We have had a beautiful week in the north Devon coast village of Croyde. We went there to become surfers and body boarders but sadly because of a decrease of weather goodness in the land of Eng, surfing was reduced to a day but in the meantime as I wasn’t riding I had to find something physical to do to drain my over energetic brain that otherwise goes in to over drive.

Most people can’t see that anything has ever been wrong with me if they meet me afresh now. Only if I point out what they should look out for they can spot my weaknesses. That is until I run. There is an episode of Friends where Phoebe takes Rachel for a run in the park. Phoebe looks like a mix of a raving lunatic and a child. I think my coordination has a little way to go before I can look less like her. Actually I think at the moment I resemble a female version of Forrest Gump. But I don’t mind. I’m actually running! I started on a 2 kilometer track and took my 7 year old daughter and we finished with a couple of sandy sprints on the beach!
I’m sure that people if they did see us was wondering what the retarded pink haired lady was doing with the awesomely fast small girl, but we created magic. On my third day of running I started to feel stronger already and I built up longer tracks to run. My last run was 8.1km long over a cross country track running along the coast, beautiful! And ok, all coordination isn’t there already, but it’s slowly getting better!

Today I am flying from UK to Sweden via Schipol airport and I haven’t had to use airport assistance at all! I’m doing alright!

Keep smiling 🙂 if you end up next to a snorer in your flight start singing a little, find a tune that kind of keeps the same rhythm as the snorer… Or else a sharp elbow in his ribs might do the trick?

We are in London for the Global Championship Tours British leg. It’s incredible. They have built up the arena on the Horse Guards Parade. Bang in the middle of London! It’s such a Privilage to be here.
Julie Andrews is jumping our horses and so far 3 starts with 1 first, 1 second and 1 third! Awesome going for the team, it’s nice to be here close to the action. But in the same way it’s a bit of a reminder of how far I’ve got to go.
My mind shifts between one scenario where I will be back jumping and training to quite a high level, the other scenario is quite different. I’m not sure of what scares me more. I don’t want to see myself failing in anything. But at the moment I just see myself constantly struggling. I don’t want to be known as a failure and I’d hate to let people down by not living up to people’s expectations.
Even if people expect nothing from me it’s tough. There is almost no way I remember the things in passing. Geography is awful at the moment. As in place names. Totally gone are my previously awesome skills in finding my way everywhere. I am half of what I used to be. The sad thing is that I now become more and more aware of my failures and faults. Gone is my mindless pleasure of not really knowing what was missing. My mind is now clear enough to realize my faults and shortcomings.
Physically I think I am getting stronger. At least people that I only see once in a while comment on how much better I look! Double vision is still going strong. It’s killing my driving sometimes. But all I have to do is close one eye and then I see normal again.
David Andrews says blogging is not as much fun as snogging. So there you are!

Keep smiling 🙂 as long as you think you ARE!

Getting into August
Mallorca heat. It apparently was hotter than this last year. We try to finish work early. Riding finish before 10.30 am but it’s still over +32 degrees.
Today I was doing a canter exercise with all 4 horses. Leaving my legs feeling a bit like jelly.
Standing up in your stirrups for 64 laps of canter might not sound a lot but in time it’s basically a bit over 1 hour on a moving horse. I will feel it tomorrow.
I was ok this morning but as strangeness comes with this body after the accident I always have to double check everything. I lost my voice 2 days ago. For no reason. No cold, singing, screaming, fever. The same way as I lose my balance 2-4 days before I realize I have an illness, this might be a new way of finding out what’s to come?
The voice is back but I now am super tired. And I have a shortness of breath not seen for 4-7 years. Today after I got home I have been asleep most of the day. Sleeping does not make me any less tired, rather a bit more tired again.
I found an in date inhaler and that’s sorted out breathing! Now I’m in bed so hopefully sleep should sort out my tiredness! And hopefully I will breathe like normal again tomorrow!

Keep smiling 🙂 even if you are tired it can lift you!

We have gathered everyone in the family and paused life for one week and taken our travels to Menorca. Mallorcas smaller further northern sister.
It’s only 2 hours on a ferry and an hour or so in a car when you get to the port. But it feels like traveling back in time. For a week we have lived without any wifi or network connection and only mobile network for a few minutes every day. There are no motorways, no heavy traffic, no musts, no has too’s. We just did our family thing and for one week doing nothing was the most productive I’ve been mentally for a long time.
In the doing nothing I managed to include 3 bike rides, a boat trip and some sightseeing so Menorcans do not have to be appalled by the lazy swede. I have decided to try and come back to Menorca. Hopefully stay for two weeks next time!
Before my vacation I had managed to get caught up in some negative thinking. Comparing the me of today to the me that could have been. Because people mainly concentrate on the positive bits of my recovery they do point out how lucky I am. Yes I know that in ways I have been very lucky but part of me wants to scream like a spoilt brat, that having half a body that doesn’t feel enough or in a way you can relate to does not feel very “lucky”. That whilst following all your friends and competitors results at shows that you should have been jumping at, now maybe you will never be able to compete again, also does not feel so incredibly “lucky”.
On the other hand I clearly can see how this has changed me as a person. Maybe not a nicer one but at least a more compassionate one.
I have more time for everyday things. Maybe because I have more time to spend on thinking, or maybe just because I find it hard to focus on the bigger issues so I spend more time thinking about closer, smaller things.
I had jet another “close encounter” on a horse the week before we went on holiday. It was a small, nothing thing really, a horse just spooking at things that weren’t even there but as I was determined to stay on and work said horse it left me with a smacked chin and a neck stiff as a board and “whiplash” screaming right at me. I finished working the disobedient creature and as I got of I thought “oh oh! That really doesn’t feel good at all”… Luckily I had the acupuncture lady booked in that very evening! She did some needles and then put on some brightly colored tape all over my back. I thought I would be put of action for the whole holiday, she gently asked me not to ride horses for 1 week and in reality it only made me not ride for 2 days as I had holiday booked in. The amazing thing was the day after the incident. I woke up. Not in agony and immobility. No but in normality! Other than my back looking like architectural plans for Stonehenge, I wasn’t in pain. I had almost full movement of my neck. It was incredible! I’ve had so many neck related “whip lash” accidents to my neck. I know when I have something happening to my neck it takes time, normally between 2-3 weeks until I can move my head freely. The pain would normally stay for another 2-3 weeks.
With the athletic chiropractic tapes in combination with acupuncture needles I was was back to normal within 2 days. After 5 days I removed the tape and the needles. Now after a full 10 days I feel completely natural, normal… or at least back to where I was before the latest incident.
I can definitely recommend my acupuncturist! Carolina Morena in Palma.
Now we are on the ferry back towards Mallorca. I have more energy, I feel more focused and I have set myself another goal. I will try and keep the blogging going as it settles my mind and makes me aware of things that somehow should be obvious, but don’t really shows it’s true colors until it’s on print!

Keep smiling 🙂 there is always time to become a better person!