It started again the day before yesterday. My good week! It’s both a blessing and a torment simultaneously.
The extra energy, the ability to not only think and act but to drive and do easy normal things in the house. It’s the kind of wake up call you get after the previous weeks comatose state. So I say hourray!!! Until of course I realize on Sunday I am off again. Off to poison all my nasty cancer cells as well as those poor naturally quickly splitting cells that unfortunately suffers slow death during the chemo treatment.
I’ve gone all out the last couple of days trying to find out more about my “type” of cancer. Only to find not 1 other person on the help groups of cancer sufferers that are in said forums that have the same type of cancer I have… It’s too strange. I also have not heard back from the doctor that I’m under to see what her reaction to it is. In all this I’ve found that Macmillan is an excellent forum for cancer sufferers. They have great support groups for all types of cancer and I’ve had some not totally discouraging answers to some of my posts! Example: I’m turning into a fatty. Answer: So are we! (9/10 chemo fatties out there, 1 chemo slimmer but hey ho…) example 2: I feel angry and aggressive after chemo. Answer2: it’s possible it’s the combo of steroids/anti sickness/chemo and all the other drugs that constapates you with anger!
So I’m not alone! Both digitally as well as physically I have a wonderful network of friends and family that despite my outbursts of pure evilness still stick around me for more! I find that watching series on tv helps me when I’m tired. When I feel more energetic I don’t feel like I can concentrate on watching tv. I know Dan is worried that I spend too much time in front of television, but I don’t think he should worry too much as the alternative of going to bed, to me seems to much like dying. Not part taking of anything. Atleast if I’m down here in front of TV I take part of some kind of life. Pretended mostly (unless it’s the news in which case it depresses me some what).
I’ve started listening to podcasts! It’s a great way to bore me to sleep! So if I wake up in the middle of the night I find a podcast of a variety I have subscribed to, last night I was bored senseless of short stories read by Alec Baldwin, little did I know the boring short story in conjunction with the voice of Alec Baldwin could send me so rapidly back into sleep! Awesome!
Tomorrow the sun is going to shine and I’m going up a mountain!
Keep smiling 🙂 when the mountains in your life feel to challenging to mount, you can always turn around! New views gives you new perspective!