Little by little

Back at home after 4 th chemo. This time it really has been no pick nick. Total tiredness 23 1/2 hrs every day. Close to comatose, but today I hope it’s turning. Day 5 after chemo. A little turning point.

I have not been able to do much or indeed anything since I got home. The problem is my heart rate that goes into overdrive once I do anything. Even just getting downstairs to get on the sofa is a bit of a workout for me at the moment. The soreness of my bones and joints also takes a big part of my day. It’s apparently because of the injections I take to improve my white blood cell count. Well even though it involves some suffering I guess it’s all for my well being in the end.

I’ve now done 1/2 my chemos, and I’m starting a new type of poison next time I go to the UK. You always get given the “paper work” analyzing possible side effects from the drugs you will have. After being told that I now have finished “the harder” part of my chemo, I was given the paperwork of the next chemo. Read it. Basically it contains all the previous “side effects” with 2 added ones for fun! Vision: might get impaired, foggy or you might lose it temporarily. Do not drive or use machinery if this happens! Bone soreness: this chemo will apparently give me aches without the injections. So that’s what I have to look forward to! Oh and one more! After the EC chemos weight gains I might lose all appetite! So that might be a sun on an otherwise cloudy medicine sky… Bringing me some glamorous thinness… Just don’t think it’s gonna happen. A “healthy” 3.8kg has been added to by body mass. 

The saddest thing is really my brains inability to focus. It makes me really hard to be around as I have no patience. For anyone or anything. I know that I’m not a pleasant person at this moment in time anyway, but the rage my closest family have to live through, it’s not easy on anyone. Apparently everyone in our family have gifts. We are all good at different things. Dan/ daddy is good at cycling, Myrna is good at helping out, Mel is good at looking after Millie, Millie is good at playing and apparently my gift is that I’m really good at lying of the sofa and watching TV! (Well Mel thinks I’m also good at riding horses!) 

Today we are going to Valdemossa for breakfast. It’s already past 8am and we are not all dressed yet, so we better get a move on. 

From Mel and me on the sofa.

Keep smiling 🙂 great show jumping happening in Europe this weekend!  


6 thoughts on “Little by little

  1. One day this crap will be a distant memory. You’ll be talking about that horrid time when you had chemo and couldn’t get off the sofa in the past tense. I hope that the new poison keeps its hands off your vision and your bones…. X

    • I agree with the reply above from Sarah. I can’t put it any better. This will soon be in the past. Each session is another one down in the challenge -like the show jumps in a competition event. Be gentle with yourself and proud of your body. Sarah xxx

      • Ditto. You’re over the half way line and still fighting. Soon it will be good riddance. Small steps Emelie. Keep fighting. You will win xxx

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