You have to excuse me.

i’ve been quiet since i got home.

There is lots to take in and finally in my bubble I can start to see things and how different they are.

In Bad Schinznach I thought every days improvement was something important. Here it just proves I have such a long way to go. Nothing is easy. I went to see the doctor yesterday and when he asked me where I thought i was I honestly said I’m at 20% compared to where I used to be.

Then Dan shared something he had noticed about the level of my voice how childish it sounded and my laugh sounded weird so I then thought I’m at 18%, 82% to go. Dan had also had a coversation on the phone with Fred Wandsworth my dietician in England. He warned Dan about my impending weight gain as I was going to eat as much as before but only burn a small amount of calories. So Dan has made himself my own private guilty conscious. Every time I go to take a treat he is there reminding me about my impending sumo status.

Will try and upgrade my plastic bubble to one that Dan can’t reach in.

We also met with my future physio therapist. Monica she is called. I will have her 5 days a week and for 90 min to start with. Gosh do they know what they are dealing with? I fall asleep after only 15 min interaction with my kids. She seams a nice person and she will involve horses in my rehabilitation. By grooming and spending time around horses I will become better apparently! This was the only part Dan, my conscious, was hearing and understanding fully, as Monica was speaking only in Spanish. A look at him said it all. Not amused!

Thursday I made it up to the stable! I saw all the horses and Elena. It was brilliant. We also took the now blind Jolly for a walk around the block 2 times. Her stitches will come out next week and then we will know. If she is blind we will have put her down. That is so sad. What a bad year for everything.

Yesterday we met a man who knew my sister. When he saw me he smiled, like we knew each other. This is the biggest worry for me. I had not got a clue who he was. In the end it transpired we had never met. Thank god! Well I have to prepare myself for a lot of embarrassing moments of meeting people that think I know them and I have completely forgotten them. I am going through my facebook and delete everyone I can’t remember. I might upset someone, but then they have to remind me of how we know each other. It’s a new way to start some people say. I’m not sure at all. What if I can’t remember people that have been or said nasty/stupid things, would you not rather remember that so they wouldn’t do it again?

Today Dan has gone out cycling. He is wearing proper winter gear again. Long sleeves and long legs. Last time I saw him go out on a bike he was in summer gear. Oh the difference.

Nicola said it’s because of us having peacock feathers indoors it’s really bad luck. And judging by this fall she is probably right. She has removed them from kitchen window and put them outside. I think it’s less bad luck now hopefully.

I have a title for my book if i am ever to write one: Further to fall

I think it kind of tells my story in a way. How I would like to see it told. I mean it’s different if you are at top of your game with 3 very young children and a career that means you have to be physically fit. To have an accident there it’s “further to fall” than if you were not so dependant on all of the above for a working physical body. It’s also “further to climb” on your way back. Some people get it most people don’t.

They are just so happy I can walk unassisted short distances, and move my left side. They only compare me to the me they saw in hospital. Not the me from before. It’s almost as if they are ashamed of remembering me from before. I used to be good, great in some ways. This year of 2012 I finished Vattern rundan a 300km bike race and I was crowned Champion of Mallorca in show jumping. So try and remember that when you see me. I have 82% of improvements still to go to get back to me.

Another 10 months until I can drive a car again. The double vision is driving me mad as I see everything twice. But today is a new day. More to learn.

Keep Smiling 🙂 There are plenty of things to learn!