Sorry for this delay! I should put a reminder for me to remember to fill this space. I hope your lives have stayed full even though my pages have been a bit empty lately.

I find myself on the beach. Not on just any beach but at Thonga beach! In the region of Kwazulu Natal in South Africa.

We are here thanks to my mother Eva. She had a special birthday and for all of us to forget about that she sent us down here. We are here kids and all. We started off “safaraing” for 5 days and now we are exploring the coastline.

Health wise this is where I am today.

After coming back from Europe to see my horses jumping I kept going at that tempo at home. Not good. I have to learn sometime… I started going form one place to the next and ignoring little signs that my body was sending me. As I was too busy getting things done, my daughters birthday party and horses before I was leaving for Africa, I couldn’t slow down. And then I got vertigo. Every time I walked, stood up, lied down, turned over my whole world was spinning uncontrollable. I lost my balance and fell over for very small every day things such as going to the loo or getting out of bed.

I’m not a fan of falling over. The spinning I don’t mind so much, I just try to enjoy my own private roller coaster, but falling over is always a bit tricky. No matter how focused I am on the task of falling it never works out the way you planned it to. And with a left side still protesting on my every exercise it nearly always ends up damaging me more.

I went to see a doctor the day I started falling over and she checked all my vitals and she came to the conclusion that the vertigo was probably due to an inner ear infection but to rule out any other nasty neurological stuff she referred me to see a new neurologist. That neurologist seems a popular woman and I’m booked in to see her when I come back from Africa. I saw my other doctor once more before going to Africa just to make sure I would be ok to fly, I got the ok!

We flew 4 planes. 2 international and 2 domestic to get here. As well as spending times in bus transfers that all get lost on the strange roads in Kwazulu Natal. But here it’s magical. The sad thing is that not until now I’ve realized that I have real restrictions in my life. Ok the head spinning is not making things easy but I have chosen to soldier on regardless. I think delving to far down in to feeling sorry for myself doesn’t ever bring me satisfaction or solves any problems for me. But I got the realization yesterday. Just as we had arrived at this slice of paradise. I can’t do so many of the “natural” things I would like to do when I am on a vacation.

Exploring things by foot is kind of hard to do. Running or exercising also not really an option. I cannot kayak, scuba dive or do anything that would put me in danger of falling over or tripping. So relaxing on a sun lounger is what is on my capable plan. That’s possibly why people take vacations in the first place but as people who know me knows how far away this is from the core me, it was a lot to take in and accept.

Today is a new day. The sun is still shining. The Indian Ocean keeps rolling in to the 20km deserted beach we have been designated.

I am getting a bit better and less dizzy day by day. Let’s hope by the time I return it will all be a thing in the past.

Keep smiling 🙂 crying sometimes is the necessary evil to allow your blocked thought process to complete

Almost! It feels like I almost am back to someone I’d like to be again!

Energy levels slightly better but I have 1-2injections a week. I have had my test results back last week and I have 107 times too high levels of arsenic in my body. That’s from a hair sample. Where could I have gotten that from? I am not sure. To that level you have to digest or drink large quantities… People say I should test the family and part of me thinks yeah, good idea. Other part of me thinks if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Anyway to clear arsenic from body I have been given a few medicines. Old school go to pharmacist who mixes up your meds medicine! That in conjunction with injections. Eucolation, (it’s probably called something totally different) it’s supposed to strengthen the blood and give it power to remove the dirt and bad products from your system.

I don’t actually care so much because at the moment I feel like a person again! I take my disgusting pharmacist made and herbal meds and endure 2 hours a week in hospital for the intravenous stuff, and I can drive a car ride a few horses and go stand up paddle with my daughters!

The reason I am not documenting so much of my progress is that I forget that I’ve been ill! I just tend to get on with it. Life that is. And now my husband has been away for 10 days and he is coming back tonight. Life is alright!

Keep smiling 🙂 the summer is almost here. And if you haven’t managed to get your 6pack in order, wear your keg with pride!!!

So I started it, the positive blog brimming of confidence and bright outlook for future… I wrote a few sentences packed with awe in new found energy, filled with actual hope of future as “real person” and not this slow lurking persona I had become.

The tiredness had been shoved to the side and I was starting to enjoy riding again. Playing with my children. Cooking food. Driving self to places…

I had literally just started writing this blog and something caught my attention. I had forgotten to bring something in from the car and decided to go get it! In my “almost back to normal” state I tend to completely forget about how bad I have been, in this instance I forgot that I DO NOT RUN! As I was leaving the house at speed my feet didn’t register the small step I had to clear to make my way out. For any “normal” person this probably would have led to a half stumble, I on the other hand have little or no co-ordination. I flew through the air in a spectacular manor. Doing a half turn pike and landing in style with my head first on to the corner of the stone wall outside our back door. My newly broken and healed left side was second to crash on to the stone stairs, showing that oh yes! the pain actually is back! My elbow looked almost broken again and I was screaming whilst holding my head.

In the end it was only bumps and bruises. Unfortunately the bumps on my head were too big for me to wear a helmet so no horses ridden for a day. But today 3 days after incident, I can ride, walk, drive and energy is a little bit higher than in January.

I had a meeting with a raw food guru to see if this would be a way forward? My Optimum 400 has arrived and I blend and juice anything I can get my hands on!!! Today my green juice contained 1/2 tomato 1 apple 1 cucumber 1 celery and half a bag of rocket salad. It was yummy! But not sure it gave me any energy… As I am now sat back on sofa writing this… But ok there is a time and a place for most things.

Keep smiling 🙂 the wonders of short time memory failure will keep me on my toes!

I am just sat in hospital waiting room and to my horror they are showcasing on the telly the things they can do at this hospital…

If I didn’t already have a constant fear of dentistry and the art of drilling in mouth cavity I now do!

Who ever thought it was a good idea to show images as well as video feed from different people being drilled in mouth, injected in cheek, shone on teeth with bright light to bleach?

In a waiting room. Awaiting an already stressful (possibly for others not me) appointment with a doctor… Oh Spain how will you ever learn? Or is it the rest of the world that has a screwed outlook on life and fears in it?

For example my friend went to the gym spa one day and she and her friend decided to go topless in an all female sauna. Then she was told off. You don’t do that here! In Germany she would have been told off for wearing her pants! The different laws for gym/spa culture is peculiar. As the Spanish ladies in the changing rooms quite happily stroll around butt naked, massaging in creams in places that to me should stay private etc. Shocking! For us Brits/Swedes this strangeness in behavior takes a little time to get used to.

Oh dear now the showcase video has done a 360 and come back to the frail old lady having her teeth drilled. Honestly, I understand that they would show a person in maturer stage of life, but this one? She clearly won’t have more than a few years left in life without the excess drilling! What are they trying to find?

I’m sorry I have to pause here as I have to hide somewhere this video can’t see me!

That was written last Friday: before my second ozone treatment. I had such high hopes about the ozone as it had helped me definitely the week before. This time not so much. Today I am tired to the point of dead-dom. It’s almost to exhausting even to go to the loo (5 meters) and above all this I have to cancel everything in my daily life.

It’s not a life any more when I am like this. It’s like being trapped somewhere where it’s difficult to see and hear as well as being seen and heard. I am in this thick bubble of hopelessness but I am not sinking to self pity levels yet. It’s unfortunate that my brain is so affected. That even meetings that I have had becomes blurred and I cannot for the life of me remember what was said or done. I know I have things to do, people to respond to, bills to pay. I manage some days when brain suddenly switches itself on momentarily!

The worst problem as I see it now are people close to me. I get picky as hell with details of things as I live in constant fear of forgetting and have become a real besserwisser/wise arse for especially those close to me. Now here is another pointless query, why does people names and words simple disappear from me? And place names… Used to love geography as in places and whereabouts of countries… now it’s all gone, or at least great chunks of it!

Keep smiling 🙂 the art of having a bad memory is to embrace it, soon enough you will forget all about it!

It’s freezing but I am still awake! No sleeping during the entire day!

I have travelled to the UK for this week and I knew that it would feel cold and I prepared with thick sustainable clothing… It’s still in my bag at the hotel… I am sat in a freezing cold indoor hall, wearing what I was wearing in Mallorca this morning. I’m cold.

But here is the tricky bit, I am still awake! As in fully awake, and not just a hanging in there awake, I am fully aware of self and surrounding. I am here!

Horses have been jumping fabulous and being placed and everything. Now just one more to jump today in Aintree. Then I can find my clothes and my hotel room and prepare for the day tomorrow. The ozone is still active!

Keep smiling 🙂 if you are in a cold place put on warmer clothes

Hello again!

I have had my first ozone therapy today! Unfortunately my blood pressure was to low they couldn’t remove blood from me to then add the ozone, instead I got new water and ozone mixed and then intravenously injected… I should probably start to feel it soon. But maybe even just still being awake is proof of the ozone working.

Having an addictive personality is never really good for you! Too much of even very good things is not a good thing. My newest addiction is green tea… Or white tea… The problem is the lack of toilets when you are out and about. Don’t drink liters of tea unless you know that you will have access to a loo…

Tomorrow I am traveling over to the cold cold island in the west. England here I come! I was trying out skiing pants to wear for the 3 days I’ll be sat indoors of Aintree to watch my horses jump. Sadly my discreet pants don’t fit any more… The bright pink ones might have to do… Ah well I guess that’s not a first for me, wearing pink, and be proud of it!

Today has been a very busy day and now I’ve even managed to get in to Palma to do some shopping! Maybe it is the ozone working?! At 9.30 this morning I was ready to go back to bed.

Keep Smiling 🙂 today year of the horse! Feel and fill your life for new beginnings!

After a full 2 weeks of this chronic tiredness I thought that I had managed to beat it by a couple of healthy steps!
1. Diet, no sugar, no lactose, no gluten, no oats, no caffeine, no alcohol… A whole lot of no’s… But I have found a new tea that I drink religiously about 2 liters per day!
2. Sleep. I sleep when I get tired. At times 12-16 hours per day doctor has advised no more than 14 hours is ever ok, but if I can’t speak properly I find that it more annoying to try and stay awake.
3. Sport. I do what I can and when I can. Yoga Kundalini is lovely, riding I have managed only twice. Walking is ok but when I get tired there is nothing I can do. Quite scary.

I have started my blood doping so officially should feel better now and possibly I have, but as I want to do everything straight away I tend to overdo things without thinking… A brain, any brain would do. I tend not to use mine any more I have realized.

I have been put on a new anti-epileptic drug. Unfortunately I think my body doesn’t like it and I have developed a rash on my throat… I will give it a few more days and then decide to either continue or stop it.

The Kundalini yoga is my number one thing I would recommend to everyone. I expect it depends a lot on the yogi that gives the classes but I have found my lovely yogi teacher Linda! There is a lot of love and peace in the room when she is around. It’s an overall feel good adventure and so fast working!

This morning I went to the 8 am class! Incredible way to start the day!!!

The other thing I have started this week is Matcha tea. 2 weeks ago I had never heard about it. But since I started my research it’s basically the end of all evil and the creator of all good! I have been drinking it 2 times per day since Friday. I think it has some effect on me, but it’s hard to tell what is energy from what. Well I don’t care where the energy comes from as long as I have some!

The shows have started in Mallorca now. The Spanish/Mallorcan federation have not yet managed to come out with this years schedule, so so far only club shows are running but here it’s equal really. It’s the same standard and as the weather was a lovely 22 degrees and the sun was bright and shining, who am I to complain? Other than I’m not being able to compete yet, if ever again… We will see. Instead of digging myself a grave of sorrow and self-pity I take this disability in a stride and travel over to UK to watch my horses jumping at Aintree next weekend!

James Arthur is still plaguing Mallorcan radio with Impossible- year 2012 Christmas hit…

Keep Smiling 🙂 the year of the horse will be here soon!

Good evening all.

I’m so sorry for complete abandonment of this blog. Have had tired weeks, and low functioning brain as well as non-functioning body.

I was so sure it was diet related. Going a bit sugar crazy over Christmas as all restrictions of any naughty eating kind of went to pots… I basically eat what I felt like and however much I wanted as I had grown tired of being the all over “goodie” girl. As tiredness had kicked in after 4 days in the UK I put it down to lack of horsey involvement as well as surgery treats.

A week ago I realized there was no way I could drive a car. Tiredness number 1 sign for me is still double vision. I just don’t see how double vision ever could be good whilst driving a vehicle. So without the ability to drive as well as the constant tiredness filling my head with lead, I took the grown up decision to not go riding.

Have had endless more appointments at hospital. The MRI came back. The neurologist was not too happy as he saw changes in the brain that indicated a newish stroke. He sent me to a few more heart related appointments. Luckily they all came back clear. Basically even though my brain might not be working correctly my heart is fabulous!

Today I changed tack. I had my first appointment with Dr Mazzuca. He runs a clinic at Juaneda as well. I had been recommended to go and see him some months ago by a friend of mine. But at that time, I was dealing with a total different part of my healing process, so I felt another need to see or in this case not to see anyone else containing Dr in their job description.

Dr Mazzuca was a mind opener. After over an hours consultation he recommended a few tests and ways forward for me. He believed that I had a problem with too high levels of metals in my system. He thought free radicals were eating away on my tired brain cells and had solutions for me. Next week I am starting blood doping! Luckily I am not competing at the moment so there is no reason for me to get dope tested!

My mother came with me to see the doctor. For support and extra brain power. She has a friend who has had a similar treatment. He became quite wild, it seams, when his brain was blood doped. His mental age apparently dropped him back to late teens/early 20’s. So watch this space! Next blog might come from Magaluff!?

Keep Smiling 🙂 focus on what you have that is alright!

Welcome to 2014 a year of new beginnings. Or so I thought.

Spending Christmas in the UK and new year back here in Mallorca. I was out of the saddle for ca 8-9 days and I started losing a bit of feeling on my left side again. At first I chose to ignore it. A little less feeling in my leg and arm are things I can live with. Then it started to get a little worse. My face started to feel numb. It was always better in the mornings and getting worse as I grew more tired in a day.

I went for a normal check up with my orthopedic doctor. It was a routine just for him to see that my knee and elbow had healed the way they should do. After he had seen my walk he slowly gathered some paper in front of him and slowly tucked them into a little pile as he asked me lightly almost “do you mind if I call the on call neurological doctor so he can have a look at you?” There was a calm and a quietness around the question that made me alert.-“Why?” I asked. He then explained that the pattern that I move with in combination with the loss of sensation etc could not be traced back to the September trauma of broken limbs but rather the 2012 trauma of head injury and coma was to blame.

So I was re-aquatinted with Dr Nobbe and booked in for a new MRI scan the following morning. In true Dr fashion he immediately tried to get me to commit to new drugs. I actually declined. I was very polite but equally firm. No drugs unless I know I need them for sure.

So now I have been waiting for 3 days for the MRI results to be ready and tomorrow I will get a verdict. Weather or not they will come forward with any news about any change that might have happened in my brain, I seriously doubt it, but hopefully some insight in this inability to move should be enlightened…

The year of the snake is not over yet. The 31/1/14 is the Chinese New Year and then the year of the Horse shall begin. Don’t laugh about it. I know horses have been involved in both my accidents but I don’t blame them! The year of the Horse shall be a great one!

Keep smiling 🙂 the days are getting longer and the spring is around the corner!

Again, back at Juaneda. But behold, I am not the wounded creature now, no the curse has been swapped momentarily and one of my offspring has been appointed hospitalee for this time. Although as she is only 2 of course I have to stay with her. At the moment in the same bed as her.

Food here is awful. You really have to be ill here to consume anything they bring you on a tray here. Maybe they make the food so bad here to enthuse you into becoming healed/fresh/ healthy… It’s a long shot but maybe that’s what it is.

I have been quite upbeat lately. Almost daring to look forward to things. I have been quite busy. I’m back riding again and almost feeling like a real person. I drive a car. I have still got a couple of daily tasks that I up until briefly enjoyed doing.

But now as the trip planned since July is coming closer, we are supposed to travel tomorrow, of course health hell breaks loose. As it always does when I am involved in any activity I would do just “for fun”. So with flat rented in London, tickets booked for Lion King, Olympia and winter wonderland I should have counted on the curse of 20-13 to follow on in the style it has done, why change?

It was all decision making and stressful time and this blog was not finished.

Christmas has been handled and has gone well. Thousand thanks to my mother that was a god send in our hour of need.

Keep Smiling 🙂 even in a cursed year such as this there are beautiful diamond memories that we will treasure forever.