I thought I haven’t spent enough time on our sofa in the last year so if just give it a little loving so he knows how draw he is!

Alright, I’m not going to lie. This is another tough passage in my “healing after head injury trauma blog”. Maybe I should rename the blog to something along the lines of “traumatic trauma blog for the clinically traumatized” or how about “1 year of being in hospital more times than I have been out seeing my friends”?

Of course I could bore you all by saying how sick and tired I am by being sick (I am not tired anymore!) but I’d rather fill you with my very own half insightful thoughts. Everybody have been very supportive and I have more DVDs here than I actually think I’ll be able to watch. There is an ongoing line of questioning “why does it always happen to you?” So I have been thinking about that.

I do not believe I conduct myself in a dangerous manner around what I do. Maybe it could be related to how much I manage to get out of a day. (Normally, not now!)

On an average day or even working hour I mange to do twice or three times the average of anyone else I know. Of course the initial head injury made me slow down because of factual physical limitations. But as I adopted my theories and changed the way to work to fit my new slightly modified left side power and stability, my natural speed started to return again.

Just think about this. If you had 48hrs in a day and you cramped everything in that you normally do in 2 days then shrink it back to your normal 24hrs but keep all your activities in there. That’s where I am normally. That’s where I belong naturally.

So the accidents that I get surrounded by could partly be due to the speed I do things in.

I had a great comment from a friend saying “If it wasn’t for bad luck, you wouldn’t have any luck at all!”. At least in this parallel universe I am still around to tell my story. But it breaks my heart knowing how far I had come back to my old self before this latest catastrophy.

My fear now is the return of Parkinsonism because of limited moving around. It was only after I had started riding again the tremors stopped. And after finishing on the dopamine that I had enough syrcronization to start to run again. Therefore I am already on the lookout for any method where I can exercise my right hand side without disturbing my left now broken and bruised side. Try to google for some and there just aren’t any…

After the doctor said I had broken my elbow and a bone in my knee I have had a trial of googling human skeleton to find out what bones they could be.

In the knee it looks like it could be the top of my fibula (the thinner of the two bones going through your lower leg). In the elbow it seams to be the radial head. But other lovely friends of mine has offered to look at ex rays and come back to me with suggestions and advise.

A lot of you ask if I’m in a lot of pain, and thankfully, not too much. Only when I move. So lying on a sofa at the moment makes sense, although I’m always looking forward, so any tips for keeping “active” whilst in plaster all left side would be very appreciated!

Keep smiling 🙂 Even when you feel you can’t it’s still better than frowning!

I was being a little cocky for a nano second of my pathetic being.

And what happened was… well a broken leg and a broken arm… tells you how close I was to the truth!

It’s a definite sign that I was onto something big! I have had weird accidents like the one that put me in a coma a year ago, and today’s accident that cemented into my scull “Don’t mess with the gods of Lego!”. I was minding my own business working away on my horses and I was following a routine I started just a week ago. Basically dividing the amount of horses I have to work in 2 and have a break after I finished riding half of them.

As I was getting on to number 5 of 6 of the day she was very annoyed about the flies around her belly and swishing her tail. As I put my right leg over her behind it got caught in her tail.
I decided to get of her and as I did she started to panic as my boot was still stuck in her tail.
She decided to bolt away as quick as she could and it made me go flying. Not far only about 150cm on to ground as I was already on way off her but boy did it get me. My entire left side was dragged after the fall on gravel. And even though I don’t even feel anything on my left side, it hurt.

It hurt so much I went from normally pleasant self to howling, swearing, spitting, choking new self. Santa Maria has never before been enlightened in such a broad array of Swedish swear words. They just came hailing through my shouting mouth and in to the infinity of fresh country air surrounding the stables. I was in pain.

Previously I have almost felt a little joy just to feel something on my left side. I wasn’t too bothered it was pain. At least it was something! Now I felt pure shear pain cutting through me like nothing ever had before.

People came to my rescue only to be told off “do not touch me”!

I was taken away to hospital in kindest possible manner by Eduardo the stable owner. Still trying to make some sense of the horrible horrible accidents that keep coming my way.

At Juaneda I met lots of my old friends! I had bled so much from my elbow I had to tell them all at the hospital that it wasn’t wee on my jodhpurs, it was blood.

2 hours later I had been stitched up and x rayed! At first they said no worries, so I already started planning tomorrow’s riding order when the doctor came by me a couple of times asking if I had seen any person with translation skills.

He eventually found one… And the news were not so good. Broken elbow. And broken knee.

So that’s why I was in pain! I’ve only ever broken, my collarbone, a few ribs, my pelvis, my left foot, my coccyx. But I have maybe gotten a litter older and fragile. I can’t remember pain like it.

Having to cancel everything planned for the next few days. I got a little annoyed. Then I was released from the hospital and taken back home by my lovely husband. Then for you who have been at my house and realise the structure of it, came the problem. How on earth do you get anywhere with a broken leg if you can’t use crutches? Well the short answer is -you just don’t!

As we got back home and I hauled my ass out of the car standing on one leg, trying to balance or hop to get the 25m from the car park to our back door. In the end I got carried on a chair the 25m by husband (slightly more sweaty now) and Katja who only started a couple of weeks ago to be my assistant and help out at home a little. The two of them carried my chariot and in the end I got all the way to the 5 steps to go up to my house. Here a me technique developed. Me sitting on my bottom pulling myself up backwards whilst Dan was holding my fully plastered broken leg. In the end I was pulled on top of an ikea rug the final 10m. I made it! I was totally knackered. Had pain in most of my left side. Decided to lay on the floor and feel sorry for myself. For 5 min. Then I managed to pull myself up on the sofa, being aided by my now loving husband.

So here I am. I doubt I’ll move very far, if at all in the next couple of weeks.

Keep smiling 🙂 I have been through a bit in the last year and if I can’t smile for something, I decide to smile at me. For being to up most cursed person I know, one day I’ll be able to write about it all!

It’s 51 weeks since the Wednesday morning in October 2012. I know this year it will fall on a Thursday but that’s a calendar thing, no fault of mine.

So many things have been going through my mind and it still is going over and over again. What my life was before the accident, and what has become of my life, work, family in the last year.

Of course I am thankful. That I am still here, to see my lovely children learn new things and growing up into 3 wonderful independent beings. That I can still ride, and in the last month that I have come back to the rider I was before the accident. Altered slightly, but in essence, “same same but different” they would have called me if I was anything in Thailand.

The other week I had this insightful thought. About plural universes. Simultaneously working with the same pieces of lets say “Lego” that all started out more or less identical, but since every choice made by every piece of “Lego” divides the universe, we end up in quad zillions of universes all living our lives according to the choices we made. I was convinced for almost a whole day that I was actually dead, in my last universe. And now I had continued my new life in this new universe…

I know, it makes my head hurt a little, trying to put words to my accidental unplanned thinking spree.

I am now more focused on staying getting better day by day. And soon the 3/10 will be here. And hopefully I will still be around to write about it!

Keep smiling 🙂 imagine you in your other universes!!! Who would you be?

I cannot believe it. 11 whole months of my life has passed…

I feel like I’ve more or less have lost almost 3 years. The day to day fighting trying to stretch my limits a little further, only to realize I am still far behind where I was in May.

But ok here we go AGAIN. Yesterday I regained something that has been amiss since may, my synchronization that makes it possible for me to run. So that’s what I did! Mostly on the spot or in a small circle, but I RAN! I have never been so happy about any single thing that I have managed to do! It somehow made me realize I might just might learn to live with this.

I have quit my dopamine drug now. I have been dopamine free for nearly 9 days and my tiredness has started to fade! I put it down to the quitting of drinking coffee. I love coffee. It makes me feel like a real person. Nespresso makes loads of delicious flavors. I was on decaf for a bit but grew tired of the plain coffees. I started adding a sugar and drank caffeinated coffee with 1 sugar as a rule. Maybe 1-3 every day. Then I decided, as I can’t really taste the sweetness of sugar and I only really took one as I felt it was a bit naughty. So about 3 weeks ago I stopped drinking sugar in my coffee. Little by little I started to get affected by coffee in ways I never have heard anyone else be affected by it. I got more tired. In the end I almost fell asleep whilst riding. I tried to double up my coffee and on the last caffeine day I drank 2 coffees between horses. Then I very nearly fell asleep on the horse. Afterwards I slept 5 hours during that day. And still managed to go to bed at 10pm and slept a full 8hr night.

So what happened? Well caffeine when it reached my body got my insulin really shooting out and working overtime trying to get rid of any available sugar in my system. That’s why I got such demanding tiredness. I finished the caffeinated coffee and since then I have not had a mid day sleep!

There is so much happening and I guess my poor Spanish neurologist will have a heart failure when she heard of me quitting all her drugs. To the new drug free me!

I have had a razor sharp, ultra quick visit from Julie Andrews. She won the Ladies Championship at Scope festival last week and came here mon-Wednesday. So yesterday as I was feeling so well, with run in my legs, we jumped! I jumped 4 horses and Julie got on our very favorite Golden Girl, Lucky!

It went very well! I didn’t jump big, only about 1 meter, but we worked with keeping the horses straight and using their backs and dropping their heads. It was awesome! I am so in awe! I don’t think you can appreciate what you have until you are forced to live without it for a while. Then if you are lucky enough to regain what you’ve lost and experience it again, that is magical!

Keep Smiling 🙂 magic appears wherever you least expect it.