That’s become the hard part in my life right now, rather than struggling with being, I struggle to keep up with myself.

I pack every day full to the brim with excellent activities! Then at the end of each day I finish in splendid collapse. I’ve managed to do this to perfection! It works, until I fail to have enough energy to get out of bed. Then for a day or two I hibernate, then I return! Still struggling to keep up with myself!

I have so much more energy than before yet I’m still so far behind how an Emelie 2.0 Gold version should be. I’ve downgraded my “software” and at the moment I’m running the Emelie 1.2 Silver-ware… Well if you managed to follow me, congratulations! You have probably had an upgrade!

Summer is here! And don’t we just know it! 30 degrees before 10am. This week we are getting 36 degrees… Better ride early! 3 horses is all I manage at the moment. With the heat, no wind, no clouds and no shade you are probably better off riding at night, but as we have small children it’s trying to jigsaw out the best options for us all! 

Last week I went to see my oncologist! I had a bone dencicy scan and a contrast CT scan. The problem is my veins in my left arm. They’ve had plenty of abuse as I can’t use my right arm due to the removal of the lymph nodes. It took 3 nurses and a good 6 needles to get the vein to work. My arm was blue afterwards. The appointments spread over 2 days so I brought a friend with me as she had never been to London before we did 48hours London special. Including the Duck tour and Guinnea grill in Mayfair! London was at its best behavior, no rain and no strikes! The sun was shining and on the second day of appointments I went to get the results from my oncologist!

I got the all clear. I am at the moment a very healthy specimen of human being! Cancer free and good strong bones! What a relief… I don’t think you realize until you’re in that situation, how much you worry about it all. To celebrate we continued our London special with a walk through Regents park to Camden Town and Camden Market. From there we took the floating alternative of canal ferry to take us back to Maida Vale!

So even if I do struggle to keep up with all I attempt to do, at least I’m here, still trying!

Keep smiling 🙂 the world needs more hugs!

I have had a couple of years battling with this special black out tiredness. It’s like a stealth fighter is cutting off all my oxygen and cut my power flow all instantaneously draining me. It started one day in May when I woke up and had a normal breakfast. It was followed by me driving to the stable in a very normal manor. There, 5 minutes into my drive to work the first “assault” happened. When I was driving I started feeling woozy. My vision became slightly blurred. Luckily I lived very close to the yard and I managed to drive there. When I opened the car door to get out I couldn’t. I just lost my balance and fell on the ground. This was in 2009 and I had 2 small children. I was taken to hospital as I thought it must be a brain hemorrhage. They only found that my blood sugar levels were really low. I was given my second breakfast of the day. The tiredness came and went. I could never foresee when I would get the next attack of unimaginable tiredness. Even speaking was difficult. Walking was impossible. I was half human. As I had such small kids it made it so much harder. 

Over a year passed and none of the specialists that I met and all the tests that I underwent showed us what could be wrong with me. I was an under all other spectras very healthy specimen of human. Non smoking, non drinking (occasionally), highly active in sports on top of the riding that I did every day. After the last neurologist had decided I suffered from a very strange migraine that gave me this tiredness… He would perscribe a medicine that could give me a headache and possibility of a dry mouth. I decided to go back to my GP in a desperate attempt to try and get another solution to my problems.

He introduced me to Fred Wandsworth. Fred was the nutritionist to some international sports teams as well as sport personalities. My GP thought Fred’s way of dealing with problems from a nutritional point of view often had amazing results! For me it also worked! I didn’t get any of the zero level energy days that had become my almost weekly treat. Fred changed the way I eat as well as what I eat. First he took me off gluten and lactose. After a week he then got stricter with me, a whole diet was put together. It worked. 

We moved to Mallorca  August 2010. I never thought it would have been possible as in May 2010 I had been in bed 22 days and was convinced I was dying.

Jump forward 6 years and a TBI and cancer treatment. I started getting the tiredness a little bit again. Not the same attacking kind that took me by surprise early mornings and middle of doing things. This tiredness was more constant and made it definitely impossible to drive or ride. I was recommended to go to a Dr Mazzuka from my friend here in Palma. He looked at your blood and hair to find out what you were lacking in or what was affecting you.

I started treatment with Dr Mazzuka in 2014. I had really high doses of arcenic in my system. I went on a cleansing treatment that lasted almost 9months. I didn’t do anything blood related during my cancer treatment. I was over treated with the chemo and I decided I had no need to go and sit in hospital for more hours than I already did. When the tiredness had again started to affect my life I decided to come back to Dr Mazzuka in the spring 2016. Not surprisingly my blood levels where a bit shot to pieces. It started with ortho treatment in combination with ozone and the tiredness slowly decided to go elsewhere. Because of the cancer he decided to put me on a high dose level of vitamin C. The problem with injecting such high doses intravenously is the time it takes. Today I’m sitting here for 5-6 hours. To bring a good book would have been a really good idea. Also invite someone to sit and break up the boredom. I had half of the film The Reverent to watch. It is not a movie that I can recommend as a hospital movie. I watched the first half during my last visit. Today I finished it. I should get a medal really! What a dark, distant, dreadful movie. Not one to give you hope or strength through long hours in hospital.

Atleast some research shows that the vitamin c that I get has made it a lot harder for any cancer to grow so there is hope! I want to give myself as much chance as I possibly can to get back to being better or in my case maybe to get forward to get better!

http://www.bubok.es/libros/241114/Los-5-equilibrios-de-la-salud

Keep smiling 🙂 blood is red, violets are blue. Vitamins are awesome. This is true!

I’m sorry there has been so long since I’ve updated this page. There are so many things happening in my life at the moment and most of them are brilliant and I really just enjoy being able to do them, others are quite complex and take time. I’m not sure how to fit in everything in my full time life, need a few more hours on the 24hr spectrum. A 36hr day would suit me much better.

When it comes to the horses it’s all going good. I still got a little bit of double vision, but as long as I keep a good canter I can jump! 3 weeks ago I won my first class for 4 years! I was very happy with it even though it was only a 1.1m and until I got a message from Facebook of one of my “memories” from 4 years ago was me winning the Mallorcan championship. This was before my first accident. Before my life changed and I became this new person.

I have changed in so many ways, my closest are the ones that suffers mostly. I have always had quite a short fuse, now it’s non existent. If you annoy me, or if you are rude or bullying any of my family or friends, God be with you! I do not have the break that slows down ones reactions and makes it easier to control an outraged attack. I need just a little to really set me off. Teeth bared, muscles flexed. No I make it sound a bit worse than it actually is. My family have to endure my shorter temper. That I shout, tell them off, demand things to be done, food to be eaten, toys to be picked up and cleared away… With people outside my family and friends, they should all be aware! You do not annoy a TBI sufferer who has lost another year of her life due to cancer. If you choose to attack one of my family members or a close friend or even just what I believe in, be well aware, I have no breaks to calm down my aggression.

Time has such another value to me now. I appreciate that I’m still around, but for the last couple of years the amount of time I’ve been away from my life, my family, wasted in hospitals or sleeping. It can drive me crazy just thinking about what I could have done with the time that I’ve lost. It’s funny how that can get me more down than other things, probably because time lost is something I really can’t do anything about.

Time goes so fast and I’m here waiting, 

Keep smiling 🙂 

Sunday was the first time in about 3 years since I jumped at a show! 

I did a 3 day clinic last weekend with international rider Manuel “Fanfa” Fernandez. The horses all behaved beautiful and my double vision only got problematic every now and then. This was to be sure the hardest of trials, 2 hours of lessons all days, plus I rode the 2 horses that were not in the clinic, either beforehand or afterwards.

The clinic went ever so well. My reins shortened and my eyes opened (except when i have double vision then just close one eye!) Fanfa fell in love with my lovely 7 year old mare Greta who today left the island to join his team in Holland. Greta is called Just Outstanding as her show name for future reference. If she becomes another superstar!

Because of the rain mid week we have had no arenas to work the horses in. I’ve been using the lorry parking that for some reason stays unaffected by all the heavy rain. I have decided half an hour in walk and trot is more or less what each horse can consider as their exercise. Not the best warmup for myself as I need a bit more to get ready properly.

Exciting times indeed. The show was an eye opener in to how I work. As the first horse was clear. I decided to try and win with the second horse. That ended with me on the floor as Lara decided the turn was a bit too short… I finished off with a great round on Dolly even though I had one tiny pole down… That’s horses for you! No bones broken and thanks to my lovely Dutch friend Eva, I have no pain in muscles. She used the power Kinesiology tape. In proper pink I might add! Power to the pink!

It’s such a busy year. And it flies by. At such unbelievable pace. I am so happy that I can jump again.

This coming weekend there is a show at Son Reus! Fingers crossed there is no more rain as arenas are pretty damp at the moment. I will jump the two early classes and then I’m flying to Liverpool! In Preston I will see my horses and on Monday my German friend is flying over to try one of our horses! I try and book as many important things in when I’m in the UK. After my trip up north I’ll go to London to see my oncologist and my eye doctor. Maybe he can sort out some of the double vision again. There possibly are some eye excersises that I can do?

Keep smiling 🙂 there is always room for improvement and so many exciting outcomes!

As I’ve written here before I can feel more and more in control of my own life!

I have been to Germany a second time in two weeks, this time only going without children, instead with clients to look for potential young horses.

It’s been 3 days of intense work. We have travelled over most of north Germany and Holland. It’s been back to the good ole’times before all the rubbish things that has surrounded me for the last 3,5 years.

In all, I realized something the day before yesterday. It’s not something easy to say but I am incredibly proud of myself right now. I keep to my SSS90 plan quite rigorously. It’s hard in Germany -a land that appreciates carbs a bit more than other countries. But this journey I’ve been up to do my HIITraining every morning, even today when it meant getting up at 05:15.

I got to see my beautiful 2 year old stallion! He loose jumped for the second time in his life! Clarissimo is by Clarimo-Diarado and he sure looks like an absolute star for the future! It’s so nice to see that he had impeccable manners on top of being such a talented show jumper! All credit to Imke who is taking such excellent care of him!

Leaving Germany is a bit sad, but I will try and come back as soon as I can!

We have seen so many horses with potential that buying 7 or 8 would not be a problem, it’s narrowing it down to 1 that’s the hard bit. Luxury problem I say.

Keep smiling 🙂 sometimes it’s when you stop and go back a bit, you find yourself, make sense and be nice!

Not very often. But it sometimes happens. 

After everything that happened not only last year but in the three years before that I have updated you here on my “progress” or the lack of it. It’s such a brilliant tool to have so I don’t have to repeat my story over and over again, and sometimes I realize that what I write matters to some of you.

In December I was asked: -What are your initials?

-Eh, it’s ECM, what do you need them for?

-It will soon be revealed….

The question came from my friend Mel that lives in Zambia. Months went by and I forgot about the whole thing then on the 28/2 I finally were sent these pictures and it was all revealed. 

   
Mel then wrote me this message:

Here are pictures of my new bicycle 

I love cycling … Get a bit of head clearance . Had it sprayed pink … Not just because I love pink but for any charity races I’ll do for Breast cancer . I will finish all races … Because regardless how tired I get I just need to look down on my cross bar and See 3 of the most amazing people’s initials on my bike and know I must carry on and not give up. 

There’s a cycle in Mauritius I’d quite like to go on … 310km … To be completed In a few days so it’s not that bad ! Trying to get the forms on line is a pain in the bum!!! 

Hope you are all well ! 

Love to all xxx

That made me sit up and think. I was really touched by this and I was not only speechless I was equally “write-less”, I mean how do you reply to such an incredible thought? If I can help her finishing the races by just being there virtually and spiritually that will be equally awesome! Mel I am a pretty good handler of whips as well so just remember that! I would use said virtual whipping as a positive forward peddling! You shall finish all your races and not only that, you shall enjoy them as well!

Keep smiling 🙂 today I am removing 2 wisdom teeth! Tomorrow I might wake up stupid! Enjoy what you have while it lasts! 

I have gone against the SSS90 and come to Berlin to celebrate my cousin turning 40. Out with any low carb meals for this 4 day trip, I don’t think Germany and low carb ever will go hand in hand!

The first 30 days of the SSS90 plan has gone alright. I don’t think the food has contained enough energy for the amount of high power living I’m addicted to. But I have been promised my next 30 days will be higher in carb or atleast should give me more energy, he who lives shall see…

Berlin in spring is an awesome place to be, the crocuses are in bloom and yesterday we went to the Berlin inner city zoo where we found an Okapi! Beautiful Okapis! I’m now reminded of my wish to start an Okapi sanctuary in Mallorca. It would be the most amazing place to breed Okapis!

Otherwise in world of me, I’ve travelled solo with 3 girls and that went amazingly well! As long as I can have an hour or two every afternoon to relax I am more or less human! I will have to try and remember to ask oncologist about weight. Even though I’ve been on this fairly hardcore training and food plan. I had hoped I would loose more weight, I didn’t, but it might be because of the nasty meds I’m still on… We will see.

Keep smiling 🙂 the Okapis in the world are beautiful 

It’s the end of February. 2016. It’s been a year since my cancer diagnosis and 3 1/2 year since my accident. I do apparently look normal to most people! Or personal favorite “really well”! Does this mean I look a little bit porky? I think so. But maybe not for too much longer.

Two weeks ago I started the SSS90 with The Body Coach in London. Shape, shift and sustain and it’s gonna go on for a whole 90 days. I am on day 17 today. I wanted to get back to the old me. The system is quite cleverly built up containing training as well as diet. I’ll tell you now it’s not for everybody. It takes a lot of planning. But once you are up and running it’s pretty fun! Atleast I love the HIIT training (high intensity interval training) and all the food is great! 

The biggest difference so far unfortunately is lower energy levels. I guess you can’t get it all, and in my case I’ve started to slowly accept that now. For me the daily struggles becomes just that when I run out of energy. It’s hard to do anything when tired. Even speaking is hard. Luckily I’ve now realized I’ve just got to take it easy or even better go to bed for an hour. 

Most of the time people think I just look normal. This would be seen as something positive. The problem is that no one ever sees me struggling. Partly because I won’t let them and partly because I look “normal” mostly. My two biggest horrors at the moment is 

1. Facial blindness. Parents at our kids school get a little of this every time I meet “new parents”. I can’t categorize or see patterns in faces anymore. Unless they have very distinctive features or wear jewellry that I can recognize or if I can hear them speak. That in combination with tiredness can be fun! It doesn’t apply to people I knew before 2012. Strange!

2.Double vision. Still here. But only if I try and jump my horses or if I am tired. I can now just close one eye and I have developed quite a good sense of depth with one eye! This means I can now jump again!

So I guess all in all I should be thankful for not looking like a freak! (Or more of a freak than I naturally am!) I accidentally posted this a bit early and do feel like it sounded a little bit depressed! Couldn’t be further from the truth! I am smashing my HIIT training before breakfast and I can now do an impressive set of burpees!

Keep smiling! 

I’m so sorry I haven’t updated you all for such a long time. Normally this means that I am feeling fine and just not have time to write anything as sitting still for more than a few minutes really does not become me.

January was amazing weather wise with temperature reaching over 20 most every day. The almond trees that normally bloom at the end of February/beginning of March already started blooming in the middle of January! I do feel a little worried over the water situation, Dan passed the mountain lakes on one of his bike rides yesterday and he reported back of the draught, small islands were spotted in the middle of the lake where there haven’t been islands before.

In January I had another appointment with my oncologist. Everything looked good! And apart from my manky nails and strange weight gain, I have nothing to complain about… Well I also get very tired sometimes, but then again so does 70% of all adults I know… I decided to do something about it.

I contacted “The body coach” in the UK. He is a personal trainer turned health guru that will sort out lots of body issues/ food issues with people ready to challenge themselves. I have now started my first week of 90SSS(shape, shift, sustain). It’s 90 days training and food management. For me it’s excellent and all I need to do is buy ingredients and cook my meals ahead! Tonight Dan and I had a chicken and cashew curry with coriander and ginger! Dan had it with rice and I had it with spinach. It was delicious! We will see if it will shift my “chemoweight”, I will atleast give it 90 days, we will see…

Training wise, other than riding my 4 beautiful horses every day I do a HIIT (high intensity interval training) 5-6 days /week and as both me and Dan are members at Palma tennis, we go there for cross fit or pilates classes. Well even though I on a scale am between 10-18kg overweight at least I’m a fit fatto! Not many people can keep up with me, hence I have to sometimes stop myself and sit down, if only to write this blog or catch up on news.

Last weekend me and a few friends flew to Tel Aviv to celebrate one of my best friends Lisen turning 40! Other than a few hen nights/trips I have never before travelled on a girls trip! The extra special was that one of our friends live and work in Tel Aviv and when it comes to art, she knows everything one needs to know! Sandra had put together a weekend program for us and it was incredible!!! From start to finish filled up with Israeli treasures such as the modern dance company to the private guided tours of artists studios! The food was also incredible! As I knew I was going to start my 90SSS this week so I enjoyed all the food and beverages that were on offer!

Tel Aviv has now firmly casted an imprint on my heart and I feel this is somewhere I would love to return! With my family next time!

Keep smiling 🙂 many more glorious days to be had in this new Chinese year of the gold monkey! 

I have started this blog, over 40 times, then I got to a place, about 4-10 lines down where I either got up to do something, or my trail of thought wilted… That’s how it often ends up, I start off something only to be stopped in the middle of it, a sentances for example, and then I have no idea what I was talking about or what I was about to do. It’s frustrating but the blessing of it is that I totally forget about it being annoying as well.

All in all January is going by slowly but surely! We are packing as much in as possible! Now we have 6 days in the UK for a combined pleasure and hospital trip. We started off last Thursday, flew into Stansted and drove to Southwold on the east coast of England. We were there to celebrate my mother in laws 70’s birthday! It was a very ambitious plan of bringing some 20 odd people together. And to do it in Southwold, a really charming village off the Suffolk coast. 

We enjoyed a lot of eating and drinking. The morning swims in the north sea were mostly fantasized about, but we did a lot of beach strolling, running and an 8 km walk to a “nearby” pub. The Adnams brewery that is located in the middle of the village has a couple of splendid pubs to showcase both their brewing skills of the ale and bitter variety, as well as their fish and chips! I’m quite the critic when it comes to such important issues as fish and chips. It was defenitly the best fish and chips I’ve had since moving abroad 6 years ago! It might even have been the best fish and chips I’ve ever had. I would go back solely for the cod! Even though Southwold had so much to offer. It was a weekend full of fun and activities found at the “under the pier” show! I was nominated the true champion of the zimmerframe challenge! A game where you have to pass 2 very busy roads on a zimmerframe! Oh how we laughed! Dan accidentally crashed into a car and the ambulance arrived with oxygen and cones to restrict the road. Let me see if I can find a photo from the game! Pure awesomeness and another point to go back some time!

There was a great dinner at the Swan hotel where a “male stripper strip-o-gram” dressed as Olof (the snowman from Frozen the movie) turned out to be Dan.

Now we have gone to London, and in trying to get as much as possible in our journey, yesterday’s day looked like this:

8am rental car back to Hertz

9am spinning at Psycle

12-5 meetings, lunch and shopping

5pm cinema, watched the Mockingjay part 2. So awesome!

8pm walked passed Eddie Izzards live on stage comedy show held at the Palace in Soho. We went to the box office and by chance got 2 tickets for the show! Pure brilliance for a good 3 hours!!! I have sore sides today, from laughing so much, I think rather than the spinning!

Today has been as busy. We started a bit earlier due to doctor appointments so spinning started at 7:30am, then followed by scans and appointments with oncologist and Herceptin injection. Now I’ve come back to Max at Micheal Johns hair dresser in Mayfair! He was the hair dresser that so kindly cut my hair to its first really short hair do, to prepare me for my spell of baldom. It’s been quite emotional as Max still kept the thank you card I gave him last year.

Now he has been given free reins to create! He is an excellent hair dresser so I’m looking forward to the result!

Tonight we will go and see the Irish band The Corrs at the Birmingham NEC. They have had a break for a few years and tonight it’s their premiere concert for their UK tour.

Tomorrow we are flying back home, can’t wait to see my little girls! I hope they will still recognize me even though I’ve had the new hairdo!

Keep smiling 🙂 find the positive in everything!