Most people have a day of rest and recovery after a general anesthetic. I’m not most people. Instead I took a train up to Middle East England to look at some young new talent. Young new talent having four legs and an ability to jump huge courses! Horses of course! I didn’t ride, luckily I had my lovely rider/extra sister/family member Julie driving all the way down from Blackpool to the East Midlands of rainy grayness.
Today I feel a little bit stiff. My skin tone is still a hint of greyish blue, but in the hole while I’m almost ok. I have a strict exercise regime I have to do 3-4 times/day. A 2 hour train journey might not have been everyone’s top tip for recovery but it’s been a-ok!
We have seen some lovely horses and also helping some a little bit sore and just touching the bodies of the hairy beasts has given me so much energy. It’s not just being around animals, but horses in particular gives me such strength. I almost started re-alining a horses neck and wither but I actually managed to stop myself as I’m not allowed to lift anything heavy for another 2 weeks. But grownup point for me for remembering!
Tomorrow I am looking forward to a meeting with my main doctor, doctor Jones! We will go through all the ins and outs of my coming treatments and book a plan for the day I will have as my “chemo day”. I have to go through my calendar tonight to see when works the best for tired days and days not to travel etc. As you might have gathered I am not very good at doing not a lot. I suck at taking it “easy” and even though I with this new tiredness won’t be able to not take it “easy” I find the mental block of slowing down is going to be my biggest hinder. I’ve tried visualizing myself sitting down, in the shade somewhere, wind gently blowing, maybe a small pet rolled up to me breathing comfortly, gently moving very little, gazing up through the trees… And then I hear an inwards whistle! It’s blowing so hard and loud me and my pretend pet friend wake up and stand up! We shake and feel forced to run to move to get out of there!!! All this is clearly just in my head. After all it’s just a visualization game… But I am just not very good at it.
The tiredness I have in my life even after the TBI (traumatic brain injury) I have after I’ve been doing physical activities. It’s very hard to understand how to relax and take it easy if you haven’t done anything. Well this is me worrying over things that I have no decision making prowess over. What will happen after and with chemo will happen and I will deal with it when it comes.
Keep smiling 🙂 if you happen to sit next to a miserable Swedish person on the train that won’t allow you to talk, just write a blog and make him wonder why you smile at him whilst writing!