I’m supposed to feel better…

Everything happens for a reason. That’s a load of boll**s! I’m sure plenty of thing happen for no reason at all! That they challenge you to quickly change what foot you stand on. To find a new direction, balance or even change your initial goals.

Here I am day 6 after my 7th chemo. As I have felt better on the last couple of chemos than I did on the first 4, I assumed I should feel better! That’s some assumption. And it’s quite a shame as it couldn’t be further from the truth. I have so little energy, basically just walking downstairs makes my heart beat in hysteria. My breath becomes shorter and in reality it feels like I might collapse. If I stop right away then it all slows back down and I’m ok if I don’t try and move at all. If I on the other hand ignore it and try to continue walking/moving I look like a 100 year old woman. If I compare it to the first 4 chemos my actual energy levels seam to be less now than before, but sadly my brain seams to be working full pelt. 

Today I’ve done some edge sport, cooking plum jam in 35 degrees heat! That’s befitting hard core edge sport! I try and challenge myself even though I’m like this shadow of my former self. The challenges get smaller and still they get harder to do, go figure! The everlasting challenge I have is against my self, my temper and my attitude against my family members… 

The only point in the day that really clears my head and strengthens my spirit is the early mornings. There is promise in the air when the temperature drops below 29 degrees!!!

See I really shouldn’t complain! It took me a bit longer to write this so now it’s a cool (ish) morning! Today it’s not an average day, it’s my super duper brothers birthday! He has come to Mallorca to celebrate so later today we will do just that, although my now celebration style would be preferred in a fridge somewhere! 

Keep Smiling 🙂 one more chemo to go!!!


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