Shakesparian dilemma. Which at 3am in an August morning of 2015 shouldn’t really matter. But it does. It’s become harder and harder the chemo. Yesterday I was like a shiver of my former self. Not only was I totally whacked, I also couldn’t recognize who I was or why. It goes in waves, I’m sure. The sad thing is that this wave is a lonely one.
Bless Jack, he has really stepped up this last week. He even makes sure that he comes up and sees me mid morning break down time. It’s funny how family dynamics shift, even in such a definite change as the death of Smilla. Before I have not once seen Jack during any of my chemo ridden nightmare mornings, yet this cycle he listens out for me and makes his way up as soon as I’m awake. He also won’t really leave my side ever, even for smaller more fun duties, he stays put.
I’m now sure why they don’t do more than 8 cycles of this hard core chemo. I really don’t think it would be survivable. I have pretty high hopes and beliefs that I’m a kind of… let’s not say “hardcore” but say “tough cookie”. This last chemo session has left me in a void. It could be the combination of the chemo, the hot weather, the lack of outside interaction. There is a definitive lack of friends or family in August here in Mallorca. That in combination with this hot weather really makes for lonely looney ville.
As Jack has made it up to the sofa now he assures me I will never be alone. I’ve got to stay thankful. I’m still alive and fighting. I’m just wondering why me?
Keep smiling 🙂 when a four legged friend is rooting for you, the world stays at your feet.