At some points in this chemo stuggels I would like to talk to someone who has been through this kind of hell before, to compare if what I feel is “normal” or similar to what other people do in their treatment cycles. This is one of those times, I would just want a short and sweet, “yes, you being beyond tired most of the time is completely normal” or an “no, as tired as that doesn’t sound good at all”. Just as a quick guidance to see if I’m within range of acceptable sufferance.

It’s “funny” how tired this chemo can make me. I sometimes find myself not even able to speak. Just moving my lips can be a too huge effort for me at some times, it’s not all the time but often enough for me to worry about it. And I do worry. I only wear a mask of very convincing care free and happy not to annoy or worry my closest. It’s never easy going back to early post accident feeling of numb left side and tiredness like a black cloak hanging over me. This is where the real weird part starts. Even when I feel as tired as this, almost like an out of body experience, it all goes away when I get onboard a horse!

I’ve been so careful not to get on a horse when I’m too tired, but yesterday after being on ground helping 3 horses jumping. I decided to get on my horse Pluto even though my soul was vibrating away from my body. It was almost immediate, when I got on the horse my spirit and body assembled! And as long as I stayed onboard I felt fine! 

I’ve also started a 40 day meditation challenge. It’s with Kundalini yoga and it’s supposed to give me more energy… I’m on day 5 and I think at least straight after the meditation I do get more energy. 

Keep smiling 🙂 look up to your third eye and find that inner energy!