01:21 awake good morning!

This is a new oldie. I’m back to my first chemo gitter bug! Brand wake the world up awake at God unruly hour. I’m not sure why but it could be yesterday and thoughts about it to keep me awake. It’s not the flat out afraid or shaken, it could’ve been that but I’m more lightly stirred, like a drink prepared for James Bond.

Yesterday again started early, not like today’s early but 4am and shared in a hotel room it does not easily involve doing normal stuff like reading/watching TV/writing stuff(until I found the button to lessen the screen brightness on my mobile and now I can without waking up poor cousin Caroline!). A bit of turning and thinking finally managed to solve a whole lot of world mysteries/Greece debt problem/war with IS, unfortunately as the world is for me right now my short term memory is really bad so by 07:02 (Caroline’s waking up) my solutions to the greater good were mostly gone.

We went for breakfast in a London cafe and it was great! Then off to LOC for the meeting with dr Jones. Again she pointed out my doing so well and being such a model patient to Caroline this time as she accompanied me. She could also not feel Brenda! The biggest of my tumors has disappeared. The sad thing is with her going also most of my breast has gone with her. The right breast is now a flat shrinkly memory of its past self. I had a list of questions to her about the operation etc. By going through it with her we realized most of said questions would be better for the surgeon mr Ghosh, and as I was seeing him later in the day this was a good thing.

Going down to the Dungeon Of Death for the second last time, I started recognizing more of the staff, and they more or less recognized me too! I got Fabiana from Portugal as my poison distributer of the day! She has been my nurse twice before so she is getting used to my cheerful banter, not everybody else though! For the first time in the Dungeon Of Death I was being told off! For laughing too much! I’m sorry, I know that serious business is ongoing there, and there are a lot of people in pain going through hell and more, I’m sort of one of them. But Caroline’s re encounter of learning English swear words from friends in school, and not only mistaking the “Fu** You” for the not too offensive “Thank You”! But also instead of pointing the middle finger she got a finger dyslexia and pointed the pointy finger!!!! Imagine people’s surprise of angering this 7-8 year old girl and getting a pointy finger pointing strait up to the sky, with her yelling “Thank You”! I cracked up! We were both crying with laughter and this is were next doors nurse came in to quiet us up, well mostly me I think. You can’t have poisonous treatment here in the Dungon and laugh about it!

My bloods were good again! Thank the higher power my potassium levels were alright again!  The potassium is not a supplement I would wish on anybody to have to take orally! It could on the other hand be used in torture by the military on so many different levels… Doesn’t bare to think about it… The chemos 3 different poisons were put in, only the Herceptin level had to be put up. As I have gained almost 3kg in the 3 weeks since I had it before! It is responsible for a lot of Brenda’s disappearance, so that should have lessen my weight but it in combination with the other poisons binds a lot of water to my body so therefore I now weigh an impressive 73kg!

It’s mostly water they all assure me, I think not, a lot of good food and cakes have been consumed in Sweden, I think a new diet of raw salads is on the menu again when I return to Mallorca!

The 5 1/2hours went by so quickly. And as we were leaving the strangest thing happened! I heard a voice saying “you are amazing”. I looked around and saw a young dark haired pretty lady, looking kind of in my direction but as I was queuing to the loo, I thought she was talking to someone behind me. No one there so I turned to her again, I had never seen her in my life! “What you do is truly fabulous!” This time clearly aimed at me. She had come across my blog via an emailed she had had forwarded from someone. It was incredible to meet her, as she just wanted to point out how much she appreciated reading about my story  and that I could stay so upbeat most of the time! As she worked at the LOC I hope she understands that the work they do there for everyone is remarkable! It can’t be easy meeting all the sick people in various state of recovery or not so much. I know I should have found out her name, but as the loo was clear I lost her there.

Because Caroline and my other cousin Ebba had brought me some delicious Kushmi tea in May, and since then I have found a shop in Marylebone only selling Kushmi tea, I had booked in a tea sampling session for me and Caroline at Kushmi tea in Marylebone high street. This I can honestly recommend this for any tea lover out there. We got to sample 6 different teas, and got told the whole history of the Kushmi teas, the background of the teas Anastasia and Prince Vlademir and the mixtures used in them and why. It was a truly remarkable hour!

I was ready for my meeting with the surgeon. He asked how I’d been feeling and finished laughing at me when I explained that because of my traveling to Sweden I hadn’t managed to ride at all in the last cycle. I then told him of my going to Falsterbo instead meeting up with my riders and business partners and of my miracle paperwork before leaving for Sweden. I don’t think he gets that many upbeat forward thinking patients there, so I hope I make his life a bit easier, well kind of. My breast care nurse with him is called Lisa and she is an incredibly awesome Aussie lady! She was not very happy about the Ashes results last weekend so I didn’t rub it in too much that England (total underdogs who barely scraped by in the pre-ashes test matches against lilliput nation New Zeeland) beat the great grand superstars of Australia!!! They won by 169 runs which I think is pretty impressive! Well I’m not saying to much as the test match at Lords starts in two days, oh fingers be crossed!

Mr Ghoh examined me and came to the same conclusion as dr Jones, the tumor was nearly gone, but so was the breast. He went through the options for me with the op. The nipple has to go, because of Nina the nasty nipple hiding tumor, the risks of the cancer coming back there is too high. Nipple and surrounding areola has to be taken out. I then have a couple of options when I remove the rest of the dying two tumors Brenda and Brittany. I can remove them and the nipple and not be left with much on the right side. Or I can remove and put an implant in, or fat from my stomach or muscle from my back. We were discussing all the options as I started to realize this is no walk in the park. The minimum operation length is 4 hours and it can go up to 10 hours for the most complicated op. The minimum stay in hospital is 7 days. I guess this is different for everybody, but as I come under “the highly active not probably listening to much of our keeping calm talk” I think they have booked me in for hospital for that length for a reason.

I was given a book and a leaflet about the different options I have for the operation. Last night when I couldn’t sleep for some reason (I blame it on all the awesome tea) I managed 62 pages in the Macmillan book about breast reconstructions after cancer. It takes some reading. All the options with the medical names of them as well as what they actually are. The plus and minus of each option. I think I have to read it again today, would read it now but as I can’t turn on any light it will be later on. The pictures of the breasts post-op are incredible. The best ones are the natural ones that average a 9hour op, but I’m not sure I can do that. The regular silicone implant with the filling option under your armpit also looks like a possible option but as I’m having radiation treatment afterwards it could damage the implant… The pluses and the minuses, I have decided not to go for the cutting out breast and nipple and going one breasted, I think living in a country where I spend 300 days a year in a T-shirt or bikini it would make the fashion me conscious, and as she isn’t very big you should know how strange it would make me feel to only have one breast. We were also talking about my genetics testing that for some reasons beyond me have to be taken again and sent off. That’s blood sample taken to see if the cancer I have is genetic as my mother and her aunt had breast cancer. It’s better to know, I don’t think I have the awful Angelina Jolie gene, but better to be safe than sorry. I will meet the doctor and take the test next chemo time in London. I have also been booked a surgery time, much earlier than I thought was possible, but I guess they want me to have a life back as soon as possible! 

Keep smiling 🙂 every day has new miracles waiting to be discovered and memories remembered to make you laugh out loud!!! 


I added my wig to the art at Kushmi tea


breakfast awsomeness


At Kushmi tea they use wigs as art!


“Thank You”


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