The problems my eyes have is not apparent even to themselves until I put some pressure on them. If I feel ok, not under stress or too tired I have one vision, a pretty decent one as well so I don’t have to worry about glasses yet. Then tiredness hits me, or I try to concentrate turning into a big triple combination, all of a sudden there are poles everywhere, I don’t know what fence or what line is the correct one as I have become a squinter (although a “slight” one) after the first accident.
Last year I had an operation on my left eye where the most squintiness seamed to come from. That year I had only been diagnosed with cancer 4 days before the op and had a second operation booked in during that week to remove my right breast. I’m not sure if it was the focus on the bigger picture that made last years op so simple. Or possibly the professionalism of the surgeon or the solid support from my family. I had a calm around me that I from then managed to keep with me for every following operations and treatments. I have now been “cancer free” for 1 month and shouldn’t have anything to worry about, hence why I am suddenly aware of everything around me.
As a whole I’m not worried about tomorrow’s operation. I’ve as said, done one before. So what are these nerves? The slight concern that something might not add up tomorrow? I never have bad feelings about anything almost, I am not the worrying kind which makes this such a strange experience.
Also because Dan is cycling in the Pyrenees during the Haute Route, I am in the uk on my own with the girls.
Today we went to Harry Potter studio tour in Watford. I went there with 3 girls and arrived back to Farmors (granny paternal) house with 2 witches and 1 buckbeak. I said my goodnightes to everybody, and as my body was in this unnatural state of worry, it was as part of me said goodbye.
Now I’m really tired as I see everything double. I wish I will fall asleep quickly and that no bad dreams will wake me up.
Keep smiling 🙂 even if you know it will be your last one, make it count!