Anger anger anger

Totally getting annoyed for nothing now.
Walk past me, look, don’t look, speak or don’t. Everything winds me up right now. Hormones maybe? I honestly can’t blame anyone or anything especially as I’m getting wound up for NOTHING at the moment.
Or shall I say everything winds me up. Except maybe Millie. She has a wild card for most time as she is only little
but I think even Millie’s wild cards are running out as my temper oh temper is catching up with poor ole Millie too.

Back riding one or two horses more or less every day and I must say they have adopted quietly into my new style of riding. The so called new style probably sounds more severe than it actually looks but it’s quite a big deal.
No muscles on my left side of body has any strength. I loose my reins a couple of times every time I ride but luckily I gave good horses that learn quickly and would never take advantage of me.
So the new style is quiet and still most of the time but my balance is slightly adjusted towards the right.
Since I started riding I have stopped doing the 2-5 hour sleeping stints during mid day and still have brain and semi body function after dinner time!
I overall feel more positive about everything. That’s why I wonder why I have this rage bubbling inside of me.
I’m furious for absolutely NO reason.
Well the Valdoxan does not seam to work if it was supposed to make me a milder version of myself. I am sharper and more to the point than ever before.
At the moment I think my poor long suffering husband gets most of it as he is the only close adult person in my life.
My mother complained about me before, that I could behave and be nice when I need to be in front of people I don’t have close relation to. I guess partly it might be true. They haven’t been around me long enough for me to pick up on annoying traits. Oh dear. I’m not going to compete for nicest person on planet award any time soon.

I was back teaching this weekend at a show! My one and only student now won the first class she was in and the second day she turned a bit too quickly at a fence in the jump off but her mother was delighted! It was almost a year since I started training the horse and rider combination and to compare the nervous wreck of a pair that I started giving lessons to a year ago to the winning couple this weekend made my heart grow a little!

So why do I feel so angry?

Well even after my tiredness has started to evacuate my body, I still have a bit of energy draining ongoing. And it’s sad to say but I think the energy drainage is mostly family related. It’s not that they crave attention or demand to be seen, I just think its a natural circle of energy.

Where as my horses although they take effort and demand strength and crave a lot of attention the feeling after I have worked them is I’m energized!

3 hours working horses= feel great!
1 hour playing with children= zonked!

I guess a balance of working and family life is what I need but I also need to know what’s possible for me to do. How far can I get without surgical/stemcell intervention?

I am going to try yoga again. There has been a vacuum without yoga and Linda in my life.

We are going back to UK to meet yet another neurologist. This one has come highly recommended from a friend of ours who has had a very complicated TBI. (Traumatic brain injury) and the professor has agreed to see me and give us his thoughts of my half life, or my continuance of bettering self.

I have also now emailed the Mayo clinic in the US to hear about the stemcell treatments they do. All in all my desire is to get better. I will try to better myself in the meanwhile as I am now a disabled raging grump.

Keep Smiling 🙂 start it today! You know you can do it!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *