Happy new year to all of you!
I decided to leave 2017 pretty much the same way I started it. With pain. A whole lot of undiluted fresh, flesh crumbling pain. From where you might ask? From another fall, I might answer. But this time not a horse or a snowy mountain was within sight. I give you the Beach party at out Caribbean holiday resort.
After a long and hard year we decided to get some sun and relaxation away from it all. My brother and his wife and daughter were going to the same place. At the all inclusive resort they celebrated every Friday with a beach party. The celebrations and reggae music soon got me up on stage! As sadly my elimination from the dance competition soon was eminent, I came off the stage. As I made my way back around a tree to sit down at our table, I’m not sure how it happened, but my foot found one of the trees roots. I was catapulted through the air. I flew quite high. I must have been going quite fast, probably from the disgust of my elimination as reggae queen, I can remember in air thinking whilst seeing my husbands shocked face, oh oh, not again!
My breastbone crashed first into the solid bench edge as I landed on a particularly nasty hard place. The air was knocked out of me, I couldn’t breathe. There is no way how I can describe the pain.
It felt like Bella was being ripped straight off me. Bella being my remodeled breast, constructed by my own fibers and stomach fat. I could feel the ripping of the muscles holding her in place. In other places of my body it hurt as well. Basically as luck would have it, every part that previously did not have an ailment or a soreness was now either bloody or painful, or both.
I felt so stupid. How come I just even all by my self seam to try and do my best to really fuck up any chance of getting back to “normal life” again. As luck had it I did not break anything. My sternum is a hob of pain. I cannot sit or lie down without it hurting. The pain first started to go away, but now it’s been 11 days since accident and the pain intensifies and does not seam to want to go away.
I had it scanned with ultra sound yesterday and the doctor could see the muscular damage, he said there are fatty deposits that can be left behind after a trauma, I cannot remember what he called them, but I’m sure it was something like “golden….” why on earth would you call a fatty, cyst like lump something positive? It doesn’t make sense. And it still doesn’t make me want one just because they have a pretty name.
I was on way back from holiday on route to see my oncologist in London as well as my surgeon. They were the best two people to speak to regarding my accidental prone self and what to do with me.
I was supposed to go for a showjumping clinic this weekend. Sadly Dr Jones thought I shouldn’t try and jump for a while, until I was pain free, as the pain could make me ride differently, to protect myself. Wise lady, that doctor… the surgeon said as there was too much previous trauma to my sternum, he couldn’t recommend an MRI until later on, if the pain intensifies or doesn’t go away…
So for all of you out there. A question: Have you any previous experience of sternum trauma? Is this how it gets? So painful that you believe you are dying… I am normally such a tough cookie, but this fall has ended up being one of the most painful ones I have ever had. It’s probably age related… well at least I’m still getting older!
Anyway I made it back home! I did not use the wheelchair happy helpers at the airport. I managed to walk all by self, although carrying heavy stuff is a bit of a bother.
Keep smiling 🙂 if you are not a born reggae star, fake it!!!!https://www.emeliemarsh.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/img_0518.mov