I’m so sorry I haven’t updated you all for such a long time. Normally this means that I am feeling fine and just not have time to write anything as sitting still for more than a few minutes really does not become me.

January was amazing weather wise with temperature reaching over 20 most every day. The almond trees that normally bloom at the end of February/beginning of March already started blooming in the middle of January! I do feel a little worried over the water situation, Dan passed the mountain lakes on one of his bike rides yesterday and he reported back of the draught, small islands were spotted in the middle of the lake where there haven’t been islands before.

In January I had another appointment with my oncologist. Everything looked good! And apart from my manky nails and strange weight gain, I have nothing to complain about… Well I also get very tired sometimes, but then again so does 70% of all adults I know… I decided to do something about it.

I contacted “The body coach” in the UK. He is a personal trainer turned health guru that will sort out lots of body issues/ food issues with people ready to challenge themselves. I have now started my first week of 90SSS(shape, shift, sustain). It’s 90 days training and food management. For me it’s excellent and all I need to do is buy ingredients and cook my meals ahead! Tonight Dan and I had a chicken and cashew curry with coriander and ginger! Dan had it with rice and I had it with spinach. It was delicious! We will see if it will shift my “chemoweight”, I will atleast give it 90 days, we will see…

Training wise, other than riding my 4 beautiful horses every day I do a HIIT (high intensity interval training) 5-6 days /week and as both me and Dan are members at Palma tennis, we go there for cross fit or pilates classes. Well even though I on a scale am between 10-18kg overweight at least I’m a fit fatto! Not many people can keep up with me, hence I have to sometimes stop myself and sit down, if only to write this blog or catch up on news.

Last weekend me and a few friends flew to Tel Aviv to celebrate one of my best friends Lisen turning 40! Other than a few hen nights/trips I have never before travelled on a girls trip! The extra special was that one of our friends live and work in Tel Aviv and when it comes to art, she knows everything one needs to know! Sandra had put together a weekend program for us and it was incredible!!! From start to finish filled up with Israeli treasures such as the modern dance company to the private guided tours of artists studios! The food was also incredible! As I knew I was going to start my 90SSS this week so I enjoyed all the food and beverages that were on offer!

Tel Aviv has now firmly casted an imprint on my heart and I feel this is somewhere I would love to return! With my family next time!

Keep smiling 🙂 many more glorious days to be had in this new Chinese year of the gold monkey! 

I have started this blog, over 40 times, then I got to a place, about 4-10 lines down where I either got up to do something, or my trail of thought wilted… That’s how it often ends up, I start off something only to be stopped in the middle of it, a sentances for example, and then I have no idea what I was talking about or what I was about to do. It’s frustrating but the blessing of it is that I totally forget about it being annoying as well.

All in all January is going by slowly but surely! We are packing as much in as possible! Now we have 6 days in the UK for a combined pleasure and hospital trip. We started off last Thursday, flew into Stansted and drove to Southwold on the east coast of England. We were there to celebrate my mother in laws 70’s birthday! It was a very ambitious plan of bringing some 20 odd people together. And to do it in Southwold, a really charming village off the Suffolk coast. 

We enjoyed a lot of eating and drinking. The morning swims in the north sea were mostly fantasized about, but we did a lot of beach strolling, running and an 8 km walk to a “nearby” pub. The Adnams brewery that is located in the middle of the village has a couple of splendid pubs to showcase both their brewing skills of the ale and bitter variety, as well as their fish and chips! I’m quite the critic when it comes to such important issues as fish and chips. It was defenitly the best fish and chips I’ve had since moving abroad 6 years ago! It might even have been the best fish and chips I’ve ever had. I would go back solely for the cod! Even though Southwold had so much to offer. It was a weekend full of fun and activities found at the “under the pier” show! I was nominated the true champion of the zimmerframe challenge! A game where you have to pass 2 very busy roads on a zimmerframe! Oh how we laughed! Dan accidentally crashed into a car and the ambulance arrived with oxygen and cones to restrict the road. Let me see if I can find a photo from the game! Pure awesomeness and another point to go back some time!

There was a great dinner at the Swan hotel where a “male stripper strip-o-gram” dressed as Olof (the snowman from Frozen the movie) turned out to be Dan.

Now we have gone to London, and in trying to get as much as possible in our journey, yesterday’s day looked like this:

8am rental car back to Hertz

9am spinning at Psycle

12-5 meetings, lunch and shopping

5pm cinema, watched the Mockingjay part 2. So awesome!

8pm walked passed Eddie Izzards live on stage comedy show held at the Palace in Soho. We went to the box office and by chance got 2 tickets for the show! Pure brilliance for a good 3 hours!!! I have sore sides today, from laughing so much, I think rather than the spinning!

Today has been as busy. We started a bit earlier due to doctor appointments so spinning started at 7:30am, then followed by scans and appointments with oncologist and Herceptin injection. Now I’ve come back to Max at Micheal Johns hair dresser in Mayfair! He was the hair dresser that so kindly cut my hair to its first really short hair do, to prepare me for my spell of baldom. It’s been quite emotional as Max still kept the thank you card I gave him last year.

Now he has been given free reins to create! He is an excellent hair dresser so I’m looking forward to the result!

Tonight we will go and see the Irish band The Corrs at the Birmingham NEC. They have had a break for a few years and tonight it’s their premiere concert for their UK tour.

Tomorrow we are flying back home, can’t wait to see my little girls! I hope they will still recognize me even though I’ve had the new hairdo!

Keep smiling 🙂 find the positive in everything! 

For many this is the time of the year! Festivities, family gatherings, food, spirituality! You can go as far as you’d like getting into the Christmas flow, I get tired just thinking about it all!

The tiredness is unfortunately the number one thing that makes me feel not 100%. I had my Herceptin injunction last week on Wednesday and it in combination with my insomnia has really set the standard for space faced living… Sounds like fun? Basically imagine this: you feel ok enough to do something simple. But in a heartbeat all your energy is drained from you, making it hard even to stand up. Driving is out of the question, riding also… But it does get better. After 5 days now and I was back to being more or less me, after 7 days back on high speed full on living.

Even though I have the beautiful capability of waking up close to 2am every morning and often can’t manage to fall back to sleep, I still manage to be more or less fine all day! I’ve been by my lonesome since Monday and I’ve managed really well coping with the challenge of 3 children’s separate play and sports schedules even though I mostly only get 3-5 hours of sleep/night.

My week in so far:

Monday: Busy day at stable and school. Sleep 22-1:45 and 3-5:45

Tuesday: Girls play tennis. Sleep 22:30-2:04 

Wednesday: Christmas party at stable! Girls parties after school, 3 separate venues… Sleep 23-3:15 

Thursday: Busy day, dentist, accountant year end duties.. Sleep 22:30-1:30 and 3-5.03 then I heard the biggest bang from the house that could either be a burglary going slightly wrong or my children. Was joined in bed by burglar number 1 around 5:43 and number 2 at 6:07. Number 3 stayed in bed until 6:15 so when my alarm  that was set to wake us up we were already downstairs having breakfast.

Insomnia can be a bit of a drag sometimes, but if you can read you can get lots of things read

Keep smiling 🙂 Never curse the fact you are waking up early, remember you are STILL waking up! 

Please someone inform this body of mine at the tender hours say from midnight until six one should sleep. This is the core for any recuperation especially for someone recovering from various ailments.

The wolf hours are so mean. In a normal hour when you think about anything, there  is reason and you can easily weigh up and compare different solutions for projects. In the wee hours of wolf there is just black and white. Doubt and distress. I’m naturally such a positive spirit and I have never really been “awake-er ” at this time in morning until now, but after a few weeks of natural 2:30am awakeness even I have begun to wonder.

In the hours of wolf, your mind plays trickery on you. Wilting away my natural resources of mind over matter. It’s strange, especially as lying here now I know for a fact that none of the things that bother me now will not bother me tomorrow morning. 

Actually I’m doing really great normally from normal morning until about 6:30pm then I feel these awaking hours. I go to bed roughly at the same time as the girls so atleast it gives me a 3-4 hours solid sleep before wolf… I think that’s how I’m still able to do so much. 

I have been known to have a strong will and sometimes a “temper” but I’m not especially proud of my swearing in front of kids and have donated €15 to the swear-pot. We have decided to do something fun with the money of said swear pot so it looks like it will be something really fun if this no sleeping palaver continuous…

It should be 10 cents per swear word so we are talking easily €1000 by the end of next week…

Keep smiling 🙂 at least writing about it makes you worry less about other things! Although the worries about lost words continues… I’m sure I am losing not only Swedish but also English words, Alzheimer’s light…

My lovely 4 legged friends. The ones I have been told not to get back on before 29/11 I managed to stay off them until 30/11! But I’ve been back riding since Monday and other than a very sore bottom and other muscles in my body that are somewhat surprised by the sudden onslaught of high intensity excersise, I feel whole again!

I am surrounded by people worrying about me overdoing it again and I am just making sure I do everything as right as I can. Monday and Tuesday I rode 3 horses and today I rode 4. Dan asked me -Do you think the doctors meant that when they told you that you could start riding again you should get on as many as you could as soon as possible? My answer was just a look I think…

I feel fine. Other than I actually don’t have much feeling over Bella and my belly. I feel fine enough to make lazy vacation mode horses realize their mum is back and it’s time for action! I think the poor horses have had a few wake up days! Looking forward to see what else we can do tomorrow!

On top of the riding I have become a member of a gym! It’s great to do other excersise as well, and hopefully I’ll be fit very soon! Even though I’m in bed most nights before or around 9pm, I still tend to wake up around 2:30 am. The last two nights I haven’t been able to go back to sleep. This morning was the worst. A nightmare turned into actual doubting. Then not far off that was the opening of distant possibilities of more negativity. Those thoughts should be banned. Especially at that time of night…

Although somehow through it all I always manage to stay grounded, my feet firmly on floor. Luckily I was born with slightly flat duck like feet, so they are good to balance on!

Keep smiling 🙂 tomorrow comes quicker than you think! 

It’s odd, as I drive myself and clients around the north of England looking at horses and planning flights to get to Stockholm, I have to stop myself for a while, this is me, again! I’m alive! 

For some of you it might seam like a stupid thing to do. To push myself so early after an major operation, not to give myself a safetynet to fall into, if I was to fall. But I guess this is how I’m designed. If I can push, I keep pushing.

I know I’ve only “been back” for a couple of weeks, if that, but I feel as strong and energized as I was before all this years hardships. So for me a combined trip to look for new horses for clients as well as myself in combination with flying to Stockholm to watch my 7 year old jump at Sweden International Horse Show, it seamed like the most ingenious idea! Especially as there were direct flights from Manchester to Stockholm as well as direct flight from Stockholm to Palma! Faith had this trip inscripted in the skies!

We found the perfect jumping partner for my client and we proved it today by allowing him to jump at a real show! Clear round and fabulous awesomeness all round. As I was early arriving at the airport to fly to Sweden, I sat down to try and download my emails and get more or less updated on things from my real world. It was so lovely to meet John Whittaker who also is flying out to the SIHS in Friends arena starting tomorrow.

Respect! He is an inspiration for everyone! As he has turned 60 years this year he has almost had as good a year resultwise as he has ever had. He is jumping 2 horses at the show and it will be amazing to see him! He has become a grand father since I saw him last and I got an update on his three children who I don’t really ever meet now that I live in Spain. 

My trip also involves spending time with some of my amazing cousins! They are my closests friends. It can sometimes feel a bit far away to live in Mallorca especially when you feel the need to hug them! 

As the plane now flies over Surahammar (Sour-hammer) my thoughts go to another friend I haven’t seen for a while as she has been traveling the world working on a yacht. She should be back in Mallorca now and if she by any chance reads this please come and see me when I am back!

On the not so good page of surviving this cancer palaver are my nails. They are beyond disgusting on my toes and beyond brittleness on my fingers. I really need to take something to improve the sorry state of them… Any advises are appreciated!

Keep smiling 🙂 when you are lucky enough to travel, for work or pleasure, you are lucky enough!  

I am surrounded by extraordinary people. A friend of mine Villi had offered to cook dinner for me as a celebration of finishing all my treatments. Dan had recommended that instead of dinner we should do a picknick after a wonderous walk in Mallorca with some friends. So the survival hike was arranged!

We all got picked up from Palma and driven up to Deia to start our hike along the GR221, which is the trail that goes all the way from Andrax to Pollenca. We were only going to trail the approximate 10 km from Deia to Port de Soller.

It was a wonderful day with the bluest sky possible! In the end we were 5 girls walking. Along the trail we met some people that actually lived there! I’m not sure how they got their stuff there unless they used a donkey but were we got invited for an orange juice was pretty special! 

We managed to get to the beach of Port de Soller were Dan had set up a five star picknick in front of Esplendido hotel! The food and company was excellent! Thank you thank you thank you! For being part of my life especially during the last three of years when the “hike” of life hasn’t been so easy. The Survival hike will now defenitly become a once bi-monthal happening! Next hike will be in January! 

Keep smiling 🙂 apparently you only need two muscles to smile! You need a lot more to walk as my body is evidence of right now!   

It’s true, detox gives me green superpower for energy and stamina! I am not sure other detoxers do as much as me whilst on the detox but as I’m a little special, I have the special superpower given to me by the awesome green juices from Ziva.

This is day 7 of an all green juice detox. I’m not allowed for medical reasons to do it any longer. It’s not recommended anyway. So what I have been up to during this detox is plenty. I’ve done yoga, HIIT (high intensity interval training), vibration plate and hiking. Yesterday we went for a hike outside puigpunyent and we nearly got to the coast! A hilly adventure and we walked for over 7 kilometers! My partners to the hike were Dan and our dog Jack. Not sure who enjoyed it the most. It was awesome!

The glow on my face is obvious to lots of people. Today a record of 9 people commented on how healthy I look! That’s not bad for a cancer sufferer/TBI victim! We hope we have chased away the cancer and the toxins killing the cancer from my body. I can recommend the detox to anyone that wants to clear their system. This time I lost 3kg in one week.

Keep smiling 🙂 if there is a road, walk it! 

I’m back home! There is nothing like it in so many ways! The closeness to all of my family as well as the things I know and use and my little sofa buddy Jack!

The only downfall would be that I’m not very good at sleeping any more. This is the third night on the trot where I wake up for no reason and cannot go back to sleep. I got an extra hour tonight which makes me positive that I might get an extra hour tomorrow Etc… I’m a fool. Unfortunately I think that I won’t sleep before I tackle some real life problems, such as paperwork that was supposed to be in by beginning of October. I wonder how I can be so awake at such a rubbish hour, even more I wonder how I have become such a useless individual when it comes to the basic things in life.

Halloween has been and gone. I must admit this year I had below average energy to put into getting dressed up and go to the schools yearly party. Partly because I can’t remember who anyone is on a normal day, add a bit of fancy dress and I have no chance. We went. Dan was dressed as Mr Marshmallows from the Ghostbusters film. I was dressed as a nun. I should have been a vampire nun but as the fake blood tasted like rotten feet I decided to cop out and just be a nun. The girls got dressed up as pumpkins, vampires and an angel that liked blood… Let’s hope next year will be as good as this year! It was a lovely gathering and it really was an event for the kids, not like the years before that I thought was more aimed at the older crowd.

I have been back at the stable twice. I can ride in 25 days…(not that I’m counting) all the horses look good and hopefully they should behave in the weeks that come. 

I’ve become a little bit of a complainer. About life and little things. I nag. It’s not nice. I know that I’ve been though a lot of things, but I should hold my head high, chin up. I don’t think complaining about silly things such as lack of sleep will get me anywhere, well it probably won’t get me anywhere, but atleast readers of this blog can understand why I am a little bit cranky… Sorry! 

I feel that I’ve lost my skill of writing. I used to have it but it’s like my short term memory is almost gone, it took away my skill of assembling sentances. It’s a nick you either have or not. Sadly I seem to have lost it… Dan thinks it could be because of the post radiation and mid flu tiredness… I don’t know but I excuse my bad language until I get energized again!

Keep smiling 🙂 even when you have lost your way a little you will end up seeing new things! 

I’m sure survivors should be tougher than this. I was in a coma for nearly a month, then paralyzed on my left hand side. I had to learn how to walk and talk again. I then broke half of my body. This is before operating on my eye to get rid of my double vision only to be followed by breast cancer. Oh the joys of the last 3 years!

The problem is this. My immune system has been shot since the first accident. If I get a cold or a flu or any disease my body gets fully involved. My natural defense has been so out of order that I end up in hospital every time I get a cold… We have been very vigilant and lucky this year not to catch a single flu/cold as the chemo would have been totally upset by this. As the radiotherapy has been going on I’ve stayed illness free… Until my family arrived from Mallorca. 

What was supposed to be a lovely trip to London to meet up with me and go and see wondrous things, ended up with first Millie and then Mel and Myrna getting ill, closely followed by me. I’ve got my emergency antibiotic but I really don’t want to use them if I can avoid it. As it felt more like a virus rather than bacterial to start off with, the antibiotics wouldn’t have helped.

Mel was too ill to fly back on Monday, and as I also had the same symptoms I thought it would be ok to have her with me. The sad thing is I’m now on day 4 of fever. Even though I manage to get rid of the fever with lemsip it always comes back! Last night was the killer. 38.6 degrees fever and a sore thought that felt like someone was torturing me by cutting sharply every time I coughed.

Now my mucus cough is turning a yellow color… I think this means that I can take the antibiotics. But as everything was so awful at 3am I called the out of office duty nurses at the LOC. They wanted me to come into hospital straight away. I said I couldn’t as I had little Mel here, but they have arranged for a doctor to see me today. They called Dr Jones around 4am, which I’m sure she is used to, and it’s probably part of her job, I still feel awful about it.

My mum is here in London now. She arrived Monday night so for me it’s excellent! She can look after Mel today. I’m not sure if they will keep me in. But paracetamol doesn’t seam to shift this fever… 

Keep smiling 🙂 what else could you do? Crying only makes you waste very important water!