Tired to a new level

I’ve had some awesome days! My cousins from Sweden arrived over last weekend and they went back today. We have been very busy, whenever I feel I can do anything. The problem I have is I fall asleep. All the time. Everywhere. I might have to tell my oncologist about this new sleepy me. I feel it’s even hard to sit down at a table to eat. Socializing is beyond me. Especially with more than one person at the time. Other than me not being a very good host, it has been such a pleasure having my fab cousins here! 

We have been out every morning for runs (Caroline) and bike ride (me and Ebba) as a pre-breakfast exercise! This has been followed by horse riding and all finished by 10.30am! Well that’s us finishing the riding and exercise, although I was already finished a little bit before that… The tired new me wakes up tired. Not everywhere. My brain has wake-up moments, normally around 2am-4am. Now I just plodder downstairs for a bit of research. This involves internet searches, TV scrolling or listening to a downloaded book. Alright I still have not mastered the listening to books but I have downloaded one!

After the yoga insident I have not mastered courage to go back to yoga. I was on my way today. But after dropping my cousins at the airport I decided to go home and sleep again. I never feel energized anymore. Even after eating well, sleeping enough, exercising… Let’s hope this newfound dead-ness will pass as soon we have summer here…

It’s a new deal planning my summer and the summer of my family after a medical schedule. I know after the chemo I can’t drive a car for 10-11 days. My tolerance to anyone in first 7 days is very low. My tolerance to people outside my family is next to non-existing! Other joyful glamorous traits of the chemo is my dry skin! I look like a lizard! It’s apparently “natural” during chemo. So this years summer is planned around number 5, 6, 7 and 8. That’s the numbers of my final 4 chemos and planning around the dates they fall under.

For example number 5 chemo happens on 2/6. As it’s a big one with further tests etc, I have to go there on 31/5. I then come back home on the 3/6. I will have 1-3 days of ok-ness. Then a further 7-10 days of full on comatose tiredness that possibly will intensify as the doctors have said they probably will. That leaves me with dates ~12/6-21/6 that I should feel ok enough to at least sit at a table and maybe converse with someone. So that’s almost 10 days if we are lucky. Then 22/6 I go back for chemo number 6 on 23/6, and so on.

Basically every 21 days I will travel for at least 3 days. That gives me 18 days of which I will be too tired to do anything for about 10 days… That leaves me with 8 beautiful days that I will treasure! And as my temperament really has not yet peaked to mellow loveliness, and as my planning goes into this overdrive of finding dates to do things (it’s all mathematical at the moment as I’m just doing number crunching as we won’t know how I actually will feel on said dates). This could leave you depressed as it promises me of only 24 days of summer… Luckily we live in a hot country as we are not as dependant on good summers…

Keep smiling 🙂 I’m back on a bike and back on a horse! Soon I believe I will actually be back being me!

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