16.30 psychic phone call. I have this friend in Mallorca and she put me in touch with this healer woman. We had a 30 min conversation. It was very interesting. I will tell you more later.

Had locked self in room for privacy. Mum now back from the shop, desperate for loo. No more privacy and last 10 minutes of the phone call were a little less healing more stressing.

Mum and I went to the hot springs again. Heaven. We should all have a hot spring at home. Lets all move to Iceland!

Dinner was lovely as usual. my desert was plums in cinnamon. Who would have known it works so well?

Keep Smiling 🙂 If I fall from today on I know how to land!