I have now started on my treatment
I’m in London. Harley Street has the best of european medical people so I am in good hands. This week is mostly about more tests and trials to get to know what I’m up against.
The sad thing is that even though I know all the tests are for my benefit, after 5 hours of probing and testing I am tired to a point of disbelief. I think it’s always better to know what you are up against. If you are supposed to face 15 injections I’d rather think I’m about to face 16 injections just to have that little bonus of finishing one early! I think everybody faces pain and problems differently. My way of the “head on approach”, is probably a little unusual for “normal” patients, but for me it’s crucial!
For me the day was almost over after contrast MRI’s of both brain and chest. A “small” meeting with the surgeon had been booked on to the end of my day. I thought it was only going to discuss Saturday’s operation so I went there tired, calm, collected. I had already had all my days worth of nasty needles and pushing parts of my body down narrow pathways for probing and scanning.
The 5pm appointment finished in a “fitting” of 3 “markers” in suspected “areas”. 6 more biopcies. I have not yet gone in to what a biopcy involves. Think knitting needle size needle and hammer. Think noise. Think apparatus looking like things from a German torture chamber. Sophisticated, strong, but clearly from the 1940’s. There is little pain involved thanks to anasthetics. The pain is actually more involving the anasthetic being put in.
Anyway now I’ve been through this impressive act of tissue taking from underarm and chest. And my thoughts are with all the men with suspected cancer in their neither regions… Or with the doctors collecting said tissue samples… I guess the same probing and hammering of knitting needles would be done in a mans private area… Ouch!
To be honest with you I thought I knew what being a patient involved. I’d like to see myself as a “client”. Clearly involved in whatever process will be thrown at me. Adult like response and choice of said treatments. Here I’m like a 5 year old child again. It’s possibly because of the enormity of this new problem. Possibly that I couldn’t imagine being an animal for testing… Maybe I’ve just gone around this the wrong way. The TBI that was thrown upon me kind of sneaked up on me, clearly not on my family but as I was in a coma I wasn’t aware of what was happening to me. Now I’m part of the “action plan of attack” and maybe I just need a little time to adapt. I’m sure I’ll be a great patient/client given time…
Keep smiling 🙂 it might be 4 o’clock in the morning but you feel inspired and creative enough to get up and get going!