7 months since my accident.
Life as a disabled person is kind of strange. I have to ask people for a ride, get uncontrollably tired at strange moments, have bad balance, no feeling on left side, can’t taste food, am never hungry and never feel full.
But in the stable I become my alter me! I ride 6 horses every day! They work amazing for me and I think they are all improving almost on a daily basis!
Balance is not of when I’m on a horse. Almost the opposite. i have an exercise I used to get people to do standing up in stirrups for 10 min at time in canter. I can do that no problem. On 6 horses after one another! I feel stronger, yet more composed.
Very strange. I’m like a person with schitzofrenia. Although I’m very aware of my two beings. I feel a bit cheated sometimes when I’m at the stable. I know going back home is only going to make me tired, so if I want to do anything in a day, not involving horses, I need to crack on and do it before my tiredness finds me!
In 2 weeks I am going to see a new neurology doctor in Sweden. We will see what happens after that. It has been suggested that I might have something wrong with my pituitary gland. But that would have become affected after the accident. So not any answers on why? But maybe some help on tiredness? We can always hope!
I’ve had some emails that say my blog has become a bit “down”. I don’t feel depressed or down at all! It’s just insightful? I’m trying hard to dig inside me to find answers and might end up with more questions… I don’t feel it should bring anyone down, but maybe just stop for a second and cherish what we do have. I am so lucky to be where I am today. It’s a blessing and a gift that my family still has me and I have them!
I will continue my ever long journey, searching for answers that I might never get, but at the same time get new knowledge about new things.
In January when I learned that I could communicate with traumatized animals, I was told by a woman that I could choose my new self. A path not travelled could become the new me. I didn’t really fancy it at the time but I do think its happening now by itself.
I can remember my fits of rage for little unnecessary things before. I can feel how they built up inside me and how I was losing control. I don’t see me going there again. I don’t think I’ll miss that old me. I think all scanner/printers/watches/computers will give a sigh of relief. Technology that won’t work for me will be ignored from here on. It’s not worth getting upset about!
Although my rage has given good stories to tell, from time to time.(or close arrests) for example the time when my hand luggage didn’t fit in the airports “hand luggage control” and I kicked it so hard into the metal structure it got stuck. So I decided to check my hand luggage in with the iron frame still connected on it….. Ah well those were the days!
Tomorrow it’s a show on again. I have 4 horses going. We will see maybe it will all work out!
Keep Smiling 🙂 you never know what today might surprise you with!